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Make sure you've got consent, lads...

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote:
    interesting tangent, cause i guess its much more easier for a guy to rape another guy, than it is for a women to rape the same guy

    Physically, yes definitely.

    The thing is, many of the cases of female "rapists" I've read about have been statutory rape (most common cases of this reported in the ww media are teacher/student, I think) or committed against someone well-known to them - which is a common factor in many rape cases.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i am pretty intrigued as to how a woman could rape a man actually. i can see that it may be something that could happen on rare occasions, but i'd be amazed if it was something that occurs frequently - the sheer mechanics of the situation seem to prevent it. but correct me if i'm wrong, and if you know that there are thousands of men out there who have been raped by women. i', aware i could be wrong, but it seems improbable to me.

    Sorry scarlett, I wasn't sure if you were addressing this to me or not.

    I agree with you completely, and it seems improbable but I'm aware it has happened - though not in typical "rape" situations (as I babbled about in my previous post). ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    erm i read somewhere once, and i even think it was mentioned on frost on the tv once

    with all the rapes and murders that occur with an involvement between victim and attacker allready in place, its statistically safer to walk home with a stranger
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i am pretty intrigued as to how a woman could rape a man actually. i can see that it may be something that could happen on rare occasions, but i'd be amazed if it was something that occurs frequently - the sheer mechanics of the situation seem to prevent it. but correct me if i'm wrong, and if you know that there are thousands of men out there who have been raped by women. i', aware i could be wrong, but it seems improbable to me.

    I know that it is possible to rape a man. My and a bf had an arguement and i was really pissed of. He wouldn't have sex with me and I well, forced him. Pinned him down. So yeah its possible and was very wrong of me :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah statistically safer to walk home with a stranger than with someone who wants to murder you....

    its true that most attackers know their victims..but doesnt mean you are in more danger because you know people...hah
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ive always wondered how a woman can rape a man.

    She'd have to get the bloody thing hard in the first place, so surely he must want it at least a little?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its a whole pantomine issue

    oh you want it
    oh no i dont
    OH YES YOU DO

    SHES BEHIND YOU!!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote:
    its a whole pantomine issue

    oh you want it
    oh no i dont
    OH YES YOU DO

    SHES BEHIND YOU!!!!

    With a strap on :O
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Blah wrote:
    Ive always wondered how a woman can rape a man.

    She'd have to get the bloody thing hard in the first place, so surely he must want it at least a little?

    That's apparently the main reason men don't report rape - whether the rapist is male or female. An erection can be the result of the slightest physical contact, as most of us know, or I suppose it could even occur before the rape (and then be seen as consent, in a weird kind of way). Especially if the two people concerned were being intimate.

    If a heterosexual man is raped by another man - and gets an erection or even ejaculates - then it can understandably fuck with their head and make them entirely too ashamed to report it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    oh you want it
    oh no i dont
    OH YES YOU DO

    SHES BEHIND YOU!!!!

    with a strapon
    so watch her get it on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think there's a difference between consent and informed consent though. Anoretics are often considered unable to give informed consent for treatment of their condition, and therefore can be checked into treatment by family members, because they're seen as being in an unfit state of mind to decide for themselves. I'd say being so hammered you can hardly see straight is probably an unfit state to decide if you want to sleep with someone.

    But it's personal responsibility.
    Women already do sleep with people and then cry rape the next day - this law doesn't change that, does it?

    It obviously makes it more likely. People giving consent and then retracting it the next day because they'd had too much booze? Not only is that utterly stupid, it's totally impractical.

    One of the ways that doctors check to see if it's 'true' rape or not is bruising etc around the vaginal area; drunken women sleeping with someone are unlikely to have those physical clues, just as a woman who's cheating and then crying rape the next day.

    Yeah. Except what's proposed would mean that sleeping some consensually can be turned into a crime the next morning. I wonder what would happen if both of them accused each other of the same thing. :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    Yeah. Except what's proposed would mean that sleeping some consensually can be turned into a crime the next morning. I wonder what would happen if both of them accused each other of the same thing. :confused:

    you'd both be screwed in more ways than one, on a side note i think this has been a good thread and stargalaxy should be commended, its raised some very serious and important issues for both sexes
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    GWST wrote:
    Which of course completely ignores the fact that many rapes leave no bruising because the woman is either unconscious or didn't struggle for a variety of reasons - most often because she is physically unable to due to fear. Any bruises obviously help a prosecution case but to imply that this checks whether it was a real rape or not is completely abhorrent.

    i mean im sure having consentual rough rough really rough sex could leave bruising?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I make sure beforehand anyway. An explicit yes or no. Admittedly, it would be only my word against hers, but it would be a small comfort while I am in my jail cell...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Of course it can.

    I think this is more of a P&D thread than a Sex one. Rape is nothing to do with sex.

    i thought stargalaxy had come up with a rather decent thread, turns out he put it in the wrong place, oh well
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    I know that it is possible to rape a man. My and a bf had an arguement and i was really pissed of. He wouldn't have sex with me and I well, forced him. Pinned him down. So yeah its possible and was very wrong of me :(
    Now, if it was a guy posting a similar thing, everyone would be "shouting" at him and calling him names, while other would be describing his violent death in details, and he'd probably get banned. And this was ignored why?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Zalbor wrote:
    Now, if it was a guy posting a similar thing, everyone would be "shouting" at him and calling him names, while other would be describing his violent death in details, and he'd probably get banned. And this was ignored why?

    It didn't seem worth the effort of getting worked up about it, to be honest.

    I also didn't like her initial comment, of:

    "It seems that women get away with everything because men are seen as the stronger sex, which is absoloutely ridiculous."

    to re-use her own phrase, it was absolutely ridiculous.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well i suppose the rationale is that since it's the bloke who's putting his penis inside something, his consent can be assumed... has anyone ever forced you to put your penis inside something that you really didn't want to?
    Yes wife forced me a few times, when we were together. So i'd agree most of the time his consent is give but its not a 100% thing.
    for godness sake, rape isn't a gender neutral crime -- it affects men and women differently -- so to try and make gender-neutral policy about it is ludicrous.
    Yes i know this thats why i was trying to say this law shouldn't be aimed at just men sleeping with women.
    Yeah, cos that's what women do, we just love falsely accusing men of rape :banghead:
    I wasn't say that they do, but there have been reported cases of this happening.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Zalbor wrote:
    Now, if it was a guy posting a similar thing, everyone would be "shouting" at him and calling him names, while other would be describing his violent death in details, and he'd probably get banned. And this was ignored why?
    Well said!!
    I think its being ignored basically because in some weird kind of way its accepted that if the missus wants a bit n her chap doesn't she can kind of force him into it. The lad will never make an issue of it and cry rape and this also explains (to me) why the figures given of 10% of rapes are against men are so far off the mark its untrue. I know these are proper figures but I believe more men get raped (or what could be described as rape) than anyone seems to believe.

    If I was at a party and I collapsed on a bed and woke to find someone riding me, I would probably be buzzing. A lass on the other hand would probably be disgusted. This is because women and men in my eyes are totally different species, women see sex in a totally different light to most men. But in both these cases its basically rape. Only one of them would be likely to get reported. If both got reported only one would be taken seriously imo.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is because women and men in my eyes are totally different species, women see sex in a totally different light to most men. But in both these cases its basically rape. Only one of them would be likely to get reported. If both got reported only one would be taken seriously imo.
    Well said, i knew a guy at uni (well a friend of a friend), he said he was raped by some girl at a party, but most people didn't believe him. but if it was the other way round everyone would be out for the guys blood.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well said!!
    I think its being ignored basically because in some weird kind of way its accepted that if the missus wants a bit n her chap doesn't she can kind of force him into it.

    Who is it accepted by, exactly? Men? I don't find it remotely acceptable. The reason I didn't address it was because I already broached the issue with that particular poster about the inherent general differences in rapes of women by men and rapes of men by women.
    The lad will never make an issue of it and cry rape and this also explains (to me) why the figures given of 10% of rapes are against men are so far off the mark its untrue.

    I don't know how far off the mark the figures are, but it seems that you're saying because men don't "cry rape" when they have actually been raped they are some kind of superior being. It is incredibly trying and difficult for a man or woman to report a rape, so don't bother saying that the reason the figures show more women are raped then men is because women make more of an issue of it.
    This is because women and men in my eyes are totally different species, women see sex in a totally different light to most men.

    Yes. But as GWST said, rape is rarely if ever anything to do with sex.
    Only one of them would be likely to get reported. If both got reported only one would be taken seriously imo.

    If you feel strongly about it then I suggest you get involved in raising awareness of male rape. The answer is not to denigrate and negate the female experience of rape.

    I will repeat again, most male rapes in situations such as those we are discussing are committed by other males.

    I can't believe this dicussion has turned into a men vs women in terms of rape, it is baffling.

    :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    briggi wrote:
    Who is it accepted by, exactly? Men? I don't find it remotely acceptable. The reason I didn't address it was because I already broached the issue with that particular poster about the inherent general differences in rapes of women by men and rapes of men by women.
    Did you notice i said in a WEIRD kind of way it is accepted. Well until the poster I quoted brought the matter up it was "accepted" by everyone that had read the post. I've never found people hold back on these boards when someone posts something that people dis-agree with, did this post slip through everyones net or was it kind of accepted in a WEIRD kind of way? And like Zalbor said, if this had of being a man making such a comment he would have being attacked over and over again by both the men and women on these boards.
    I don't know how far off the mark the figures are, but it seems that you're saying because men don't "cry rape" when they have actually been raped they are some kind of superior being. It is incredibly trying and difficult for a man or woman to report a rape, so don't bother saying that the reason the figures show more women are raped then men is because women make more of an issue of it.
    Superior being??? :lol: Where did you get that from?? You can't go through my post and make up stuff that I haven't said to make your post more interesting.
    Make more of an issue of it??? Stop making things up that I haven't said. I said (if I remember) is that in the situation I described about the drunken shananigans at a party, a lass would be more likely to report to police she has being raped. This is because I believe a lad wouldn't feel as violated in that certain situation and would be quite pleased in a way he'd got his end away.
    Yes. But as GWST said, rape is rarely if ever anything to do with sex.
    In my situation it was about sex after a drunken night where I'd collapsed on a bed and woke to find someone riding me. I wasn't talking about someone getting dragged off the streets into a dark alleyway and being raped. AND I don't believe much of this thread has being describing that because the whole discussion has basically being about drunken SEX and whether it has being consented to or not, which is what these new laws are all about, correct me if I'm wrong please.
    I will repeat again, most male rapes in situations such as those we are discussing are committed by other males.
    Mainly what has being discussed is drunken sex being classed as rape, well that what I've being reading anyway.
    I can't believe this dicussion has turned into a men vs women in terms of rape, it is baffling.
    It hasn't. I just believe the new legislation/law should also be aimed at women aswell as men.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't see the problem with these guidelines actually. If a woman is so bladdered that she has no idea what she is doing then you'd have to be a sick bastard to want to sleep with her anyway.
    That's what I was thinking...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well all this stuff has got my blood boiling, a few years ago I got frisky with a girl I had known for a while she was quite happy to stradle me and fool around (no sex) couple of weeks later I find she had told her mates I tried to rape her (never found out why although she was abit of a head case) this never went official no police nothing just a hell of a lot of bad talk going around if it wasnt for a few good friends and the fact she had pulled that crap with someone else that I didnt lose it, anything that makes claims easier without any proof makes me very uneasy cause its just down to one word against another

    One thing does come to mind though what if both the guy and the girl are drunk enough to not be thinking straight, what happens then is it the guys fault still even though he's in just as bad a way as the girl (and incase anyone brings this up men can be drunk enough not to think straight and still get it up, so the ownership of a errect penis doesnt prove motive just like it has been known for a girl to be raped and climax)

    Rape is one of the worst things I can think of and the idea of someone doing that to someone else makes me more angry then most of you can possible guess but claiming someone did it when you just dont want to admit to yourself you did a stupid thing is even worse.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i was accused once of getting someone pregnant, they must have raped me, while i was in another country for 3 months, but never mind that, people do crazy things, not just women
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is sad that we need laws to tell us to have conset before we have sex with someone, male or female, sober or drunk.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote:
    It is sad that we need laws to tell us to have conset before we have sex with someone, male or female, sober or drunk.

    the laws are not there to tell you to have consent with someone first

    they are there to punish those who dont seek consent
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    true. I just interpreted the law and its purpose as a threat to encourage a particular behaviour (consent) and discourage the behaviour that is punishable (no consent).
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