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Being too nice

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
If I had to describe myself i would say that I can be shy at times, not very talkative to people I don't know, a little too trusting, I often complain a lot without realising it. But most of all I think I am too nice.

Like when someone needs something, I'll give them it, or offer to do something and often go out of my way. A recent example was when a girl asked for a t-shirt to wear after prom. Everyone else had a change of clothes, but no one offered. I did. It was a new t-shirt (worn once, mean for club earlier that night but we didn't go) I haven't seen the t-shirt again.

At prom earlier that night this boy was sitting with us and he complained constantly about the seating arrangements (not my fault but i got it all the time because he was sitting next to me) he hung around the year before with me and another guy who was sitting further along the table (and other guys who were at the other table. He kept saying how he got on with them better than me and the other guy and it generally pissed me off because, when no one else had time for him it was me who listened to his problems and helped him out.

It was just when I was thinking yesterday when I offered to go out of my way to get someone a job at my work that I thought "Would they do this for me?" and, tbh I don't think they would (well, wouldn't try as hard anyway)


Now I've realised that I do this all the time with little or no thanks for it at all. I listen to everyone's problems but when it comes to it, no one has time for mine.

I guess this is more of a rant than anything else but it just pisses me off.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I got called too nice the other week because I wouldn't go and pull a girl that my friend was seeing.:eek2: I know you have to put yourself first sometimes, but I think that's pushing it a bit.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I got called too nice the other week because I wouldn't go and pull a girl that my friend was seeing.:eek2: I know you have to put yourself first sometimes, but I think that's pushing it a bit.

    Of course, you'd really do that knowing she was with someone...:rolleyes:

    I used to be the same, changed slightly now though. I don't lend stuff (pens, money, etc) unless I know I'm definately going to get it back.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's better being known for being too nice for being too much of a bitch I think. People still shouldn't treat you like that. If someone fucks you around again be nice but assertive like err..'Actually I didn't like it when you gave me that wedgie just now'. You get the idea!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote:
    Of course, you'd really do that knowing she was with someone...:rolleyes:
    Well 'with someone' might be a bit of a push. More like on and off for the past few months. But you get the idea. Anyone else and I wouldn't have that much of a problem, but I'm supposed to be his friend. But anyway, I digress.

    I think there's a distinction to be made between being nice, and being unoffensive, if you get what I mean. You get people who try their hardest to not upset anyone, or say anything that someone might disagree with. It means that you are nice, but never interesting. The other option is the take the piss, have a bit of a joke with people (and be willing to take them yourself), give your opinion about things, don't agree to do things that you don't want to, and generally don't be a pushover. If you genuinely upset someone because of this and you were out of order, then you apologise. That's nice. It's also interesting, fun and shows you've got things to say and opinions to be listened to. Of course you can go too far the other way and end up as an arrogant tosser, but it's quite hard to do (he says, hoping no-one is pointing fingers).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Being nice is fine, but people never respect a pushover
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You get people who try their hardest to not upset anyone, or say anything that someone might disagree with. It means that you are nice, but never interesting.

    I have a friend who is like this. Far too nice to upset anyone (as I found out a few weeks ago) and not really that interesting.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Blah wrote:
    Being nice is fine, but people never respect a pushover

    Fucking hell. I was going to say I wasn't a pushover but thinking of a few things I've done which i thought was being thoughtful (like rushing to meet someone because the time suited them and not me) but I think I am a pushover :|
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Unfortunately we live a society where being "nice" is a curse. Half of people will take advantage of you and the other half will hate you for it. And don't even get me started on women & niceness. :impissed:

    You've three choices basically: You can fundamentally alter your personality which is pretty hard to do and you may end up hating yourself. Stay the same but ending up hating everyone and everything but you'll probably end up suicidal. Or try to find like minded people which is also pretty hard to do.

    Thinking about it there is a fourth but I don't think many will agree with going on a killing spree...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lifeless wrote:
    You've three choices basically: You can fundamentally alter your personality which is pretty hard to do and you may end up hating yourself. Stay the same but ending up hating everyone and everything but you'll probably end up suicidal. Or try to find like minded people which is also pretty hard to do.
    Jesus Christ, it's not that bad. All you have to remember is that the majority of people you meet in life will only care about what you can do for them, not about you as a person. That's not a bad thing, that's just the way it works. I think you'll find that you feel the same about the majority of people too, if you really think about it.

    Before you do anything for anyone, you've got to ask yourself "would this person do the same for me?" and "does this person care about me?" If the answer to those is yes, then go ahead (because they will be real friends or family). If the answer is no, then ask yourself "what's in it for me?" If the answer is nothing, then don't bother. It doesn't have to be anything tangeble, it could just be the good feeling you get from helping someone. But it's easy to get into the habit of trying to accomodate everyone, and that's when people take advantage.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have been called "too nice" on the odd occasion by some people, basically because i suppose i get on with everyone. I wouldn't say i was a pushover, i dunno i just guess am nice to people. Don't really see why that is a problem to people. I would prefer to be nice then be a miserable cunt who was horrible to anyone.

    But i guess like lifeless said, being nice doesn't always work. Suppose in relationship terms, the nice guy, in my experience, does always come last.
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