Things just keep happening! BAH!

Former Member

Hi all,
So...been a rough month for me it seems like, bah.

Apparently, now my girlfriend says we see each other too much, and that we're both losing friends. (Even though I don't see that I am...)

We usually see each other once or twice per weekend, and then once through the week. The only exception was last weekend, where I hung out with her Friday-Tuesday, at various times.

She is usually busy with things like working from monday-friday, so weekends are her only time to hang out with me and friend... But I always tell her that if her friends want to do something, to go ahead and I'll find something else, yet she always seems to want to be with me, and says she would rather be with me.

I find it awesome, but apparently now it's a horrible thing and that she's been thinking about alot. Yet, tonight she calls me and wants me to meet her at the mall for a 30 minute escapade, when I'm already hanging out with a friend...

So.... I don't know, I mean, I guess I understand, since it is her only time to see anyone, but now suddenly its a horrible thing to see each other more than once in a weekend.

I guess it's just making me feel kinda crappy, considering how I don't really get to see her through the week either.

Bleh...it's a wierd feeling, I'm not used to feeling this way, I don't know if its hurt, or confused, or what...

I'm going to be gone Saturday and Sunday of this weekend, so hopefully that will get her off this "Be gone with Satai" kick. *sigh*

I guess it was more of a rant, but if you have any thoughts or comments, please do chime in... :impissed:

Former Member

pah, this happened to me. i don't see my boyfriend in the week generally as i'm at uni, just at weekends, but he suddenly decided he didnt want to have to worry about seeing me and he would rather spend time with his friends. second thoughts i guess after a year together. (not to worry you but in my case he also decided he liked someone else. it's all sorted now, but i think his excuse about not wanting to spend so much time together was a disguise for a much bigger problem.)

don't shoot the messenger, but you have to ask yourself if she's saying this is she really worth it? surely she should want to spend time with you and if that means sometimes making time for you over her friends, so be it. i think you two really need to sit down and talk about it. lay down your terms also don't let her walk all over you, just tell her if she really still wants to be with you she's going to have to make some time with you. explain that you don't want to stop her seeing her friends, but that she needs to balance the time she spends with you with the time she spends with them. its one thing spending more time with you than with them but she's a crap girlfriend if she thinks its ok to spend more time with them, than with you.

Former Member

This happened with me too. We both were losing a lot of friends because we wanted to spend all our free time with eachother. Every night, when we wernt together, we were on the phone (and still are..)

What we did was set it up so..
One weekend was us two alone, the next both of us with her friends, the next both of us with my friends.
It was great, we got to know and become friends with eachothers friends and our relationship really took off.
Compromise my friend, compromise

**helen**

Hi Satai - I have to agree with both Pink Vans and Killingismybiz - both have good insights into the difficulties of balancing a relationship and other friends.

The main point I'd emphasise in communication - the article I've linked to also mentions the compromise Killingismybiz referred to. I hope you manage to resolve the problems with your girlfriend.

Take care

Former Member

So we took a walk and talked yesterday.

Basically her reasons that she stated were:

1. Losing Friends
2. Seeing each other isn't 'special' anymore since we see each other all the time.
3. She wants 'alone' time with her friends.
4. She doesn't want to always be a couple going places.
5. She stated: "We see each other ALOT lately, and if God forbid we broke up, it'd be alot harder on both of us."

...

It's funny, she states this stuff, and that it's not special, yet the next second tells me that she loves spending time with me, and every second is amazing.

It's also wierd, because like, she started almost making a SCHEDULE for us to see each other. (Not exactly but kind of laying one out.)

Her: 'So, Friday's are usually alone time, I see Saturday's as group things, and Sunday's I usually can't do anything, and through the week is the regular stuff.'

It wasn't exactly a schedule, but I'm starting to feel as though we are... and it sucks.

I don't know, right now I'm kind of down about the subject, I can understand the losing friends part, but now I'm starting to think that we -REALLY- need to see ALOT less of each other, I'm seeing maybe the beginnings of being taken for granted maybe?

..*sigh*..

Former Member

Hmm... The whole balancing time thing can be really hard!

I'm sure everyone in a relationship knows how hard it is when you really wanna spend all your time with someone, but you wanna just hang out with the friends too!

I've been in relationships where I've really found myself completely friendless. But my last one seemed to work out really well. We had time that was just us, time that he spent just him, time that I spent just me, time I spent with my friends, time he spent with his. But most importantly we had time we spent with us and his friends, and with us and my friends.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm trying to say here... but I think maybe your girlfriend might just be trying to figure everything out in her head. She seems a bit contradictory at times, but maybe she's just not entirely sure what she wants.

Basically, it might seem that right now everything is given a time on a schedule. I don't know how long you guys have been going out but maybe once you get into the swing of things, it will all seem much more natural. What about surprise visits? Or asking if you can borrow some of her time to take her out? What about a random phone call at a random time and saying, "Hey, wanna hang out for a bit?" Maybe you can hang out and study together and stuff. Do things together that you might have thought you could only do by yourself, kinda thing.

Also, I think you should maybe consider that her friends might be telling her that she's spending too much time with you. It might not be all her idea if she's not making much sense about things!

Wow... I wrote a lot of nonsense... but good luck!



xx