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Most difficult situation...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like your partner cared about someone more? Evne if they said they didn't, their actions seemed to say something different. They go round and see them one on one, 4 days in a row, whilst saying to you they miss you and wish they could see you, but when you turn up at their house by surprise, they don't seem thrilled, and when you try to be spontaneous and ask them to come see you, they say they can't - they're busy.
But they still tell you they love you, so how can you consider walking away? Your room, phone, wallet, computer is full of pictures of them, and happy times you shared together. How can you walk away when they say to you, 'I love you'. But then, you're not really happy, because it seems they're not interested any more. By their own admission, they feel more special, more prized, with their new friend, than they do with you.
I wish it wasn't me in this situation, because I really don't know what to do.
But they still tell you they love you, so how can you consider walking away? Your room, phone, wallet, computer is full of pictures of them, and happy times you shared together. How can you walk away when they say to you, 'I love you'. But then, you're not really happy, because it seems they're not interested any more. By their own admission, they feel more special, more prized, with their new friend, than they do with you.
I wish it wasn't me in this situation, because I really don't know what to do.
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Comments
When the time is right for you you'll know what to do.
I need a hug. Why is it that when things get you down, its then you find theres nobody aroud you to be there for you. It annoys me more, because she's ben naive about this person. He's waiting for us to break up so he can move in, but she just seems him as a supportive friend. With 'supportive' cuddles.
I feel a tad sick. Will have to wait till 3 because she's going out with her friends to have lunch. Mums not much use, she just goes 'call it a day then', and, I just need to work things through in my mind. Although, by her manner this morning, I wouldn't be surprised if she does it herself this evening.
She should rightly put you first, not second. That's what i would expect from a relationship.
Like someone else said... if she doesn't change.... you'll know what to do.
Good luck.
Well she's at college at the moment, then she's going out to lunch with her friends, then she's coming to mine. So nothing I can do but wait.
At least you're going to see her, remember get everything out of your system, you might be disappointed with her reaction as she probably thinks she isn't doing anything wrong, which she clearly is. You know how you feel, so tell her, the more you lock it up, it'll just get worse and nothing will change... actually you'll end up splitting up and you don't want that.
You need to tell her that if she doesnt sort it out its not gonna work, need to be firm. in my opinion she's walking all over you at the moment, spends more time with this other guy and has you to fall back on when it pleases her.
saying "i love you" is easy...i wouldnt always take it as gospel unless you can feel the love!
you may love this girl, but i think you need to wise up before you end up more hurt!
Love means nothing when just spoken in words... it has to be practised. We all have our own ideas of how love should be but there are general principles... going and seeing other guys and other people while you're upset isn't one of them mate. Stick up for your self, be 100% defiant with what you're sayiong, do not let her walk all over you. You're a decent lad, is she a decent girl?
But yea, we talked last night and things seemed to be headed in the right-ish directino, but I texted her this morning and she texted me back, we were texting and then she stopped... I rang her and she said she couldn't talk, bye. Then I sent her the odd one or two texts after but it's like shes just ignoring me now.
It's difficult because if I ever talk to her about it, she says 'sorry, I just want you to be happy, tell me what you want me to do', and she doesn't get that it's not any one thing, it's the whole general, she doesn't seem that interested any more. Things will be ok by the end of a 'talk', but then straightaway after she goes off me again. Maybe I've been looking through rose tinted glasses, because it seems fairly obvious we dont want the same things. But she makes me believe she does every time we talk.
That deserves a round of applause, I agree completely.
You definitely do need to be firm, lay your problems and concerns on the line and she what she comes back at you with. It might seem strange to promote selfishness but this girl seems to be ripping you [and your relationship] apart and you need to take steps to protect your own heart. I think she's only going to hurt you more, the longer you let this thing drag out. But obviously only you know if it's worth fighting for, when it comes down to it.
Best of luck with it all mate.
You need to talk to her again, today, face to face, tell her your upset.. and tlel her why and then tell her how she can make you feel better.Then ask her if she has any issues and agree on something. Then tell her I don't want all this happening again as it hurts me. If she isn't up for the challenge she welll... you know.
Well I texted her twice, then her friend once, so wasn't harassing her with text messages. Went and spoke to her for 20 minutes between her lessons, she said to this guy last night she didn't want a relationship with him and needed space, he saw her today and started crying. She said she hates the position she's in because he's supposed to be her friend but is trying to 'best' me, so to speak. She said she's fed up of the both of us, which I can appreciate, but she's coming over later so we can chill out a bit and talk, I think we've both ben getting exceptionally stressed.
IMO, he's being unfair, but she is giving him the wrong signals by trying to be his best friend, when it's obvious that's not what he wants. Mums taking me out for a Pizza Hut buffet lunch to make me
If things dont go so well, then I'll err dunno. Haven't thought anything through yet. But I will talk with her.
seriously man, i think you need to finish this one.
she's obviously trying to get the best of both worlds..
by telling him she doesnt want a relationship surely that means that they are close close, rather than friend close...
i would never say "i dont want a relationship" to my female friends, that would just be too weird...i would hope they would respond with "what the hell you on about.."
why is she fed up with the both of you? its u who should be fed up of her playing you for a fool.
:yes:
I know it's gonna be hard and you've got a lot of history together, but it sounds like your relationship has reached its natural expiry date and the longer you stick around, the more it's going to hurt when it ends, especially as she appears to be treating you like a pile of doggy poo. That's not what you do to someone you love.
I've said it before, but I've never meant it so much - you are a nice, genuine guy and you deserve so much better than being dicked about by this girl.
I agree with kaff, she isn't as naive as she makes out. She's bored and messing about, you're frustrated - talks never change anything. I'd say it's time to go your own ways.
Hope your doing alright. Good luck.
I've been suspicious all the while he's been pretending to be 'happy' she's with me, and is actually trying to steal her, since he's made far too many mistakes, accidentally kissing her, etc. etc. (she didn't kiss him back). I'm not quite sure why she stuck it out and stayed friends with him, but it's that classic girl routine - he is a good friend underneath, if I can just get through to that he'll stop loving me.
Well today, she saw him, and after saying she needed space from him, he was crying. She went into town with her friends, and he came along too (heh, only boy there), and stuck to her like glue. She left town, and again, he followed her, she picked up her bag and started crying. He felt this was because of the stress.
When she got to my house we spoke about everything. She's actually been a bit off today because last night he was sending her rather peculiar text messages. This was after we very narrowly avoided breaking up, he was saying he was dissappointed because he wanted to be her partner. We spoke about it, and she said she didn't like the situation she was in, but underneath she wanted to be friends, because he does listen to her. Whether that's because he cares or is just a ploy, who knows.
Just a sample text (from memory) that he sent her this afternoon (it was literally harassment, he wouldnt stop
(he thinks hes a big romantic knight or something)
Whilst it was almost funny how weird this boy is, it was unnerving my girlfriend. In a test of blind faith I suppose, I've said, I trust her to deal with this, because she knows how I feel about him, and if I'm still unhappy then there's not much point carrying on. But the main achievement really was her realising that he didn't see her as a friend at all, but wanted to be her boyfriend, and she kind of turned sour about him. I said to her, whatever happens now is critical, and the only way we can do it is if we do it together, so if she's being two faced, or keeping things from me, then that's it.
But we did leave on a good note. We both got things out into the open, and I think now I realise why it's been awkard for her. If I was in that situation, I would just say plainly 'I'm not interested' - but I think she does care about this boy in a platonic way and genuinely wanted to be good friends with him. But it appears that can't be so.
But aside from today, I personally can't take any more of the grief, so if there's anything else now then I will just have to walk away. But when she seems to have realised whats been happening, it could be a turning point, and I feel compelled to give us a chance. To be fair, I didn't think I would be saying this, it's come as a surprise really, I thought it was going to be me or her, but I suppose there's something to be said for explanations and being open with each other, because otherwise things appear other than they should.
Take care shy.
all she needs to do is tell him to back off sharpish and if he carries on being a puppy dog, then she can't be friends with him
i don't see why shes letting it carry on, its not fair on you or him