How to approach a sensitive issue?

Former Member

I have recently become a bit bored with my sex life. There are a few things that I can do about it and have done, but it seems to be a bit of a one way street in terms of new ideas and keeping things fresh (ie. she does nothing).

The trouble is I don't know how to approach the subject with my girlfriend. I have tried talking about things I would like her to do, but these rarely happen, i've tried talking to her just after sex and on a day/time when sex isn't going to happen and the end result is still the same.

In order for anything new or different to happen it will involve me taking the lead, which then means that all the attention is on her and I actually end up getting nothing new at all. I'm also fed up with always being the one who takes the lead and initiates things.

Now I obviously don't want to say "sex is boring" (if you remmeber this is what she said to me a few months ago and I was devistated) but how do I let her know i'm not happy with things? I think she needs to know i'm not happy in order to start taking some of my suggestions seriously. Otherwise I just think I'll reel off a list of things I would like to do/have done to me, she will agree, and then they'll never happen.

Any suggestions on how I should approach this?

Former Member

Sex isnt everything in a relationship BUT it does have huge importance. An unsatisfactory sex life could lead to a breakdown in other areas of your relationship so it needs attention. Urgently.

I would say that there is no easy way to get around this other than direct communication and telling her how you feel. If she reacts badly and, in the worst case, leaves you then it is likely you would have split up any way as the disappointing sex continued to grind away at your happiness.

If she was able to tell you in the past that she found sex disappointing, then quid pro quo - you have every right to tell her where you feel she is going wrong.

A good relationship - whether emotional or sexual - requires 100% honesty. Tell her how you feel. If the realtionship ends, it was never really was that solid in the first place.

Good luck! :thumb:

Former Member

But do you really think saying something along the lines of
"I'm not happy with our sex life at the moment" is a good idea? I know she was pretty blunt with me, but I've got the feeling that if I do the same it will cause problems.
I don't think she would leave me over that, but it might makes things uncomfortable for a while.

Former Member

Dude, beating around the bush is never going to sort it. Obviously you need to find a suitable time and place but if you cannot be open and honest now, you never will be .. and when it does all finally blow in a massive argument, then she will say stuff like "Well, why didnt you tell me???".

Former Member

Teagan wrote:

and when it does all finally blow in a massive argument, then she will say stuff like "Well, why didnt you tell me???".

So true.

yeah you're right. Guess I have to bite the bullet and just tell her how I feel.

Former Member

Try giving her the idea - ask her how the sexlife is for her since she has concerns and is there anything she'd like.

That way, if she says it's crap, atleast she's not fuming mad because you called her crap in bed (if you're with me). If she says its fine, she might ask why you said that. Just explain that there are things you want to try.

Former Member

Fenix Blade wrote:

Try giving her the idea - ask her how the sexlife is for her since she has concerns and is there anything she'd like.

That way, if she says it's crap, atleast she's not fuming mad because you called her crap in bed (if you're with me). If she says its fine, she might ask why you said that. Just explain that there are things you want to try.

A very good suggestion.

Just remember to not let the opportunity to slip by via any timidness or prevarication. The sooner this gets sorted, the better!

Former Member

Don't beat about the bush, really.

Be honest, say you're not happy about your sex life, and why you think it's wrong. Say what you like about it still, but be specific about what's wrong.

It's never one partner's fault, so talk about what you think is wrong, and ask her what she thinks is wrong too.

Former Member

its better to say there is something frustrating you about your sex life than youre not happy about it. It sounds better.