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Friends- DON'T SHAVE YOUR ARSE-HAIR!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Please don't do it!! (incase anyone was thinking of doing it)


>Subject: DONT SHAVE IT, U KNOW IT WILL MAKE IT WORSE!!!
>Date: Mon, 25 Feb 2002 13:52:47 -0000
>
>DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS!!!
> > This is extremely gross but bloody funny - pass it on
> > to your male friends - shame you can't see the
> > expression on their faces when they read it.
> >
> > I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer
> > my story, so that you may learn from my error.
> >
> > It all started, as many things do, with me having
> > trouble shitting. No, I was not constipated; this was
> > not a regular problem but a matter of technique.
> >
> > It seems my arse-hair had grown to such a length that
> > tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the
> > matted jungle between my arsecheeks.
> >
> > It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I
> > still had something to drop, but unable to shake the
> > tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling.
> >
> > Eventually I would have to do two things:
> > either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off
> > the lingering loaf (which required careful precision
> > to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear,
> > especially since I had no way of seeing what I was
> > doing)
> > or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I
> > could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the
> > toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed
> > threshold.
> >
> > I was contemplating this problem, when I had what
> > seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey, this is
> > my butt and my butt-hair, right?
> > So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then
> > my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I
> > said to myself.
> >
> > It is a statement that will go down in history with a
> > lot of other regretted statements:
> > "How many indians could there be?" said by General
> > Custer.
> > "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK.
> > "There! America On-line now has complete Usenet
> > access!" by some idiot system tech.
> >
> > Such was my anal shaving idea. I performed the
> > operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor
> > and a towel to sit on.
> >
> > Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the
> > crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of

> > ridding my arse of hair.
> >
> > Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of
> > accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did
> > by wiping it on the towel.
> >
> > Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to
> > resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn babe.
> >
> > Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed
> > my work.
> >
> > The towel was covered with a pile of hair.
> >
> > My arse was smooth as ivory.
> >
> > I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
> > Little did I know. I now have a great respect for
> > anal-hair.
> > Like everything in this world God created, it has its
> > mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had
> > removed it that I started to learn how much I had
> > been taking it for granted. For one, it provides
> > friction.
> >
> > I learned this the next day, when I walked out into
> > the sun heading for class.
> > After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to
> > sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant.
> >
> > The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was
> > causing the unpleasant sensation of my two arsecheeks
> > sliding past each other with every step.
> >
> > I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it
> > off, but had to get to class.
> >
> > Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
> >
> > Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling
> > with the microscopic shit-molecules lingering around
> > my brown starfish.
> >
> > When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck
> > together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination.
> > As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch.
> >
> > God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was
> > making its way up and down my crack.
> >
> > Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and
> > scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.
> >
> > Unfortunately, this exertion caused me to sweat,
> > and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were

> > sliding back and forth against each other like a pair
> > of horny cane-toads.
> >
> > I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my
> > arse off by sticking it in front of a fan and
> > spreading my cheeks.
> >
> > As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible
> > stench burst free and filled the room.
> > Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl.
> > I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering
> > shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my
> > face. I fought to keep from heaving.
> >
> > And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my arse cheeks
> > spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my
> > body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit
> > blowing right into my face, I had only one thought:
> > "It
> > will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."
> >
> > Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my
> > arse at every opportunity, I discovered another
> > wonderful use for arse-hair.
> >
> > Ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to
> > have it get stuck between my asscheeks.
> >
> > Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get
> > vacuum sealed together, and the result was a
> > frustrating fart that slid up and down between my
> > cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn't enough,
> > I
> > am now enduring further torture.
> >
> > As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when
> > hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble.
> >
> > Imagine your arse having the texture of a brillo
> > pad.
> >
> > Well,that is what I am dealing with now. It is a
> > hellish torture, and there are many times when I just
> > look out the window and comtemplate why shouldn't
> > just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy
> > splat, rather than endure this constant agony.
> >
> > Friends- DON'T SHAVE YOUR ARSE-HAIR!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ROFLMAO Harmless that is so funny god you have some good jokes
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    <CRINGE>

    My boyfriend has to constantly shave his overly-hairy arse to avoid 'ingrowing hair'...apparently it's a medical condition as far as his over-active follicles are concerned....

    Recently he invested in an electrolysis kit, and guess who has to pluck out the singed hairs individually with some tweezers?

    Moi. <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lmao i havent laughed so much in ages! <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    eww that is rank! funny but rank! why would any one want to shave there arse any way?!! <IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by **bArBiE**:
    <STRONG>eww that is rank! funny but rank! why would any one want to shave there arse any way?!! <IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"></STRONG>

    because lads get hairy arses. Some lads have hairier ones than others. Sometimes the hair on either inside leg/cheek can get long and tangled, when you shit, little dollops of poo get caught, meaning you have to spend ages wiping your bot.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was litterally laughing my head off!!! Keep them coming!
    Originally posted by SconeBeast:

    Recently he invested in an electrolysis kit, and guess who has to pluck out the singed hairs individually with some tweezers?

    Moi. <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    You must have a heart of gold. I dont think that I would EVER be able to do that. Bless you <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Extract From The Latest Mills and Boon Novel....With writing like this there really is no need for pictures!
    or is There???



    We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly
    kissing the evening horizon.
    The warm breeze was full of that earthy, musky scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat


    race know, and a quiet whispering of leaves
    in the weeping


    willow overhead added the final touch to the
    most romantic scene.
    We lay there, both naked. I knew I had to have her, and have her now.
    Without a word being spoken, I moved to a position of dominance.




    I could feel instantly that this was what she was


    waiting for as she frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ.
    I moved slowly at first, Inch by inch, until I was fully inside her.
    Then as the tension rose, we threw caution to the wind and abandoned
    ourselves to the moment. Although inexperienced,she


    approached every change of position with enthusiasm,moaning


    with despair every time I withdrew to prevent myself ending it all too soon.
    As the sexual tension heightened towards the
    inevitable mind


    blowing climax, it was all I could do to hold out any longer.


    Finally, the moment we had been building up
    to was upon us, and




    passed all too quickly. Breathlessly we rolled together in the




    now damp grass.
    As the last deep orange glow of the long setting sun melted


    into the darkness of approaching night, we lay there still


    entwined in an amorous embrace.
    I kissed her long and lovingly, and whispered reassuringly how




    good she had been.She tenderly and sensuously licked my inner


    ear then whispered, 'Baaa' and rejoined the
    flock.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
    lower standards than i do <IMG SRC="tongue.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whats wrong with trimming with a pair of scissors? <IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kermit:
    <STRONG>Whats wrong with trimming with a pair of scissors? <IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"></STRONG>

    some people obviously like the idea of a smooth botty.
    Not I, I love having hair to absorb all the sweat <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LOL that was great man! Bum grapes are a bit of a nightmare, but i'm not very hairy at all <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lmao, that was funny. the sheep one was pretty good aswell a bit sick but pretty good.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ROFLMAO! <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> Harmless, that was bloody brilliant! And ROFLOL at the sheep one too. <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    this made me laugh. thanks. *mental note: do not shave arse hair as planned*
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