I can't help but feel like I'm nothing more than a roommate

Former Member

its what I feel like now. A roommate. A roommate with sex. I've tried to talk, say how I feel and he gets defensive. He doesn't deny it and he doesn't really say anything against it, just gets mad that I think that. I dont know what else to do. I love him. He won't tell me that anymore even.

Former Member

threaten to leave him and walk out..if he doesnt come chasing after you then hes not worth it hun!

Former Member

my_name wrote:

its what I feel like now. A roommate. A roommate with sex. I've tried to talk, say how I feel and he gets defensive. He doesn't deny it and he doesn't really say anything against it, just gets mad that I think that. I dont know what else to do. I love him. He won't tell me that anymore even.

Hey Manda. Don't really know the situation but I seem to remember you posting recently about not being engaged anymore? That you wanted to get your head together first?

He's probably a bit confused and worried about getting hurt. As I said I don't know either of you or the situation but from the little I know I'd say you just need to give him some time so he knows for sure that the step down from fiance to dating isn't a sign of you going off him.

I'm aware you've probably said this to him a number of times but sometimes lads just take a little while on the up take because we're stoopid

Former Member

icey wrote:

threaten to leave him and walk out..if he doesnt come chasing after you then hes not worth it hun!

Umm...personally I would disagree with this. If a girl pulled that kind of teen dramatics on me then I'd let her walk!

Former Member

Jon_UK wrote:

Umm...personally I would disagree with this. If a girl pulled that kind of teen dramatics on me then I'd let her walk!

Yeah, I agree. I think that kind of "threat" usually backfires, and how.

You need to talk to him, hon. As Jon said, he's probably on the defensive at the moment and has set up a little battlement around his heart. You feel insecure, he feels insecure, for reasons that are the same and yet different. Try and communicate this without pointing the finger, he might be finding it hard to articulate how he feels and to understand what exactly your relationship is at the moment. Maybe you need to redefine your feelings for him, or redefine them together. Either way, I'm sure you won't feel better until you talk to him. I hope you get sorted.

Former Member

hey manda

I am sorry your feeling so bad. I don't know what to say, I mean I am not engaged and never have been so I cant speak from experience, only feelings. I suggest you talk to him, tell him how you feel. If he doesn't even talk to you then, maybe you should end it.

I hope your feeling better soon. I am on msn if you want to talk *hugs*

Former Member

I don't have any advice for you but *hugs* yeah. Hope things work out for the best.

Former Member

I think I remember you saying you've recently changed drugs you are taking. Could that be a factor? (Now, I hate it if people say "its the drugs making you feel that", because they can't know. I'm just saying might it be)

Former Member

hi hun, sorry to hear that. i wont say i know how you feel, but i had similar feelings toward the end of my marriage (but without the sex part). I kept trying to explain how i felt and what it was doing, but she kept throwing it back at me saying it was all me, or it was all in my head.

I'd say keep trying to talk, hopefully he'll listern. If not we're all here for you. *HUGS*

Former Member

Thanks. I hope things get better soon. I'm just finding it hard to talk to him about it as when I've tried he either gets defensive or changes the subject. I'm afraid to tell him I love him anymore even... blah... just give it time, eh.

ANwyas, thanks again It means alot

Former Member

Hey Manda, I'm sorry to hear this... I just wanted to say that I agree with what was said about your boyfriend maybe getting defensive. My guess is that maybe he's insecure cause of the suspension of the engagement... If he's not listening when you try to talk my advice is to try to get your message across with actions rather than words for the moment, until he comes round.. For example, if you want to communicate that you love him and that he shouldn't be insecure about your feelings, then show him that by being more affectionate, or by doing little romantic things... whatever works for you. My point is all couples have a non-verbal language, so maybe try using this channel to say what you want, or to try to give things a little push in the direction you want things to go...

Whatever you decide to do, good luck! Hope he comes round...