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Oral sex

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Right I'm not sure if this should be here or under relationships. But as its about sex I thought I would start here, feeel free to tell me to move it.

Bascially I've been having sex for while now with my boyfriend about 6-8 months and in that time he has only every given me oral twice. Although this really has not caused a problem in our relationship or love life, as he know lots of other ways to get me excited. However I worried that it could cause problems in the future, as although its not the end of the world that he does not give me oral, I really did enjoy it the last time.

I know I really should talk to him about it, but I not really sure how to bring the subject up, as the only time we really are alone is when we are in bed and I've have read in a number of places that this is not the best time to talk about problems in the bedroom.

We have always been really honest and open with each other and I said that neither of us has to do anything that they are uncomfortable about doing. After the first time I told him how much I enjoyed it, but I also said if he did not feel comfortable with giving oral then thats alright I would not force him. To which I did not at a reply.

So now I'm wondering why he does not give me oral. I know he loves me, so the only two things I can thing of is that he really did not enjoy it or he is worried that he do that good at it.

If its the later I suppose all i can really do is rensure him that I really did/do enjoy what he does and if it because he does not like giving oral then at least I will know but I don't know whyhe did not just tell me when i told him that he does not ever have to do anything that he is not comfortable about.

I suppose all i can really do is talk to him, but it going to be tricky to find a time when we are alone somewhere where we can talk, plus I'm worried about making feel like he is not good lover.

Sorry for such a long one guys and girls. Thanks in advance for any help.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ask him?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know I need to ask him, but its tricky to find a time when we are alone together apart from when we go to bed. Which means we are either too tried to really have a conersation or it means that I am about to ask him a very personally question just after we have had sex, which is not really the best time to have a conversation like that, as he does feel insecure at time due to things that happen in the past.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you angle the question right, i.e, positively, he won't feel like he's a bad lover. Say something like "I loved it last time you went down on me; how come you haven't in a while? Do you not like it?" It'll reassure him that what he's doing when he does go down on you is right, but also raise your question. Otherwise, if you're really worried about asking, wait until he does it again, however long that may take, and then make a big show of really enjoying it - and make a point of telling him afterwards how good it was.

    You must be alone other times than in bed, surely?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Little_one wrote:
    I know I need to ask him, but its tricky to find a time when we are alone together apart from when we go to bed. Which means we are either too tried to really have a conersation or it means that I am about to ask him a very personally question just after we have had sex, which is not really the best time to have a conversation like that, as he does feel insecure at time due to things that happen in the past.
    Ask him if there is anything he would really like you to do before you start having sex (I know you say that you are tired when you go to bed but if you have energy to fuck I'm sure you can find energy to talk). Talk to him about all the things you love him doing to you including oral sex rather than commenting that he isn't giving it to you at the moment.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tell 'im "it won't lick itself, you know love!"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its trick to find time alone as we only see each other at the weekend and we still live with our parents, so there is normally other people in the house, either parents or siblings. In the summer it was a lot easier as we could go for long walks by the cannal and get away from everyone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But you are alone when you actually have sex right? How about sometime after you've gone into the bedroom (assuming that's where you do it) and before you start going at it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes we are alone in his room when we have sex, I only really started think about it tonight, so I won't be able to talk to him until the weekend again. I suppose that I worried about mentioning it then as it could make it a very akward night for the both of us.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Little_one wrote:
    Yes we are alone in his room when we have sex, I only really started think about it tonight, so I won't be able to talk to him until the weekend again. I suppose that I worried about mentioning it then as it could make it a very akward night for the both of us.
    Well just avoid making it confrontational. Don't forget to ask if there is anything that he would like you to do for him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you give him oral sex? If not perhaps that is the problem, maybe if you were to make the first move then you would recieve what you were looking for.

    Either that or when your in the middle of foreplay whisper in his ear something like "can you go down on me because i love it when you do". Perhaps he doesnt have the confidence and that would reasure him that he does a good job.

    If all else fails why not simply chat for a bit next time your alone in the bedroom, talking about your sex life will help it greatly as both partners will know where they stand.

    Hope that helps :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Irubru, nice to have a male point of view. In answer to your question, yes I do give him oral on a regular basis and it has never led on to him returning the favour.

    Hence why I asked how/when would be best way to talk about it/let him know that he does do a good job.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    suggest a 69?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I frightened/worried of up setting him, as he sometimes feel insecure about what he is doing, even though I telling that I'm really enjoying it etc... Also this is the first real relationship we have both been in so I think we both worry about silly things too much at times, so yes I do have a problem too.

    I'm not sure telling him it his duty to give me oral sex will help, as I don't want to feel that he has too, just because I enjoy giving him blow jobs, as we both agreed that we would never force each other to do something we don't want too.

    Its just that when I mentioned that after the first time he gave me oral he did not say anything apart from you don't have to either if you don't want to. But I really love giving him head and he really seems to enjoy it too. So I suppose I just want to know one way or the other if he does/does not enjoy going down on me, as its not the end of the world.

    It just make me laugh that if he always makes me talk about anything that is worrying me, even when I say its nothing importan, yet he never really opens up to me fully, even when it is really clear that something is on his mind.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Little_one wrote:
    It just make me laugh that if he always makes me talk about anything that is worrying me, even when I say its nothing importan, yet he never really opens up to me fully, even when it is really clear that something is on his mind.

    This situation and this paragraph inparticular sounds exactly like my girlfriend.

    With the oral situation I talked to her, not much happened so I stopped doing it for her. Things are much better now, although there are still issues with how often and for how long she does it.

    I would suggest not doing it for him, whether you like doing it or not, and talk to him about how you feel. He can't really have a go at you for sharing your feelings with him. As long as you're not demanding it then what's the problem?

    Good luck! :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Seeing as you are doing it on a regular basis you are entitled to recieve it back also. Dont however make it into a big deal and make him think he has to do it, you seem pretty level headed about it all so im sure this would be the last thing you would do.

    The problem may simply be that he is a little unsure as to what to do or how well he is doing, at first giving oral sex to a woman seems a daunting thought as to where to start and generally what to do. I think you would be best to simply go for a suttle approach during foreplay and keep reminding him that he is doing a good job, perhaps even guide him slightley.

    Hopefully that should help, the main thing is that you make it seem like no big deal and always reasure him of what he is doing. Its best to get something like this out of the way before it becomes a big deal as the longer it goes without you getting any the more frustrated at the situation im sure you will become.

    Personally i do oral sex about 95% of the time as ive gotten more confident with it, in the past i was a little more unsure about it which as ive said may be what is putting your boyfriend off.

    The only way to find out is to ask :thumb:
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