help with a cover letter

Former Member

could someon please comment on my cover letter. tell me where it can be improved and such. im unsure if the information is enough, too little or too much.

i mean would you hire me from the letter? or just an interview?

if you have any queries, just ask.

thanks. much appreciated.

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Dear YOU YOU YOU,


I am writing to you regarding an internship position that was advertised on the {WEBSITE} that was posted on {DATE} (URL).


I first took interest in your advert because of the range of experience it seemed to offer. A second wave of interest came after doing some research on {COMPANY} and {PARENT COMPANY}.

I would like to work for {COMPANY} because I have great interest in marketing and believe such a promotion company will help further my knowledge of its practices. Moreover, I believe I can learn a lot working in {PARENT COMPANY}, particularly experiencing first hand how to manage an independent record label. {PARENT COMPANY} doesn’t seem to be confined to a particular genre, which would allow better exposure to various styles of music.

Lastly, the location of the company appeals to me because I eventually would like to work in London. I consider London market to be at the forefront of the music industry and I believe the experience to be gained will be valuable in my personal and career development.

Two aspects of the internship I could contribute greatly are in Research and Sales.

I find doing research quite pleasurable, particularly the planning, searching and analysing. I am methodical in my approach, which was reinforced during my course in Psychology where I learned about the {NAME} Research Method, which can be applied to various tasks.

I can play a part in sales because I exhibit good interpersonal qualities. I am articulate, emphatic, well-presented plus I consider myself adept at reading behaviour and body language. This can be attributed to my interests in Psychology, Socio-Politics, Philosophy, as well as my experience with various cultures, which gives me a wider perspective regarding behaviour. However, it is perhaps better to discuss this in person, as it is difficult to project such qualities in writing.

Two aspects of the internship I would like to improve upon (not that there is nothing to improve among the previous aspects) is in Promotion and Accounts.

I have had difficulty in the past to appease an activity leader in school regarding my press release writing skill. Writing press releases seem to need a different writing style and this is something I am keen to learn. I would also like to see in practice how to play the media. I have strong views on the importance and power of media outlets and I would like to learn how best to exploit these channels.

I would also like to further my understanding on the financial aspect of the business. We learned about the accounting skills, for instance, account statements, but I have not yet fully appreciated the subject because I have always had difficulty trying to conceptualise the different aspects of the accounts. I believe hands-on exposure on this area will help clear the mist that fogs my understanding of it.

Last but no less important are the technical and graphic aspects of the experience.

I am accustomed to using Microsoft office programs, mainly Word, Excel, PowerPoint and Access. My knowledge of design programs, particularly Adobe Photoshop, is limited to cropping and levels adjustment, however, my familiarity with IT allows me to learn new programs with little or no difficulty. In addition, I believe my artistic qualities may come in useful helping with design tasks.


Regarding the type of work involved, I believe I can contribute much to three kinds. I will do well with clerical duties because of my methodical and organisational qualities. My interpersonal skills allow me to accommodate clients and patrons in various circumstances. Lastly, my observant and analytic nature puts me in a good position to attend and assess events.


I have included my curriculum vitae and would be happy to supply additional reference. I am currently in {PLACE} however, I will be available to meet with you for an interview when I come to London in August. I can be reached at my mobile phone, {NUMBER}, or through e-mail at, {E-MAIL}.

I thank you for your consideration and look forward to hearing from you.


Sincerely,

ME ME ME ME ME

Former Member

To be totally honest, if I were an employer, I wouldn't even have finished reading that. When people are recruiting, especially if it's an advertised position, they will get LOADS of covering letters, and all they want to know from a quick glance at them is if they should go in the NO or the MAYBE pile.

Short, consise and to the point is a hell of a lot more likely to get you on the MAYBE pile. Your letter might be the most brilliant piece of writing showcasing the greatest candidate for the job, but it doesn't matter, cause most likely the person looking through with already have though 'too long, can't be arsed to read that'.

My standard covering letter is 3 short paragraphs long, and serves me well.

The first says which vacancy I'm applying for and where I saw it. I am writing to apply for the position of Elephant Dung Assistant, as advertised in Elephants Today.......

The second is about my current role and what it is about it that i particularly like or am good at (i.e. - whatever it is I'm applying for). As you will see from my CV, I am currently working as a Pet Shop Assistant for a specialised retail outlet. My role involves a lot of poo logistics and it is in this area that I have developed an interest.

The third says why I want to leave my current role and why I think I would be a good candidate for the role I'm applying for. I have been in my current role for 3 weeks, and although I have greatly enjoyed all aspects of it, I am ready for bigger and wetter challenges. I feel that with my poo expertise and practical experience gained in the workplace, I would be a strong candidate for this role.

That's it. Takes up less than half a sheet of A4. Everything else (skills, qualifications, contact details) should be in your CV.

Think of it like trailers: your covering letter should be like a teaser trailer - quick and to the point, leaving people thinking 'oooh, tell me more'. Your CV should be like the normal trailer - quickly picking out the best bits so you get a good overall idea of the film. Then, if they like what they see, your interview is the feature film.

:thumb:

Former Member

kaffrin wrote:

I have been in my current role for 3 weeks, and although I have greatly enjoyed all aspects of it, I am ready for bigger and wetter challenges.

And that get's you an interview does it?

Actually I might steal that template for myself. I should be going for a load of jobs soon.

Former Member

thanks kafrin. that was great feed back.

i know what you mean about the letter being too long, but my CV is quite shit.

i have hardly any past work experience, i had a terrible run in college. and i stopped for a year but didnt do nothing cos i had to take care of personal stuff.

so i thought that explaining about myself would cast away some doubt coming from the CV.

plus, i know about the standard 3 paragraph format. as you said the employer probably have loads of applications on their table. most of those cover letter would be in the standard 3 paragraph format.

with a poor CV, and a standard cover letter, how would i ensure to stand out of the pile? what i see happening is, if i used the standard 3 paragraph taht everyone else is using, id be seen as just the same as everyone else, though with a poor CV.

i thought about perhaps adding a phrase at the beginning of the letter, 'to apologise or excuse myself for having a lenghty letter' but then continue to explain what i said here, 'that i think i have a poor CV which I must say is not representative of who i am'.

i think explaining the reason for the lenghty letter in the beginning would make them consider reading on. thats emotion marketing.

what do you think?

Former Member

Star Baked wrote:

i thought about perhaps adding a phrase at the beginning of the letter, 'to apologise or excuse myself for having a lenghty letter' but then continue to explain what i said here, 'that i think i have a poor CV which I must say is not representative of who i am'.

If you admit to having a poor CV in your covering letter, then they aren't going to look at it, end of. They're out to get the best person for the job, not to be nice and give someone a chance. What you've got to make sure is that your CV is good enough to get you an interview (at which point, your skills are less important than your personality and knowledge of the role). Make the most of the experiences and skills that you do have, and extract any sort of skills you can from them to boost your CV. Remember education is one of the least important things that employers look for (in my experience anyway), so your college experience isn't as important as you may think. If your CV is really way worse than everyone else who's applying for the job, then maybe you're aiming too high initially, and it'd be better to go for something that will give you the experience you need to go for better jobs. But at least make sure that you've made the most out of the skills and experience you do have before you make that desicion.

Former Member

thanks for that.

im quite deflated now.

anyway, could you tell me what specific skills employers look for so i can find away to extract it from the few experience i have?

Former Member

Well what type of job are you going for?

Former Member

im applying to a Promotions company that is under an independent record label. the promotions company of an indie label.

Former Member

Right, let's start with any specific skills you might have. List each skill, and then an example of you applying that skill, with the following ranking: Paid professional experience, unpaid professional experience, Extra curricular training, extra curricular activities, educational activities.

Specific skills would include things like being able to use particular computer software or being able to drive. These are things which you can either do or you can't do, but it's always better if you have examples of applying these skills to something, rather than just having them. Which of these are included depend on the one's that are relevent to your job.

Other skills are the one's that everyone has on their CV. Professionalism, organisation, communication skills, ambition, initiative etc, and are slightly harder to demonstrate on a CV. Professionalism and communication (at least in the written form) can come across by simply having a very professional approach to applying for the job. By having a well written/layed out CV and covering letter.

I'll carry on this later, because I won't have a job if I spend much more time on it. But just another quick question. Could you give us a better idea of what the job will entail? What is the exact position, and what would your responsibilities be?

Former Member

I'm With Stupid wrote:

And that get's you an interview does it?

Nope. Having a great CV gets you an interview. A good covering letter just makes sure your great CV gets looked at.

(obviously you have to replace the bits about poo )

Star Baked wrote:

with a poor CV, and a standard cover letter, how would i ensure to stand out of the pile? what i see happening is, if i used the standard 3 paragraph taht everyone else is using, id be seen as just the same as everyone else, though with a poor CV.

Make your CV better. You can't compensate for a bad CV with a good covering letter, it doesn't work that way. And just because you lack experience doesn't mean you can't write a great CV. If you want to work in promotions, start now: promote yourself.

If you can write a neat, concise, professional covering letter you will already be at an advantage. If you can then back it up with a CV that really makes the most of your skills and experience, even if your skills and experience are pretty limited, you'll give yourself the best possible chance.

Former Member

thanks guys.

ill take care of this then ill get back to yous.


FYI

the so called aspects i was talking about were listed in the advert as what the internship involves, hence i commented on them.