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bullying at work

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
for the past 4 months a member of staff has been making my life a misery.

(this isnt meant to sound rasist)
she's a black lady in her late 40's. im 20 years old. she says things like she wont listen to me cos nothing i saw has any use as i am too young.
she also accuses me of being rasist towards her.
one of my friends at work is gay and has recently got a girlfriend. the black lady has been incredibly homophobic towards her and totally out of order with the things she's said.
i stood up for my friend and the black lady went for me, shouting at me etc.

this was the kick i needed to go to my manager about it. when i talked to her she took it seriously. she then had the black lady in the office. who turned it all round and used 'the rasist card' and now even tho for 4 months she was bullied me quite badly, my manager is believing the black lady.

so ive rung up another home near my house and they lady who owns it seemed very interested in me. she's basically said ive got the job but i need to go in a meet her sometime next week.

i work full time at the moment but as soon as i hear if i've got this job or not i'm leaving.

how much notice do you think i'll have to give? or do you think im well within my right to just walk out?
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id walk out, or work your notice but doss around.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id walk out, or work your notice but doss around.

    i just feel like if i hand in my notice and then stay there for say 2 weeks it'll be awkward
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bollocks to them all. Cant your mate defend you?

    An idea I had once was to take a Dictaphone in work & record what she is saying then take it to the manager.

    Or if the manager is that much of a blind person, take it higher still.

    Also just to spite the woman I would report her for not being able to work in the country. Weather or not she is allowed, it would be my way of getting one up on her. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HIT wrote:

    Also just to spite the woman I would report her for not being able to work in the country.
    :rolleyes: just cos shes black doesnt mean shes not English, and tbh if she did anything like that, dont you think it would look like she WAS actually racist.
    dont sink to her level.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :rolleyes: just cos shes black doesnt mean shes not English, and tbh if she did anything like that, dont you think it would look like she WAS actually racist.
    dont sink to her level.
    I would do something to her regardless of race, to make myself feel better.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if you definitely have this other job, and you don't need a reference, I would just walk out. Who needs that kind of crap?

    But i agree that it would be an idea if your friend also reported her. And if there is anyone else she is doing this to, get them to report her too. There is strength in numbers.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :rolleyes: just cos shes black doesnt mean shes not English, and tbh if she did anything like that, dont you think it would look like she WAS actually racist.
    dont sink to her level.

    she isnt english. but i see what you're saying
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kaffrin wrote:
    But i agree that it would be an idea if your friend also reported her. And if there is anyone else she is doing this to, get them to report her too. There is strength in numbers.

    my friend did report her as well as another member of staff (my deputy manage told me a member of night staff had reported her but didnt wanna be named) so thats 3 people and nother friend of mine who works there has unofficially said something about ber too.

    but it seems that she's talked her way out of it. she's the oldest staff there (besides the manager) and its like sh cant do anythign wrong and she's just the sort of person to say 'youre doing this because im black' if she gets disiplined or sacked!

    (sorry for the spelling mistakes, i cant type well today for some reason!!)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kaffrin wrote:
    if you definitely have this other job, and you don't need a reference, I would just walk out. Who needs that kind of crap?

    i dont have the job yet, im getting a call on monday about it. if they said that ive got it, i just wont go back to wokr on tuesday! ive written my resignation letter so ive just got to hand it in. but i dont want to give it in until i get another job
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HIT wrote:
    Or if the manager is that much of a blind person, take it higher still.

    i know i could take it to head office but i just know she'd talk her way out of it, its just whats she's like
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know i could take it to head office but i just know she'd talk her way out of it, its just whats she's like
    Then buy yourself a Dictaphone , hide it in your pocket & record her. Then you may even think about taking your manager to a tribunal because you have told him whats shes doing to you & he didn't take no notice & it made your life hell knowing that your manager didn't believe you.

    I think your gay mate needs to be a man & stand up for you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HIT wrote:
    Then buy yourself a Dictaphone , hide it in your pocket & record her. Then you may even think about taking your manager to a tribunal because you have told him whats shes doing to you & he didn't take no notice & it made your life hell knowing that your manager didn't believe you.

    I think your gay mate needs to be a man & stand up for you.


    Some guy I know recorded something as evidence on a dictaphone (withthe intention of handing it to the police) - the first question the police asked him was - was it a brand new tape?

    he said no I just recorded over what was there before

    So the police said they can't use it :eek2:

    However most MP3 players can record stuff as well
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some guy I know recorded something as evidence on a dictaphone (withthe intention of handing it to the police) - the first question the police asked him was - was it a brand new tape?

    he said no I just recorded over what was there before

    So the police said they can't use it :eek2:

    However most MP3 players can record stuff as well
    I wonder why that was?

    I think that seems a little harsh. However if he plays it to his boss, hopefully he wont ask questions about the tape.
  • littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    No-one should have to put up with bullying at work. However, it *can* be made awkward for you. As kaffrin said, if you don't need a reference then just up and leave. If you have this other job then great. However, if you don't then it becomes more awkward as I would hand in my notice and work the 2 weeks. Yes, it may be unpleasant for you but you can count down the hours and still be able to get a reference at the end of it.

    Please don't take HIT's advice. He/she seems determined to give bad advice on this site.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    imo you should fight it out and clear your name. do you like working there other than this lady? she shouldn't force you out of your job. happened to me before and i regret it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is there any way you could keep your job, but work in a different department/different hours to what this lady works?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont have the job yet, im getting a call on monday about it. if they said that ive got it, i just wont go back to wokr on tuesday! ive written my resignation letter so ive just got to hand it in. but i dont want to give it in until i get another job

    Does this new place know about your situation? If they do, and you get the job (good luck, btw) then yeah, just don't go in. If the new place understand why you might not be able to get a reference from the old place then that's an easy solution.

    If you decide you want to stay and fight it out, try getting some independent advice. If your boss has even a handful of complaints about this woman and still chooses to take her word over yours there is obviously something wrong, and you'll have to try different channels. Although I would consider the possibility that your boss feels he has to agree with her to avoid having the race card pulled on him too? It's a horrible accusation to try and shake off.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Please don't take HIT's advice. He/she seems determined to give bad advice on this site.
    For starters its 'he' & secondly why not record her bullying you? Have you got a great explanation on why? Or is it a say now think later situation with you?

    So really he should just let her get away with the things she has done wrong? Its easy for you to say hand in your resignation & forget about it. Well we dont all let people walk over us. Why should he have to leave because he is being bullied? Thats like saying a child should leave school for being bullied. Shouldn't it be the bully made to leave?

    OP if you want to just let her walk over you & be bullied by this women, without trying to prove your innocence (which you shouldnt have too) then take littlemisery advice.

    But honestly, you shouldn't have to put up with this. I hope you can prove her of being the bully. Really its a matter of principle.
  • littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    HIT wrote:
    littlemisery advice.

    :lol: That's quite witty. Hilarious :yeees:

    The advice of yours that I wouldn't follow is:
    HIT wrote:
    Also just to spite the woman I would report her for not being able to work in the country. Weather or not she is allowed, it would be my way of getting one up on her.

    If you read what I wrote I did say that no-one should have to put up with bullying.

    BB, I think you are doing the right thing giving the circumstances. Just be wary incase you *do* need to get references in the future, that's all.

    Kaff also has good advice.

    *fingers crossed* for tomorrow. It does sound promising but sometimes you can never tell. Let us know if you get it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HIT wrote:
    So really he should just let her get away with the things she has done wrong? Its easy for you to say hand in your resignation & forget about it. Well we dont all let people walk over us. Why should he have to leave because he is being bullied? Thats like saying a child should leave school for being bullied. Shouldn't it be the bully made to leave?

    Would you want to work somewhere where you reported being bullied and harrassed, and your boss didn't believe you? I wouldn't.

    It's easy to say that it's about the principle, but it's not necessarily worth putting yourself through additional stress when you've already been miserable for 4 months. If she is happy to leave, then I think she should, and I think she should encourage all her friends there who have had encountered this woman to do the same.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :lol: That's quite witty. Hilarious :yeees:

    The advice of yours that I wouldn't follow is:



    If you read what I wrote I did say that no-one should have to put up with bullying.

    BB, I think you are doing the right thing giving the circumstances. Just be wary incase you *do* need to get references in the future, that's all.

    Kaff also has good advice.

    *fingers crossed* for tomorrow. It does sound promising but sometimes you can never tell. Let us know if you get it.
    And yet after your party piece you still haven't given me a good explanation in why my idea of recording her wouldn't isn't a good idea. :chin:

    If you wouldn't follow advice on reporting her, that down to you. Its something I personally would do, or something simular. I very much doubt you dedicated a post to say that, did you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i love working there apart from with that lady. but i cant afford to give up the 3 shifts a week i work with her.
    its now up to 6 people who have complained about her, and who have all backed up what i said.
    my manager had her in the office and she said we're all rasist against her including my manager. i think my manager feels like she cant do anything as she'll get accused of being rasist!
    im meant to be hearing from this new job today, i rang them yesterday and they said ive got an interview and will ring today to arrange a time! so hopefully ive got the job, i talked for 10 minutes to her the first time a rang and she sounded impressed with the other jobs ive done.
    also she does know about my reasons for wanting to leave, she asked me on the phone and i also wrote it on my form, she sounded very understanding.

    i feel like the only way i can stay at my current job is for her to leave, and i know that wont happen. its got to a point when i cant even bare to be in the same room as her.
    2 of my friends i work with are also now looking for new jobs. its unfair really but we just cant work with her anymore and she's not going to leave and im sure my manager wont sack her because she'll probably sue saying she got sacked beacuse shes black!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kaffrin wrote:
    Would you want to work somewhere where you reported being bullied and harrassed, and your boss didn't believe you? I wouldn't.

    It's easy to say that it's about the principle, but it's not necessarily worth putting yourself through additional stress when you've already been miserable for 4 months. If she is happy to leave, then I think she should, and I think she should encourage all her friends there who have had encountered this woman to do the same.

    its not that im happy to leave, but i cannot work with her anymore. and shes not going to leave or even be disaplined (sp?)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think my manager feels like she cant do anything as she'll get accused of being rasist!

    That's crap. I wonder what will happen if it was the other way around? (someone being accused of doing stuff to her I mean)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Reading what the women you work with is like, I wouldn't be surprised if she accused them of being racists. But there are a few of you that dont like her, so that should be enougth to get her the boot, its not like only one person is saying it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HIT wrote:
    Reading what the women you work with is like, I wouldn't be surprised if she accused them of being racists. But there are a few of you that dont like her, so that should be enougth to get her the boot, its not like only one person is saying it.

    Blonde__Batman did say that she thinks her manager can't really do anything because she (manager) might get accused of being rcist. don't think it's got anything to do with not liking her; it's more to do with the way she i wth everyone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you don't want to leave, try getting independent advice first. Speak to citizen's advice, or a union rep if you have one? Don't leave unless you think you'd be quite happy in the new place.

    If your boss doesn't believe this woman but still won't deal with her behaviour then you need to go higher, if you can. This is very different from her not believing you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    we had a staff meeting yesterday and another black staff memeber (who i never work with as she has nights) sat there and said i had been rasist towards her and i never put the residents to bed properly. i know full well that the other lady put her up to it as they are good friends. it made me so angry! and all my manager did was sit there and stare at me! my friends stuck up for me but wats the point?

    they've obviously decided they want me out of there. and my manager is doing fuck all about it. im the one who went to her with a problem and its jut getting ignored because this bitch is saying its just because im rasist. thats not right!

    i dont want to work there anymore, i've had enough, absolutly enough now. i cant believe that no one is believing me (bar my friends) when im the one who originally when with a complaint!

    i am not going to write my resignation, send it to my boss as well as a copy to head office with a letter explaining what has happened. and as soon as i get another job i shall hand it in!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how can this other woman accuse you of being racist when you've never worked with her?
    it doesn't matter if shes black or not, she's being a bully and she shouldn't be allowed to get away with it because she's black. She has every right to be sacked just like anyone else would.
    I would talk get some professional advice.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    how can this other woman accuse you of being racist when you've never worked with her?

    If one does mornings and the one does nights, then they might've exchanged a few words between changing over shifts.
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