Need some opinions

Former Member

Hello, this post was like an essay so I've cut it down to the final parts.

Me and my girlfriend have been going out a while. When we met she had a boyfriend, so I just left it as friends. Whilst she was with him she stated she liked me more and was beginning to hate him. I done what I felt was the correct thing and said, I like you too but i'm not gonna be the man on the side. If you want me, then be with me and not him. She chose me, which I was relieved about...

But after complaining about him for 2 months, constantly. Always insulting him and referring to him as "Cuntface" rather than his name, she still sees him. She claims she doesn't want to, but he'll go around her house sometimes, and to be honest it confuses me.

She refuses to tell him about me and her. She'll go around his house, he'll go around hers. She claims she doesn't want to see him. She'll do his mothers hair for her. His mother will phone her and talk to her as a friend.

To be honest it all confuses me... Just to be clear though, I don't think she's cheating on me... I just can't see why she won't tell him...

(Also:if possible please try not to go on about how she's just a bitch.. I do love her)

Former Member

well she's obviously lying or shes too scared to dump him for you incase he finds out or whatever
i'd walk away tbh - don't wait for her

Former Member

well, tbh it sounds like she is cheating on you mate. seeing him behind your back basically pretending you dont exist. the words cakje and eating it spring to mind!

Former Member

Dude, listen, and listen carefully. I was once in a situation exactly like yours!

You did a right thing by stomping your foot and making her choose. I did the same. But the thing is girls like that always try to play both hands and it never works.

Here's what you have to do. Stomp your foot again. Confront her and just lay it out. Say that what she's doing is wrong and it cannot go on like that. If she continues just stop communicating with her for a few days or a week. It will be really tough because the second you do that, girls like that go crazy and start calling you non-stop to get you back. You have to always be on the one in charge with girls like that because the second you comply they start playing you.

Believe me when I say this. I was in a situation exactly like yours and unfortunately had no one who could give me adivce. What she's doing is wrong and she should stop. Unless you show her your resolve, she will continue.

Now to adress your last statment. This girl is a selfish c*&t, just like mine was and I don't say it in a demeaning or negative way. I'm just stating the fact. She will play you any chance she gets. And yes the love is blind and cruel and if you do love her you'll have to learn how to love her in a such a way as to not get hurt. Just face the facts and realize what you have to do to keep her and not let her screw you over.

Don't let your emotions speak when you make your resolve here or things will turn very bitter very fast.

Former Member

Hello, all. I think it may be helpful as well as interesting to look at relationships in a different way. I guess we have all been through many relationships, learnt this or that technique, suceeded and failed at following others people's advice, but chances are we are still pretty confused about the whole thing. For many of us, our past experience, if anything, is just making us wonder whether that which we are looking for really exists. Instead of looking at relationships as a way to complete ourselves by finding something or someone who can give us what our mind says it's lacking in our lifes (i.e. a feeling of being attractive, a way out of our solitude, sex, etc.), wouldn't it make a world of difference to use our relationships as a way by which to know ourselves better? If I got to know this "mind" of mine more thoroughly, wouldn't perhaps that be the same as understanding what not to do and who not to be in future relationships so that a new outcome is possible, in the world of my relationships as much as anywhere else? Author Guy Finley says that "for the person to whom and in whom self knowledge begins to become a living force, there can be no such thing as a bad day or a bad relationship. It’s impossible, because everything that happens to us as self-working men or women is used for the purpose it was created… which is help us discover our actual condition. Then, the whole of the world and all of its whirling and confusing relationships provides us an opportunity to change the whole of our lives." Now, that really seems like good advice to at last start enjoying different relationships with people and events, doesn't it? To me, advice, techniques, tips, etc. given out so that we can lure others into satisfying our desires sounds quite manipulative and selfish. No wonder when the excitement fades and we've satisfied our need, the whole relationship starts falling apart. I am sure we can all relate to that, can't we.
What I am sharing with you has helped me to change the way I relate to others. Perhaps the idea of more authentic relationships, less selfish and more conscious, is really the true way to go. Only we have given very little thought to it up until now. Here's a nice article on relationships where you'll get a different kind of advice.
I hope this helps.
Luis

Former Member

I could go on and go into great detail liek notthedude and luis but I wont. she is obviously seeing the both of yous at the same time. sit her down and talk to her. dont take it sitting down man, you seem like a good bloke. some women can be bitches. I've been used quite alot and i've learnt that chicks who lie, and make you feel like shit for the most part dont deserve me. There are plenty of nice girls out there who wont make you feel like shit and vice versa, theres shitload of nice girls on this board who get treated like turd so sit her down and explain how you feel. hope everything works out man

Former Member

Heres a way to sort it, quite confrontational and sneaky but what the hay.

Spy on her, as in spy on her house. Then when this other bloke goes around you also go to her house. Then you say "why are you here?", "you have no business", "i'm with her" etc etc. This way he finds out that she is seeing you (if he didnt beforehand). If she gets angry and finishes it so what do you want to be with a liar. What have you got to lose.