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Am I making a huge mistake?

BillieTheBotBillieTheBot Posts: 8,721 Bot
edited March 27 in Work & Study
I'm really sorry to have to keep going on about this. Yet again, it's about my university application. I've been talking over the last few weeks to people around me, friends and family. I had doubts about my application at the time I handed it in. These doubts have got stronger, not weaker as time has gone on. I've been told explicitly by a few people who know me that they do not believe I would be able to cope at university. For example, one (she shall remain nameless) said;

"I'm sorry to say this, Danny, but I don't think university is the right option. Frankly, you'll never cope. You're a complete mess in the head as it is, and uni would just trigger the detonator for you. You shouldn't be doing this, you're not fit for it. You weren't fit for it at 18, what makes you think you're up to it now?"

Obviously, such comments are pretty disillusioning. It relates to the fact I didn't go to uni after leaving college, because I would probably have committed suicide under such a strain. But I suspect she's got a point. To be perfectly frank, a side of me thinks that I'm about to make the biggest mistake of my life. And I haven't got a clue what to do next. :crying:

If anyone's got anything they can say to help or advise, I'll listen, I'll appreciate it.
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
Post edited by JustV on
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know your situation and really its only you who knows what the best thing for you is. I personally would go for it, it might not be the best thing for you but on the other hand it may do you the world of good. But that's just me. You have to remember that going away to uni isn't supposed to be stressful, and for the most part it isn't! When you get there everything comes naturally and fits into place so its not much different than being home...apart from that you have the freedom to control your own life, and make it better or worse as you please. I took a year out for many reasons, some related to the fact I've suffered depression on and off for years and am still battling in my 2nd year of uni. Moving away to uni can be difficult and I'll admit I had problems in my 1st year, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Think of it as a massive learning curve, its there to enjoy.

    PM if you need to talk ;)

    xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, how do you yourself feel? do you feel that you're ready and that you'll be able to cope? yes, it will be a big change, with more responsibilities etc but it's also an extremely positive thing, you'll be meeting new people, make new friends, learning to be independent.. a lot of people do find it hard, i'd probably say that every single person who's been to uni found it hard at some stage and felt like the couldn't cope but they pulled through. only you can know if you're truly ready, everyone gets nervous and scared about it but it doesn't mean you won't be able to manage, it just means you have to learn to adapt.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kat_B wrote:
    well, how do you yourself feel? do you feel that you're ready and that you'll be able to cope?
    I have absolutely no idea anymore. I'm just confused about the whole thing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The question is - what are your doubts about? The change of lifestyle? Moving to a new place? Emotional health worries? Concern about the workload?

    Personally I think you should go through with it, I'm sure you're capable of it if you stop letting your doubts become obstacles. If you're scared of things not working out then it's always good to remember that there's no shame in attempting something and it not working out. The shame's in not making the attempt at all.

    That said, only you know whether this is right for you at this point in time, don't let anyone's opinion sway you unless it's the same as your own. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    briggi wrote:
    The question is - what are your doubts about? The change of lifestyle? Moving to a new place? Emotional health worries? Concern about the workload?
    Emotional wellbeing and money are my two main concerns. Everything else pales into insignificance, those are the two things that really get me panicking. Oh, and food, my cooking's awful, but I'm practising that.
    Violette wrote:
    only YOU can know whether your ready danny, your mate, whether it be your best mate and someone who really knows you, but only you know what you're capable of. if you honestly think you can cope with uni, and really embrace it, get involved, then GO FOR IT.

    i think your mate, if they thought their honest reply would help you, needs to really just think about what is best for you tbh. mates need to be encouraging, and helpful, and instead of saying 'oh well i think you'll fail', you should really just talk about it loads with them. have faith in yourself danny :heart:
    It's fairly safe to say the "mate" in question doesn't have any confidence in me at all. It's the fact she goes to university herself, and is saying these things, that makes me worried. If someone already in the system is openly saying I can't cope, that's bad news.

    Also, in all honesty, I would perceive having to leave university as a personal failure. At first, I was going to university for loads of reasons... getting a degree, getting independence, moving away from home... I'm not even sure they're good reasons anymore.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i really wouldnt worry about money too much, most students find it hard to manage their money and never have enough but its just one of those things you learn to cope with.
    as for emotional well-being, i think the only way you'll know if you're able to cope, is if you actually go and try. if you find it hard when you're there, you'll have a personal tutor, they'll be a counselling service, you'll have mates to talk to - there WILL be support for you.
    and if you do go and find it isn't the right time for you, it isn't the end of the world. you may feel like it's a personal failure but it isn't because you'll have tried and will have learnt something from the experience.
    if you don't give it a try, you'll never know.

    ETA - the reasons you just put for going to uni are perfectly good, they are the reasons most people have. it's a whole new start.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been watching this develop for a while now re: your uni career. First of all, I would wonder about your career prospects after uni. Are you going for a 'life experience' or career development? That one would be this first question in my mind. The second one is: if it's a life experience, do I really need to do it? Uni is difficult, but it's a stepping stone. For the first wee while (if you do decide to do it) it will be tough, but after that you will adjust to the workload etc. Money is always a consideration, and you will graduate with debt, no doubt about it. Students manage to just scrimp by, at least most of them do. You just need to be careful about where you stay, eat, etc etc, and if you have a part time job that can make life easier. As for the emotional wellbeing thing, uni is full of people exactly like you, who are worried that they won't know anyone, that nobody will like them, that they'll be boring or whatever. And deep inside I think most people are like that. Confidence is often just a show. Once you get there and you meet some folk on your course, things will be fine. The fact that you can go to a TheSite meet and chat to people you've never met before face-to-face shows a whole lot of confidence, and that's what it'll be like at uni. If you don't decide to go, then that's fair enough. There's alot of other ways to spend 15+K in 4 years and get the same amount of life experience, but in a different way perhaps. Uni is great. I love it that much that I decided to do a PhD, but I hate it as well. Workload is hellish, money is always tight, and life can be tough sometimes. But at the end of the day, there's always a deadline that you'll get to and then a bit of time where you can relax. I hope you do go for it, if only to disprove the naysayers who say you can't do it. Uni is different for every individual, so don't pay much attention to those on 'the inside' as it were. But if you do it, you'll find it a richly rewarding experience, and come out of it on the other side knowing an awful lot more about yourself. Good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First of all, I would wonder about your career prospects after uni. Are you going for a 'life experience' or career development? That one would be this first question in my mind. The second one is: if it's a life experience, do I really need to do it? Uni is difficult, but it's a stepping stone.
    Both, to be honest. I'm not thinking massively about career prospects afterwards currently, but that's not to say it isn't a factor - it certainly is.
    The fact that you can go to a TheSite meet and chat to people you've never met before face-to-face shows a whole lot of confidence, and that's what it'll be like at uni.
    I'm afraid I don't really get this, to be honest. All I'm doing is going into a pub in Central London to talk to some people, some I know, some I don't. There's also the added bonus of alcohol. Presumably, that's why I'm told to bring alcohol when moving in? Which conveniently leads to yet another issue - I'm on meds and the last time I drank, I was violently sick. Great, so alcohol can't help me...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think the point was that you've had experience of meeting 'strangers' and that you must have had some confidence to do it. going to uni is like an extension of that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm afraid I don't really get this, to be honest. All I'm doing is going into a pub in Central London to talk to some people, some I know, some I don't. There's also the added bonus of alcohol. Presumably, that's why I'm told to bring alcohol when moving in? Which conveniently leads to yet another issue - I'm on meds and the last time I drank, I was violently sick. Great, so alcohol can't help me...
    What do you mean you don't get this? Kat_B understood what I was getting at. If you are able to do the meet thing, then meeting and talking to people at uni will require a similar approach. And I never mentioned anything about alcohol. Yeah, in certain situations it can help, but if you're on meds then you need to put your health first. Obviously if you will be violently sick after getting drunk, you don't drink. You don't (or shouldn't) need to have a drink to be able to talk to people. I'm confused about the alcohol when moving in comment? You were told by whom?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What do you mean you don't get this? Kat_B understood what I was getting at. If you are able to do the meet thing, then meeting and talking to people at uni will require a similar approach.
    I see what you're getting at now. Maybe that isn't too bad a prospect.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, I'm glad you got it. Good luck in whatever you choose to do. I realise it can be difficult decision, but I hope it all works out for you. KoG.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, I'm glad you got it. Good luck in whatever you choose to do. I realise it can be difficult decision, but I hope it all works out for you. KoG.
    There's a fighting spirit inside me somewhere. I've just got to wake it up again somehow...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Go to uni ... if you really dislike it then you can quit. Simple as.

    If you never take any chances in life you'll never know what you can accomplish.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jon_UK wrote:
    Go to uni ... if you really dislike it then you can quit. Simple as.

    If you never take any chances in life you'll never know what you can accomplish.
    exactamundo. :yes:

    leaving home to go to uni is a scary and worrying experience for most people and it is tough at first. but then you make loads of new friends and have independence and no parents to answer to. its great stuff :D i was shitting it when i had to go live in france for a year but i look back on it now as one of the best experiences i've had.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jon_UK wrote:
    Go to uni ... if you really dislike it then you can quit. Simple as.

    If you never take any chances in life you'll never know what you can accomplish.


    what has been said already - u can do this if you want it enough. one person is telling you that you wouldnt cope and u choose to listen to the bitch, rather than the many people who have faith in u.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what has been said already - u can do this if you want it enough. one person is telling you that you wouldnt cope and u choose to listen to the bitch, rather than the many people who have faith in u.
    Truth be told, the person who's saying most of this stuff is... myself. I had no confidence at all in my application, I thought it was destined to fail. So when all four made unconditional offers, it caught me off-guard.

    All these forms I keep receiving are bamboozling me as well, I keep being told about catered/self-catering concerning housing, as well as a whole heap of terms like dissertation. What the hell does that mean? Admittedly, you're pretty helpful in trying to understand this gobbledygook...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    uni's fun, you'll love it once you're there :)

    do you good to meet some nice new people.

    just make sure to ignore the mean ones.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote:
    Truth be told, the person who's saying most of this stuff is... myself. I had no confidence at all in my application, I thought it was destined to fail. So when all four made unconditional offers, it caught me off-guard.

    All these forms I keep receiving are bamboozling me as well, I keep being told about catered/self-catering concerning housing, as well as a whole heap of terms like dissertation. What the hell does that mean? Admittedly, you're pretty helpful in trying to understand this gobbledygook...

    What? Mate, if you got four unconditional offers, then you must have some brains about you, yet you seem to be making this an awful lot more complicated than it needs to be. The forms are step by step things to do. The hardest part was the UCAS form or general application form, but that's behind you now. Like John_UK said (hi mate btw) you just need to go for it. Everything will sort itself out, and if I can do it, then it's not really all that complicated. I never even got four unconditionals ('2 unconditionals and one conditional), and I managed it.

    Catered/self-catered, that's easy. You going to be cooking for yourself or going somewhere where food will be cooked for you (e.g. halls of residence)?The dissertation you don't need to worry about. By the time you have to do one, you'll know what it is.

    My advice to you would be sit down for an hour and think really hard about it, and once you've decided, have the courage of your convictions and go through with it. To be honest, it shouldn't be as difficult a decision for you to make as it seems to be.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it might have been stressful at times, and very difficult, but you survived london on more than one occasion when you thought you wouldnt

    i think the same could be said of university, give it a go and enjoy yourself

    anyways will give you a good chance to make friends with people that are very likely in the same situation as you are currently, or people who have been there and done that kinda thing

    plus youd be able to ditch us internet saddos :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    of course you can do it. but like someone else said, it's best to go give it a go. even if you leave after a few months...at least you can say you've given it a try. would you rather do that than look back in a few years time and wish you'd given it a go?

    you need to stop worrying, though. most students are strapped for cash throughout their time at university - but it's part of uni life and there is help out there should you not be left with enough to eat. you can also get a job which would obviously help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote:
    It relates to the fact I didn't go to uni after leaving college, because I would probably have committed suicide under such a strain. But I suspect she's got a point. To be perfectly frank, a side of me thinks that I'm about to make the biggest mistake of my life. And I haven't got a clue what to do next.

    Hi

    I dont know your personal situation, but I didnt go to uni straight from school because I didnt feel like I could have coped with it (I had a few problems at the time). I have applied this year (5 years later) and Im glad I did. I feel really nervous and wonder how I will cope but I am looking forward to it.

    Maybe you're just a bit nervous about going?

    Nat
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This morning, my mum and me had a talk. My parents have changed their minds. They were against me going, but they've now come round the other way. They think themselves proud that I'm the first one in the family ever to go to university, and they don't want me to suddenly cancel my application because I'm horrendously insecure about the whole thing.

    Now, replies to comments left yesterday after I went offline...
    My advice to you would be sit down for an hour and think really hard about it, and once you've decided, have the courage of your convictions and go through with it. To be honest, it shouldn't be as difficult a decision for you to make as it seems to be.
    See above about some of this. I can't help but think if I was to cancel it, I'd be letting everybody down, including me.
    MrG wrote:
    it might have been stressful at times, and very difficult, but you survived london on more than one occasion when you thought you wouldnt. i think the same could be said of university, give it a go and enjoy yourself. plus youd be able to ditch us internet saddos :thumb:
    I have no idea how I've survived at London meets, I really don't. As for this site, me going to university is not going to stop me coming here. I'm going to be on the site for a long, long time. :p
    nataliethm wrote:
    I dont know your personal situation, but I didnt go to uni straight from school because I didnt feel like I could have coped with it (I had a few problems at the time). I have applied this year (5 years later) and Im glad I did. I feel really nervous and wonder how I will cope but I am looking forward to it. Maybe you're just a bit nervous about going?
    That's more or less the same situation as me, bar the time difference. (mine's 3 years) Am I nervous about going? Damn right I am.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you go and its a horrible mess at least you'll have had a go and thats much better than just not trying.

    Which isnt to say I think it will be a horrible mess, I dont think it will be if you can just stop stressing.
  • JsTJsT Posts: 18,268 Skive's The Limit
    As people have said its only you who can tell if your ready or not. Personally I'd have thought you'd be ready for it, and you'd enjoy it. If you dont like it you can always try again or do something else with your life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bongbudda wrote:
    Which isnt to say I think it will be a horrible mess, I dont think it will be if you can just stop stressing.
    ***starts breathing exercises***
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote:
    ***starts breathing exercises***

    calm down dude, I'm sure you know full well that you're blowing everything way out of proportion!

    nothing is anywhere near as bad or difficult as you make it out to be :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ffs, why dont you just get a mind of your own, make your own decisions and do things because you do or do not want to, and while your at it get a backbone and common sense too
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Depends really...uni life is pretty hedonistic. Lots of partying going on. Lots of noise and activity. Can you handle that?

    Also, if you're going to halls it might be difficult for you if you don't blend in with the fellow residents. Especially if you've no other mates you can fall back on elsewhere on campus.

    Only you know anyway.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    turlough wrote:
    Depends really...uni life is pretty hedonistic. Lots of partying going on. Lots of noise and activity. Can you handle that?

    Also, if you're going to halls it might be difficult for you if you don't blend in with the fellow residents. Especially if you've no other mates you can fall back on elsewhere on campus.
    I'm aware there'll be a total change of atmosphere. I deliberately made my top two choices Bristol and Manchester, because they're pretty highly rated socially. (plus I didn't fancy going all the way to London) I'm naturally a very shy, introverted man, so what I'm doing effectively is forcing myself to get out there. It's a huge risk, but my thinking was - if the university environment is the same as that back home, why bother going at all?
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