Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

I don't normally need advice, but...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Picture the situation. Me and a mate meet this girl a year or so ago, but he makes the first move and has been with her ever since. He's a bit of a boy, though.

He's never liked us talking, not even as mates. He always made her block me, and the same with me.

They've been going through lots of rough patches in the last few weeks, and she unblocked me to see if he had blocked her. We got talking, and I offered her advice and stuff, all completely genuine. It went on and on until she started talking about coming to bike meets with us, and I said well borrow Jo's helmet again and you can come. It turns out, that this Jo is my mates ex and Jo and the girl hate each other. The girl made my mate promise he'd never speak to Jo again, but my mate has been. I didn't mean to drop my mate in it, but I did. He told the girl the helmet was mine and I gave it to him because I was scared about getting back on a bike.

Anyway, she got all upset and we got talking. I honestly had no plans, it was completely genuine. It ended nicely, and I convinced her to stay with him. We kept talking, again and again (all completely behind my mates back) but as time went on, and conversation moved on, it became obvious that this mate was playing us both.

For a quick example, he said to me he'd come tomorrow (May Day) but told her he'd spend the day with her. He then told her that his bike broke down, and she got upset so he told me his bike broke down and kept lieing 'cus as far as he knew, we wern't speaking.

We kept talking about the past and it became apparant that he had lied over and over again. We worked as a team and she kinda got sick of it all, even though she loves him to pieces. As I keep saying, it was all completely genuine until... Saying bye was like some kind of movie. I received a text as I was going to bed "love u x" and to be honest, I can't say I feel a lot different. I can't stop thinking about her.

Now the problem is, this guy is my mate, but I don't feel guilty at all 'cus I knew he was lying to her, but lying to me is a big no in my books. He's at her house now, and she's secretly "txting" me: "I duno wat 2 do his jst so nice when his normal bt den i think of da lies it makes me sick. Wish i ws tlkin 2 u x"

I'm feeling more and more the urge to try and win her over, but I honestly dunno how to do it, or if I even should.

I've never met a girl like her before, before then I always argued against girlfriends and stuff, but this girl is quality.

They've been happy for a year, but it's became obvious that it's only because he's lied so many times to keep her happy. I'm stuck.

I want her... Lots... But I dunno how to go about it. She's the type of girl that's so nice, she wouldn't dump someone because it'd hurt them.

I'm seriously mad about this girl. She's so special and we get on so well, I can't stop thinking about her and I want her so much. :heart:

Advice?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well the big question is friendship or love... Not going to tell you what to do, but what I would do, if I was feeling as strong for her as you seems to fell, well, I will be a cunt and get her... People say friend last forever and love come and go, but let's be obvious when it is the right love it come and stay forever... your mate being lying to you and her... therefor he is not a good partner nor a good friend... anyway... your call...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Go for it, your "mate" seems like a bit of a dick.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, I'd have to say go for it, too.

    Usually I'd go with the old "mates before dates" (or whatever spin you want to put on it) adage, but if he's been building a relationship with her based on lies and a rocky foundation then he's not treating her in the way she deserves and you should at least consider maybe enlightening her in that respect. If she's this special to you then I think you'd be doing yourself a disservice not to at least let her know the extent of your feelings and then maybe take things from there. As you said she's not the type to dump someone for fear of hurting their feelings, you may well run into a few additional problems there. But if it's worth it, then it's worth it!

    I would say don't go behind his back with any of it though. If she means that much to you and at some point you decide to make a go of a relationship together then you need to front out any animosity (or sheer rage) rather than sneaking about. At least that's the way I see it.

    Good luck, mate. :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would wait for her to break up with him first. If they're going through a rough patch (even if there have been a lot of lies) you wouldn't want to be the one to ruin it. Maybe she and you have both got the wrong end of the stick? Seems a bit harsh imo to 'steal' a mates girlfriend. To steal anyone's, in fact.

    If things end naturally thoug, then maybe go for it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Go for it mate, i mean it sounds as though she wouldnt take much persuading to dump your mate and get with you and he doesnt really sound like much of a mate anyway what with all the lying and whatnot.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd go for it too... he sounds a right idiot..
Sign In or Register to comment.