gf pregnant

Former Member

me and my gf, were both 20. she is pregnant, and altho not planned,and altho its taken a bit to reach the decision, we are going to keep the baby as we do see ourselves having a future together with the little bambino.

now as none of my mates, or her mates, have had a baby, were just wondering if anyone who is a father/mother can give us some advice.

finanically we should be fine and cope, we both know and accept sacrifices are going to have to be made by ourselves.

But what were looking for is the little things people do/have done which make it that bit easier, things which you arent told in the manuals etc.

I know we will come up with our own, but its always good to hear what other people did/do to make it that bit easier on each of us,aswell as the baby.

For instance, what things did people do to just remind the other one that they love them amid all the blur of a baby, or what did people do to maybe save a bit of money, or create a bit of time for one/both of us.

any help would be appreciated

Former Member

It's really important to remember that just because you're mummy and daddy doesn't mean you're not still boyfriend and girlfriend, and simply guy and girl as well. You need to make "together alone time" and "separate alone time".

"Together alone time" depends on what kind of family support you have - do you live near your parents or siblings? If so, and they'd be willing to babysit for you sometimes, it shouldn't be too difficult to manage time alone. Otherwise you'll have to rely on time when the baby is in bed (easier when it gets older and sleeps through the night). You need to make sure that you keep the romance of your relationship alive, so even on a small budget you should recreate date-type activities like eating dinner by candlelight, renting a movie, going for a walk or a picnic just the two of you.

For "separate alone time", it's important to remember that although you will have been out at work all day (I presume that will be the arrangement?), that doesn't mean she'll have had it easy just because she's staying at home. If you could come in, take the baby off her hands so she can have a half hour to herself to shower, soak in a bubble bath, read a book or have a nap, it would be great for your girlfriend who probably won't have had a minute to herself since you left the house that morning. Or if you got up on a Sunday morning and took care of the baby so she could have a lie-in. This kind of stuff will show her that you love her. Also, each week you should each take a night to see friends while the other one watches the baby, so you don't lose sight of who you are as a person.

Former Member

I will come back to this tommorow as my head is a bit all over the place today.
Best thing i can think of atm is for your gf to get as much sleep possible before the birth as she won't be getting much once the little one arrives for a while.
I think this was my biggest shock, no one can tell you how it's gonna be until you feel it. I have always been a bad sleeper so thought ah i will be fine but boy is it tough to start with.
Sorry not trying to scare you, just to try and help you prepare.
Another thing i remember thinking i would do different is, if she decided to bottle feed, to not "spoil" the baby by making the milk really warm as they come to expect it and won't take it any other way once they get used to it which can be a pain. Anyway will tell you more tommorow.

Former Member

Wildchild's advice is pretty much spot on.

Also your girlfriend's hormones will be all over the place for a wee while so be aware of that and dont take it personally if she doesnt want cuddles etc. Arguments too, expect more of them as both of you will be exhausted and you'll probably end up taking things out on each other.

Sleep deprivation, I only had 5 weeks before my little one started sleeping through the night so I was relatively lucky. Help out with night feeds when you can, fair enough you might have work the next day but so will your girlfriend, except she wont have an hour off for lunch. If she's breastfeeding then obviously you cant help out unless she is expressing milk but you can be there for her in the night while she is feeding rather than snoring next to her. You'll feel as though there is no light at the end of the tunnel but you'll get there, I was feeding Abbie every 2 hours during the night at one point and now she's 8 months old and sleeps 12 hours a night, it's great and I never thought we'd get to that stage.

As for advice about the baby, you can read all the books in the world and people will always be dishing out advice, but every little person is different and you'll soon figure out what's best for your own once you have them in your arms.

You sound like you'll be a great Dad, making this thread alone proves that.

I'll probably come back to this thread when I remember more things. Good luck with everything though and there's quite a few helpful Mums and Dads on here should you need us for anything else

Former Member

id also not be too worried about making time for each other in the early weeks/months - thats just added pressure, Babies need their mums when theyre tiny, especially if breastfed obviously, but even if bottlefed, they still shouldnt be left with a babysitter too early, and youll probably find your gf wont want to go out and leave the baby for quite a while. You just have to be prepared to take a back seat for a while and not take it personally and be safe in the knowledge that its for the best, and things will get back to normal a lot quicker if you dont pressurise.

Former Member

Congratulations, by the way. :thumb:

Former Member

Don't buy too mny clothes in newborn as they grow out of them really fast. If people want to buy the baby something ask them if they mind buying a little bigger if they are the kinda people you can say that to).
I found James's vibrating bouncy chair a god send. It doesn't have to vibrate but it can help when they are a little older i found. But then every baby is different.

Feel free to come here for advise as and when you need it. You and/or your gf might find www.bounty.co.uk a help. They have discussions there right from day one.
Last thing, i don't normally recommend reading books etc as they are all the same BUT when James was tiny and i had trouble settling him etc my mum bought me "the secrets of the baby whisperer" book. It was really good. Most of it is common sence but when you are sleep deprived that isn't always easy. Some really good tips if needed in it.
Best of luck with it all, you sound like you are gonna be fine.
Preganancy and having a baby can make a womans body very hormonal so try to just be there for your gf.

Former Member

many thanks everyone who has replied..and remember feel free to keep replying.im gonna be using this site alot now so once again, its good to know people on here can offer support.

we have quite a big support network to be honest,both of us have friends and family and altho we wont be living together as we dont now, we will be 2mins away from each other.

thankfully my sister had a bambino about 18months ago so i realise just how hard it is, but i guess you can never judge a situation till your in it.

My main concern if im honest is that 'together alone time' that we will want and need. I dont want to lose sight of the fact that 'me n her' are also a couple, and that we to will need time to be solely with each other, and maintain the relationship as it is at mo. I guess the network of support we have will allow us to do this.

What things did the lads do to maintain this with their girl, and girls, what little things did your fella do to ensure that the love was still at the forefront of everything.