Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

Sex before marraige

PearlyPearly Posts: 345 The Mix Regular
Hey guys and gals,

I just wondered what your opinions are on sex before marraige - are there any of you that have decided to wait and is it religion or simply a choice?

Have you encountered any problems with having made this decision? I have a friend who is a Christian and the men she meets seem to run a mile after she mentions it, are there any guys out there who are not Christians but would accept their beliefs and wait and if not, why? (yes apart from the obvious!)

I'd be really interested to hear your views on this!

Thanks,
Pearly
«13

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i guess if you do it, its gonna be for religious reasons these days, so youre more likely to find people who are fine with it in your own church. For most people these days I think even with strong moralistic views about sex, theyre probably gonna only wait for love, rather than marriage necessarily.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    All those that have decided to wait until their married, feel that if they love someone enough to sleep with them, they love them enough to get married, and if that's true, they might as well wait until they're married.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know girls who wait for no religious reason, just because they want to. Which of course as a girl I think is nice. Any guy who would leave you because of sex isn't worth your time. Better to know up front he is a jerk then sleep with him and find out later.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i guess if you do it, its gonna be for religious reasons these days, so youre more likely to find people who are fine with it in your own church. For most people these days I think even with strong moralistic views about sex, theyre probably gonna only wait for love, rather than marriage necessarily.

    This is how I see it. Like, it's not sex before marriage, but sex before love. I think it's just the case that marriage is seen as proof and a symbol of love, and therefore sex should wait till then.

    I'm a Christian, and though I'm fine with foreplay, I don't want to have sex until I'm with someone that I love, and that I trust. However, this is more a matter of my personal opinion rather than the fact I'm a Christian.

    Hmm... I think I'm just making this issue more confusing.

    Sex is for love. The end.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Blairx0 wrote:
    Any guy who would leave you because of sex isn't worth your time. Better to know up front he is a jerk then sleep with him and find out later.

    So many girls I know need to learn that lesson :yes:

    Personally, I have never considered waiting til marriage, but I can understand why someone would want to. I think it's nice in all honesty. I personally didn't, but I lost my virginity to the guy that I love, and there's no regrets - if anything happened in future to break us up, I still wouldn't regret it. I guess it's what everyones comfortable with. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote:
    All those that have decided to wait until their married, feel that if they love someone enough to sleep with them, they love them enough to get married, and if that's true, they might as well wait until they're married.

    If you don't mind me asking (both you and Piccolo)... As Christians, does it affect your attitudes to sex?

    Do you guys believe in sex before marriage?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just to lower the tone... What about trying before you buy? :p I don't think I would ever marry someone who I'd never slept with. It just seems strange to dedicate yourself not knowing if you're compatible in all ways!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Knobbbly wrote:
    Just to lower the tone... What about trying before you buy? :p I don't think I would ever marry someone who I'd never slept with. It just seems strange to dedicate yourself not knowing if you're compatible in all ways!

    I guess it depends on your value system. I would marry a person whom I've never had sex with because I don't think sex to be very important. But lucky my boyfriend and I have no problems
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i don't see whats wrong with sex before marriage
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For those who are against sex before marriage, they are most likely holding that opinion for religious reasons. Or, as mentioned previously in the thread, they want to wait for that special person. When they find this person, they might love him to such an extent they get married, meaning they can now go wild.

    Something like that. I struggle to see the immoral part of having sex before marriage. Religious part? Easy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can see both sides of the coin people wanting to "try before they buy" and people who want to remain virgins till they are married.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    At this point of my life, I wouldn't mind if my girlfriend wanted to wait until we are married.
    No biggy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's a bit late for that for me, but it's never even really been something for me to think about, who knows if i'm even ever going to end up married or what not. I think these days more people co-habit together before or even they get hitched or even with no plans of marrige at all.
    I can understand why some people choose to wait, and good for them and all that, but i do think that fewer and fewer people are making that descision as times move on, but each to their own.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just wondered what your opinions are on sex before marraige - are there any of you that have decided to wait and is it religion or simply a choice?

    I had sex before marriage because for me, a physical relationship is a very important aspect of the relationship as a whole. Plus, I don't know if I ever will, or want to get married, it's pretty moot as far as I'm concerned.
    Have you encountered any problems with having made this decision?

    I have a friend who went out with a Catholic girl who was willing to do 'anything but'. It was very difficult for him because he respected her choices, but found her very contradictory because they'd end up naked together, rubbing genitals, oral sex, mutual masterbation and he didn't enjoy the teasing aspect of it, and the relationship prompty ended. I have very little time for people who pull the Clintonesque defence.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have sex before marriage, because i'm not religious.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you don't mind me asking (both you and Piccolo)... As Christians, does it affect your attitudes to sex?

    Do you guys believe in sex before marriage?
    Define attitude to sex? You mean my personal behaviour, or the way I think about the place of sex in society?

    As for the other question, I won't be having sex before I'm married unless (as far as I'm concerned) something goes wrong.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    go_away wrote:
    I have a friend who went out with a Catholic girl who was willing to do 'anything but'. It was very difficult for him because he respected her choices, but found her very contradictory because they'd end up naked together, rubbing genitals, oral sex, mutual masterbation and he didn't enjoy the teasing aspect of it, and the relationship prompty ended. I have very little time for people who pull the Clintonesque defence.

    Just because I've just spotted this, for the record I think this catholic girl is behaving in an extremely hypocritical way. For me, no sex before marriage is more than the "anything but" attitude, it's because you want to be saving a particular physical aspect of your relationship for just one person. If you're willing to behave as this girl did, then you're not really doing the no-sex thing for the right reasons.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's a natural physical act that is essential for the evolution of mankind, it's been going on since the beginning of mankind and will to the end. This whole romantic notion of no sex before marriage is a creation by the Church and is absolute fucking bollox IMHO. Others disagree, fair play.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not in the least bit religious (I'm actually athiest) but I do think that sex should be more than just a physical act. Which is why I'm waiting until I find 'long term love' to lose my virginity to. I have no idea when I'm gonna get married (if at all!) so I could've been waiting forever lol. But nah, I'm just happy to wait until I find someone worth sleeping with.

    If people want to wait until after marriage, then there's no harm in that.

    Ilora x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    all i know is that if i were only allowed to drive one car for the rest of my life, i'd damn sure want to take it for a test drive before i handed over my cash.

    when i marry, i intend to stay married for life. so i want to be as sure as i can be that every aspect of my relationship is going to work out. which includes sex.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can catholics use sex toys?

    I do believe in sex before marriage, I don't think marriage even appeals to me.

    I think everyone's entitled to their own opinions about sex, but for me I don't have sex outside relationships. Some things are better when you have a connection with the person.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can catholics use sex toys?

    I dunno, I mostly don't get catholics.
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    Surely it's worth finding out if your sexually compatible before commiting to marriage?
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There's more to sex than penetration, don't forget. You can tell if you're "sexually compatible" with someone without sleeping around first. I don't think that's a "clintonesque" defence either, really.

    I didn't wait until marriage before I had sex, and that isn't a choice that I would have ever wanted to make. But I wouldn't throw stones at people who did choose to make that choice in life.
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    Kermit wrote:
    There's more to sex than penetration, don't forget. You can tell if you're "sexually compatible" with someone without sleeping around first. I don't think that's a "clintonesque" defence either, really.

    True, but for many poeple as Fiend said...
    Fiend wrote:
    no sex before marriage is more than the "anything but" attitude, it's because you want to be saving a particular physical aspect of your relationship for just one person.

    If sexual realtions is that important to you, surely you shoudl know that you future partner can please you in the bedroom.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Blairx0 wrote:
    Any guy who would leave you because of sex isn't worth your time. Better to know up front he is a jerk then sleep with him and find out later.
    To be fair, just because a guy doesn't have the same values as you doesn't make him a jerk. He just has a different idea of sex to you that's all. If he's going out with someone who considers sex something that should wait til after marriage, and he doesn't feel the same way, then you'd be wasting his time as much as he's wasting yours.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    \
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i wonder about this and have discussed this. Still not 100% sure what I believe, although never waited till marriage myself.
    I think finding out if youre sexually compatible before marriage is a fine idea, but people might be sexually compatible at first, and then drives vary, and sexual tastes can change throughout life. If you base sexual compatibility too high, you could end up being disappointed later on, and then it be more of a shock, than if two people love each other and really really do love each other without sex, then WHATEVER sex they have after marriage is just going to be a bonus and an expression of that love - nothing to do with knowing how to please someone or individual learned sexual tastes. Also got more of an opportunity to grow and learn about sex together.
    I think it sounds like a beautiful and romantic thing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Personally, I don't understand why anyone would wait until marriage to have sex, but each to their own. I just think it's a shame that religion has tricked so many people into believing their natural urges and instincts are sinful and something to be controlled. Just my opinion however as someone who is very anti organised religion.
    But religion invented marriage in the first place. Surely they can make up the rules. :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skive wrote:
    If sexual realtions is that important to you, surely you shoudl know that you future partner can please you in the bedroom.

    Yes, but as I understand it, great sex tends to come from emotional closness and being able to communicate what your needs are. If you can't talk honestly with your partner about anything before getting married, then perhaps you shouldn't be marrying them, irrespective of sexual compatability.

    All the people I know who waited have no complaints at all, and believe me I've wanted to know.
Sign In or Register to comment.