How long before you respect her?

Former Member

Question mainly for the boys but I guess it counts for girls too - if it should be in relationships I'm sorry - feel free to move it.

I met a guy through a friend and bumped into him later at a party, where we got on really really well - into the same things, easy conversation..... We exchanged numbers and later the next week I went to his for a quiet night in watching movies etc. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with him, which is not my usual way of doing things, it's usually at least a month before I'll give it up. He then went on holiday for 3 weeks, during which I didn't hear from him at all. He's been back a few days and hasn't attempted to contact me again, despite bumping into each other a couple of times around town (very uncomfortable quick conversations).

I've taken this to mean he's not interested in anything more, and am feeling pretty cheap and upset. Just wanted to know your opinions - if a girl sleeps with you that early on, could you imagine her as a girlfriend? Or is she just a convenient screw?

Former Member

Butterflykisses wrote:

Question mainly for the boys but I guess it counts for girls too - if it should be in relationships I'm sorry - feel free to move it.

I met a guy through a friend and bumped into him later at a party, where we got on really really well - into the same things, easy conversation..... We exchanged numbers and later the next week I went to his for a quiet night in watching movies etc. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with him, which is not my usual way of doing things, it's usually at least a month before I'll give it up. He then went on holiday for 3 weeks, during which I didn't hear from him at all. He's been back a few days and hasn't attempted to contact me again, despite bumping into each other a couple of times around town (very uncomfortable quick conversations).

I've taken this to mean he's not interested in anything more, and am feeling pretty cheap and upset. Just wanted to know your opinions - if a girl sleeps with you that early on, could you imagine her as a girlfriend? Or is she just a convenient screw?

All depends on the girl. If she wanted it, then it wouldn't be a problem. If she was insecure and uncomfortable with it, then it would most likely put me off.

Former Member

I don't think it matters how long you wait to sleep with somebody. Its all on what the two of you are looking for. Putting out quickly doesn't mean their not looking for a relationship. Sex is just sex, its not an all idicator of everything else.

Former Member

Slept on first date with my girl and we are now still together and having a kid together... he was probably a cunt, it happends unfortunatly... but I don't think sleeping on first date mean you can get a proper relationship wit the person with love, for life and everything...

Former Member

nihilisticmadman wrote:

Slept on first date with my girl and we are now still together and having a kid together... ...

should have taken precautions mate

Former Member

though i have had a couple of one-night stands (normally drunken ones) i personally dont like them. I prefer to get to know the girl first. With my ex we ended up sleeping together on teh first date (blind date) and that lasted for 4years. My current (and hopefully last one i'll need) girlfriend we slept with other on the 3rd date.

I think it all depends on the person/s involued. From what you put posted it sound to me (speaking for a guy point of view) that he might have just been after the sex and nothing else. I could be completely wrong and he might not know where he stands. Have you tried getting in contact with him or talking about it? How do you feel about him (would you want it to go any further)?

Sorry that might not have been very helpfull.

Former Member

olaola wrote:

should have taken precautions mate

:thumb:

Former Member

I think it really does depend on the other person. I slept with my other half on the first date (but i knew he was a gentleman already) and felt like i could completely trust him not to bugger off straight after. We're still together now so it just shows that it doesn't always have to be a case of holding off. If you know them beforehand or know someone who does it's always best to do a little homework and try and find out a bit about their previous behaviour. If you don't know them that much then there's a 50/50 chance and it's your choice what to do.

Don't beat yourself up though, know how you feel, pretty sure we've all made some mistakes like this to be fair. Just got to try and get past it and put it down to shit happens.

Former Member

I don't think any decent guy would be put off someone just because she slept with him on the first date. Of course a non-decent guy might be put off with a girl not sleeping with him on the first date. My friend went on a few dates with a guy, then slept with him, and never heard from him again, so there's no rules. But in your case, it does sound like that's all he was after. The whole idea of waiting for a while isn't to make yourself more attractive, or potential girlfriend material to the guy you like, more to make sure that he's not only after sex, when you want a relationship.

Former Member

I don't think there should be a set time when a couple should start sleeping together. If its what you both want then there shouldn't be a problem with it. However, if one of you is wanting something to develop from sleeping together, ie, a relationship then you have got to be completely sure that, that is what the other person wants too. There are alot of people out there who just want no strings attached sex. You have to be careful otherwise you will just end up getting hurt. It just sounds like this guy wanted sex to be honest.

Former Member

there shouldnt be a time set, just when ur both ready and it shouldnt matter if the girl wants to on the first night. But me and all my friends how found the truth to be the opposite with every guy we have ever slept with on the first night. yet talking to male friends and reading things on here, no guy ever admits to it being off putting. very confusing.

Former Member

This is the problem with hopping into bed without having worked out what you want, of course.

No there isn't a time limit, we slept together early on and are still together. You either have a connection or don't. He could well be embarrassed by it as much as you are, I know I got embarrassed afterwards.

Former Member

I have slept with girls early on and had long relationships with them and i have had sex early on and never had anything else to do with the girl. sometimes you click and sometimes you dont.

Former Member

I'd suggest you get in contact with him. There's no reason you shouldn't, especially if you are feeling down. It depends on both you and him - factors you can't even put in a thread.

Former Member

me and my boyfriend slept together the second night we met.... four days later we got together, been together two months now and everythings goin great, i agree with subject13, sometimes you click and other time you don't.

Former Member

I don't think sleeping with a guy on first date means there will not be any relationship after, you were just unlicky. For him it was just a one night stand.

Former Member

I slept with my fiancee the second night we met. We had been friends for over 5 years before hand though. It felt right so it just happened

Former Member

VinylVicky wrote:

But me and all my friends how found the truth to be the opposite with every guy we have ever slept with on the first night. yet talking to male friends and reading things on here, no guy ever admits to it being off putting. very confusing.

Well that's because these guys never wanted a girlfriend in the first place, just a shag. I highly doubt any guy would really like a girl, then go off her because she slept with him on the first date.

Former Member

Just going from my personal experience - met a girl, was seeing her for a week maybe then we did things, nothing major - in fact just kissing and a small grope - but afterwards i felt guilty about it and things were pretty awkward between us. But I did have the heart to say that I wasnt interested i pursuing the relationship any further because I didnt feel comfortable... strange thing is, I did get on well with her before, we always have, just aren't romantically compatible I suppose.

Former Member

I'm With Stupid wrote:

Well that's because these guys never wanted a girlfriend in the first place, just a shag. I highly doubt any guy would really like a girl, then go off her because she slept with him on the first date.

Yeah exactly, what I'm saying is there does seem to be so many guys about who don't want a relationship. Far more than guys who want a stedy relationship.

Former Member

Before i met my gf i think the longest i had waited before sleeping with a girl was about 2 dates, in this relationship though we waited for about 3 months because she wanted to be completely comfortable with everything. It was really worth it and im glad we waited that long in the end because it made everything that extra bit special and it just felt really natural and close. I definately respect her a lot more for wanting to wait.
If the guy is really worth it they will wait for however long you want them to. be that a week or a year, if they break up with you down to the lack of sex then they are not really worth it anyway!

Former Member

icey wrote:

If the guy is really worth it they will wait for however long you want them to. be that a week or a year, if they break up with you down to the lack of sex then they are not really worth it anyway!

:yes: totally agreeing with icey on this one

Former Member

icey wrote:

if they break up with you down to the lack of sex then they are not really worth it anyway!

What a load of drivel.

Having unbalaned sex lives is a key issue that causes relationship breakdowns, if you want it and you're not getting it it can and does cause problems.

It doesn't make the person shallow for getting frustrated at not getting laid.

Former Member

VinylVicky wrote:

Yeah exactly, what I'm saying is there does seem to be so many guys about who don't want a relationship. Far more than guys who want a stedy relationship.

Well I've gotta say of the girls I know, the ones that tend to have long-term relationships rather than getting fucked over, are the ones that tend to wait a while before they sleep with the guy. It's even worse if you're attractive, because most guys are going to want to sleep with you before they even get to know you anyway, so it's probably even more important to get to know someone a bit if you don't wanna be fucked over (and in my experience, some guys are willing to go out with girls a few times, pretending they want a relationship, if they think they'll get a shag out of it).

Former Member

Kermit wrote:

What a load of drivel.

Having unbalaned sex lives is a key issue that causes relationship breakdowns, if you want it and you're not getting it it can and does cause problems.

It doesn't make the person shallow for getting frustrated at not getting laid.

I'm frustrated and not getting laid, and if i dont get laid before my period, I'm gonna be a very pissy girl. Stupid boyfriend

Former Member

Kermit wrote:

What a load of drivel.

Having unbalaned sex lives is a key issue that causes relationship breakdowns, if you want it and you're not getting it it can and does cause problems.

It doesn't make the person shallow for getting frustrated at not getting laid.

Thats a fair point for those already sexually active in a relationship but imo a person who breaks up with somebody 2 weeks into a relationship because the other person is not ready to sleep with them yet has shallow written all over them!

Former Member

icey wrote:

Thats a fair point for those already sexually active in a relationship but imo a person who breaks up with somebody 2 weeks into a relationship because the other person is not ready to sleep with them yet has shallow written all over them!

Maybe but some people just want a sexual relationship, if they make that clear and don't go about it in a cuntish deceitful way then it's all good in the hood

Former Member

icey wrote:

Thats a fair point for those already sexually active in a relationship but imo a person who breaks up with somebody 2 weeks into a relationship because the other person is not ready to sleep with them yet has shallow written all over them!

For plenty of people it would just be a mismatch - nothing to do with shallowness.

Former Member

Spliffie wrote:

For plenty of people it would just be a mismatch - nothing to do with shallowness.

Yep.

Former Member

in terms of the original issue- next time you bump into him in town just lightly suggest meeting up again, not necessarily a date at one of your houses, but just drinks or something, you'll tell instantly from his reaction how he feels, if he starts making excuses, try not to get pissy, just say no worries and walk away, write him off as a mistake, but you never know, maybe he has just been being shy?

Former Member

youu should respect anyone, Girlfriend or not!