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fear and heart ache
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i mentioned in someone elses thread about diabetes that my big brother had been told that his diabetes had started to damage his kidneys. im scared for him, im scared of what might happen. as a diabetic myself i have suffered with eye damage and it tore me to bits and i was so scared it wasnt true. i know how he must be feeling only it was my eyes. i was terrified that i would go blind and here i am three years on still doing ok but kidneys are a whole different game. he has been put on tablets and that halts further damage for as long as they can but im fearful of beyond that point. i couldnt bear anything to happen to him.
the past few months, well since last august have been horrible and sometimes i feel like my heart cant take any more. my fiance brother killed himself in august which was just something i never imagined i would experience and it messes with your head in a big way and then in october i saw my uncle die from cancer. it was horrific. it really hit me hard. i was heart broken it was undescribable and still haunts me.
after that my fiance was made redundant and having only moved into our first home together it was a worry but nowhere near the tragic things we had just experienced. we said well at least the bad things seem to be getting better but it was still a kick in the guts and added upset to the upset that was already there.
thankfully my fiance got another job. things seemed to be getting easier until a few weeks back when i started really thinking about my uncle again. dont get me wrong i thought about him a lot but it was getting not so much and then the thoughts came on really strong thinking about what we all experienced that weekend he started passing away.all the strong feelings came back. and now this with my brother. i cant bear it.
my bro is ok just now, he didnt know anything was wrong until he got routine tests. i just am scared for what the future willbring. im scared after what i have saw and what i felt with my uncles death. i know the fear he must feel or do i? i was terrified thinking i would go blind and often thought i would rather not be here than be blind. blindness cant kill you though. i couldnt bear for my brother to be gravely ill.
i dont know what im wanting here, maybe just to write it down. i guess tooit makes me question what could happen to me to. i was scared after i was diagnosed with the eye damage that my kidneys were next and then that went and i stupidly thought i cant be that unlucky but as an adult i know thats not how it works.
rght now though im more scared for my brother. i have had enough heart ache these past few months. how much can one person take? i get wearied by it all.
just needed that out i guess the net is a wonderful therapy!
the past few months, well since last august have been horrible and sometimes i feel like my heart cant take any more. my fiance brother killed himself in august which was just something i never imagined i would experience and it messes with your head in a big way and then in october i saw my uncle die from cancer. it was horrific. it really hit me hard. i was heart broken it was undescribable and still haunts me.
after that my fiance was made redundant and having only moved into our first home together it was a worry but nowhere near the tragic things we had just experienced. we said well at least the bad things seem to be getting better but it was still a kick in the guts and added upset to the upset that was already there.
thankfully my fiance got another job. things seemed to be getting easier until a few weeks back when i started really thinking about my uncle again. dont get me wrong i thought about him a lot but it was getting not so much and then the thoughts came on really strong thinking about what we all experienced that weekend he started passing away.all the strong feelings came back. and now this with my brother. i cant bear it.
my bro is ok just now, he didnt know anything was wrong until he got routine tests. i just am scared for what the future willbring. im scared after what i have saw and what i felt with my uncles death. i know the fear he must feel or do i? i was terrified thinking i would go blind and often thought i would rather not be here than be blind. blindness cant kill you though. i couldnt bear for my brother to be gravely ill.
i dont know what im wanting here, maybe just to write it down. i guess tooit makes me question what could happen to me to. i was scared after i was diagnosed with the eye damage that my kidneys were next and then that went and i stupidly thought i cant be that unlucky but as an adult i know thats not how it works.
rght now though im more scared for my brother. i have had enough heart ache these past few months. how much can one person take? i get wearied by it all.
just needed that out i guess the net is a wonderful therapy!
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