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confused

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
Since my parents have separated, i've taken more notice of relationships. And i've noticed that relationships around me are going wrong all the time. I sort of feel i'm waiting for it to go wrong with me, my boyfriend is amazing and adores me. It's almost too good to be true! It's a long distance thing too. I dunno if this is just an aftershock of my parents splitting - but i always felt they were never well suited in the first place. It's sort of left me scared to put my whole heart into my relationship - i'm hanging back incase i get hurt again (we went out briefly in 2004 and had a year apart where we both grew up alot). Any words of advice? The last thing i want is to split up with my boyfriend. I guess i just need to be able to open up more and express my emotions better.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i was bummed when my parents seperated too. i've always been scared of relationships and getting hurt because i've seen it all happen with my parents for most of my life! but then it struck me that i can't let the fear of getting hurt affect me so much. we're bound to get hurt at some point in any relationship we have, no matter how perfect it may seem. it's how you deal with it that'll make you both stronger, and make your relationship stronger as well!
    i've been seeing someone for about a month now (the first time that's ever happened to me!i usually run away after two weeks!), and we've had our ups and downs in that short time, but we tlak about it and we work it through....he knows i can be ultra sensitive and i get hurt easily, and we're both making an effort - me not to be too sensitive, and him not to be too insensitive!
    hope this helps,good luck!xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just because your parents marriage didn't last for eternity doesn't mean yours won't, or that their marriage wasn't successful. believe it or not they loved eachother at some point and will have had many happy times together. some things are just not meant to last. if your relationship with your boyfriend now doesn't last then it doesn't mean that your future ones won't, either.

    my parents divorced 11 years ago but my dads parents were married 61 years or something before my gran sadly passed away. and the same with my mums parents - they were married i think 55 years. divorce isn't genetic. ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i've tried councelling before, it didn't really do anything for me. I just gradually felt better on my own accord.
    If i told my parents i wanted councelling again then my mum will start asking loads of questions and blaming herself which i don't want.
    I see my bf on friday, so i'll explain to him how i'm feeling and we can talk or whatever.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    And i've noticed that relationships around me are going wrong all the time.

    The vast, vast majority of relationships don't last the distance. Some of them do, which is excellent :). Nobody can say which relationships will work, and which ones won't. All you can do is give it a go, and see how things pan out.

    There are only two certainties in life - one is the beginning, and the other is the end. In the middle of the two, all you can do is have a go, and try to make your life as enjoyable as possible. If that means opening your heart and going for the long-haul, then so be it. And if it means making the decision to change the current direction of life, then so be it.

    I guess all we can do is take life a day at a time, or a step at a time. See how things are going and either stick with it, or change the route, accordingly.

    Most people don't get things right first time, or second or third. Or even three-hundred and seventh-third. Hence why most people have had prior relationships, changed career, moved house, etc.

    There is no map of the future, and there never will be. But you can draw a route you'd like to take, and do your best to steer your life so it heads along the lines of the map - don't be too disheartened if you have to make a few detours on the way, it happens to everyone :).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    i've tried councelling before, it didn't really do anything for me. I just gradually felt better on my own accord.

    Ah, but did you? Talking things over with a professional doesn't always work in the way you imagine. Nobody walks out of a room and suddenly realises that the counsellor was right, and that they were wrong. It takes a long time for their words and guidance to actially settle in and start to make you think outside of your own little box :).

    Of course, I know naff all. I've not seen anything to make me agree with the two posters above who mentioned counselling, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't help you.

    :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ah, but did you? Talking things over with a professional doesn't always work in the way you imagine. Nobody walks out of a room and suddenly realises that the counsellor was right, and that they were wrong. It takes a long time for their words and guidance to actially settle in and start to make you think outside of your own little box :).

    Of course, I know naff all. I've not seen anything to make me agree with the two posters above who mentioned counselling, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't help you.

    :)
    well it seemed to me that the councellor mostly just nodded, smiled and gave the odd bit of input - but i'm not sure if i took any of it in or not. I dunno if its for me or not. It feels a bit patronising.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some are crap, don't get me wrong. But some of them are actually bothered about the people they see, and try to help. First two counsellors I saw were shite. Really, really shite. The psychologist I'm seeing at the moment is surprisingly good, but getting an appointment with Bin Laden would be easier.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some are crap, don't get me wrong. But some of them are actually bothered about the people they see, and try to help. First two counsellors I saw were shite. Really, really shite. The psychologist I'm seeing at the moment is surprisingly good, but getting an appointment with Bin Laden would be easier.
    i've so far seen two councellors. The school one was crap, the 2nd one was out of school but not much better tbh. I've also seen a councellor that specialises in panic attacks. She was quite good. But it took alot of hassling before the doctors would consider letting me see her. I went back a number of times about my panic attacks, which were so severe they were stopping me from going to school. One doctor just told me to chill out because the clinic that they have for councelling young people was full up - and my case wasn't severe enough (probably because i wasn't threatening to slit my wrists) even though i was very depressed. I finally saw a different one and he put me on beta blockers and on the waiting list to see the councellor about panic attacks straight away. :rolleyes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    And i've noticed that relationships around me are going wrong all the time.

    Aren't you 16? Surely most relationships between young people end up wrong?

    I don't think counselling is necessary... but then I have never seen one and I don't know anybody that has needed to. I think it's just everyone on thesite keeping consellors in jobs!! I think you should just learn to stop worrying about other peoples lifes and concentrate on living your own.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there Ballerina,

    A lot of people with parents going through divorce will feel the same way as you do. It may not necassarilly be that more relationships are going wrong, but you are just noticing them more.

    Although it may be difficult, try not to allow the divorce between your parents to affect all your other relationships. Don't be afraid to put your whole heart in the relationship. You may feel vulnerable at first, but the rewards are well worth it.

    Here is a link designed for people going through the same situation. They have useful websites to visit, offer a chance to talk, and as other postres have suggested get counselling-which you do only if you feel up to it.

    I hope this will be useful. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't say that i could relate to a divorce, however my parents are constantly arguing that sometimes they might be better off divorcing. But i as well do have those feelings where i feel a relationship wont work with me. I just remind myself that relationships are not perfect and when the hard part occurs, you have to determine whether or not the relationship is worth fighting for. If your bf treats you like gold, then why not make it work. If he treats you like gold and then hurts your feelings, don't regret and swear off relationships. In the end, he loses and you win b/c he would be the asshole who screwed up. Also it gives you the opportunity to break away from a loser and find a better person. It all involves takin' a chance, so don't be confused. let yourself feel your heart.
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