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I need help,desperatly
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am a mom and one on the way,I know my husband is lieing to me about talking with another girl he had cheated on me with ,he wanted to be back with me ,and swears he has nothing to do with her,but I am guilty of snooping which I feel horrible about ,but I know its all true though he completely denies it all and tells me to stop accusing him and its my issue to get over if I cant trust him,and I cant I also know he talks to girls online and even told one he wanted a new step mom for his kids,I recently lost my 8 year job due to it closing I am at home ,with no job pregnant and nowhere to turn ,I realize this is probably a long winded story ,but im trying to cut it down ,I have nowhere to go and I cant confront him,he always denies everything and blames me,I cant take it anymore and I dont know what to do ,I know he wont leave ,as I ve gotten mad before and told him to do so and he tells me I shuold leave if I am unhappy,But i have no where to go! Any one have any ideas? please help I am a desperate mom!
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I'd suggest being honest with him, tell him you've snooped and tell him what you've found, try not to get upset - just be blunt with him and see what he says.
But i'd wait for others to respond tbh because i dont think i can give the best advice for a situation like this.
First congrats on the new arrival!!! I have just come out of a 6 year realtionship due to him cheating on me, and man it is the hardest thing to comprehend. Once trust is broken it is really difficult for you to ever trust again. i can understand that you are in a sticky situation finiancially, but if you dont trust him (and he is giving you reasons not to) then you need to get out. the fact that he is manipulating you aswell is really worrying, i know that when there are kids involded, getting out is easier said than done, but staying in a realtionship just for the kids is the worst thing that you can do to them. You should be entitiled to financial support from him, and you will be amazed at how many people will be willing to help you get on your feet.
I know that you love him and want to trust him, but he is lying to you. i agree with icey, you must confront him, tell him what you know, if he really loves you and the kids he will come clean and try to start over.
you need to start working on becoming independent, even if you are going to stay together, that was the biggest mistake that i made was being dependent on my ex, when we split, i had nothing, but slowly i am getting back on my feet.
that said...... follow your heart, do what you feel (in the pit of your stomach) is right!!
good luck and let me know what happens!!
If you're 'snooping' then you obviously don't trust him enough...
Hi,,,,I know it's going to be hard but you must confront him with what you do know.He cant lie and deny if you confront him with what you know! He was the one who cheated on you and is continually lying about chatting to other girls online.He broke your trust, he should be working hard to get you to trust him again.He is absolving himself of responsibility saying it's your issue that you dont trust him!!! You get strong girl, take no crap from him and confront him !! Yes , you were snooping but with good reason! Remind him that he was the one who betrayed you and that he STILL IS by lying to you!.Don't let him manipulate you into thinking you are the one at fault.He needs to earn your trust back,not give you more reason to not trust him.Take a deep breath babe and nail him with the evidence.He wont be able to deny it once you confront him, dont listen to lame excuses either.Keep in control though, dont stress you or the bambino to be.Good Luck with it.Keep us posted Babe
x
I dont envy you one bit. Hes cheated on you, is still talking to other girls and contemplating cheating on you more - ie wants new stepmum for his kids - i mean wtf?
You must feel so vulnerable right now, but in my opinion, its better to be a single mum than to bring your children up in an abusive relationship like that. He sounds like an emotional bully and hes a cheater, and that IS abuse.
Hes playing with your mind, and you need to find some strength and a way to get out of your situation.
Ive just come out of a 9 year marriage last year and I have a 5 year old son, so i know its not easy. mine wasnt my choice - some of the things you say about your partner do sound incredibly familiar though - the kind of person who makes you feel like youre going mad, and its all your fault, when really its HIM.
I dont know whether youre in britain or not, but it is worth going to your local council I think and talk to a housing advisor about emergency housing, or even womens refuge (that may sound extreme, but emotional abuse counts)
Good luck, and keep posting. Youll get good support here
I have to say like the others that it will be best if you confront him about it, if not for yourself for your kids. Rainbow's right about the housing issue if you feel that you cant move because you've got nowhere to go (if family cant help) the council should be able to help.
Hope it works out for you. and keep on posting. Lots of people here to help and support
Go to the womens refuge if you have to. This wont get easier, you need to think of your baby, you have placenta pravia. You surely know how dangerous that is, you need to avoid stress.
It does sound like you need some help to get out, and I don't doubt for a minute that it's more than a little hard to get out of a relationship like this with two children while being pregnant. But I am certain that if you truly want to, you can do it and can make it work out. It's unfair to both you and your sons to stay with a husband/father who is a cheater. If he has cheated on you before and you took him back and he is shamelessly doing it again, he will not stop.
Is there anybody who you trust and could talk to? I think you need to assert yourself mentally and having somebody for support would definitely help with that.
I stayed cos I was married. Im kinda like that. I thought well this is what I signed up for, but you know, he left me anyway. Thats the thing. He said he didnt love me anymore(after 9 years), and I was like WTF, it should have been the other way round. If its a bad relationship, then one of you is gonna have to leave at some point. People dont stay unhappy forever. There will come a time when its too much for you. My husband nearly broke me when he left, but I am SO happy now. After the initial first few months of living hell. I never thought I could be this happy. I thought that was my life but you DESERVE happiness. What you are living with is abuse.
I have no respect for cheaters- my dad had at least 5 affairs while i was young and totally destroyed my mum's life, his previous marriage had ended for the same reason, the only reason men like that stop is because they get too old to pull, or too lazy to make the effort to creep around anymore, get out before your baby is born- the more time you spend there, the harder it will be.
good luck
my parents tried to stick together although my mom didn't trust my dad, but in the end it was a living hell cos my sis n i got caught up in the middle of a marriage that was seriously in trouble.i was pretty relieved when it all ended after 18 looong years of seeing them fight all the time.
if you have no place to go and no money, then i think you should come up with a plan to support yourself now!try n think think of any family or friends who could help you. if you don't have anyone then try family support services or women's support services. there are plenty in the UK i'm sure. just pick up the phone directory or go onlnie n find them. they'll help you with finding a place to live, giv you tips on supporting yourself til you're able to work again and finding a job.
i just think that if you're always worried abt him cheating on you, and he's doing nothing to make you think otherwise besides telling you that it's in your head, then it's time you got your thoughts into gear n did soemthing abt it. your suffering will not go un-noticed by your kids - trust me! n it probably will affect them in the long run.
whatever you decide to do -good luck!
Hope it helps, and good luck.
well this really depends on whether ur husband is going to make a huge deal of this n tell the kids that mommy's tearing the family apart - n if he's a HUGE arsehole who doesn't giv a damn about anyone but himself,he probably might do this!
i think you should talk with your kids about this - without bad mouthing your husband, no matter how much of an asshole he is to you, he's "daddy" to the kids n it will break their hearts to hear you dissing him. jus tell them that you'll feel that both of you will be better parents apart rather than together...or something along those lines. they might be confused n hurt at first, but as time goes along they'll see that they're happy because you're happy - because your state of mind will determine what kind of parent you are. good luck,...and a big hug!