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Male / Female Friendship
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
is it possible to achieve a true friendship with the opposite sex?
For ages I thought it was not possible and still doubt it a bit really.
I never had any real female friends, that might explain why.
Most girls that are the closest of female friends are girlfriends of my mates.
And if they are single I always find that it is hard to relate to them and if there is a tight of attraction it will affect the way I act around them which means I am not acting as myself and can not achieve true friendship.
Also I am starting to think otherwise cos been mate with a girl for few months (via msn), there was never any attraction between the two of us and I can really talk about anything and just be myself. It is weird really, but probably cos I don't have the habit of it.
I have always had trouble even having male friendships, so I guess I shouldn't be surprise it is even harder with the opposite sex.
Do any of you got true male / female friendship or do you find it hard to have a true friendship with the opposite sex without having attraction being present or affecting the relationship?
For ages I thought it was not possible and still doubt it a bit really.
I never had any real female friends, that might explain why.
Most girls that are the closest of female friends are girlfriends of my mates.
And if they are single I always find that it is hard to relate to them and if there is a tight of attraction it will affect the way I act around them which means I am not acting as myself and can not achieve true friendship.
Also I am starting to think otherwise cos been mate with a girl for few months (via msn), there was never any attraction between the two of us and I can really talk about anything and just be myself. It is weird really, but probably cos I don't have the habit of it.
I have always had trouble even having male friendships, so I guess I shouldn't be surprise it is even harder with the opposite sex.
Do any of you got true male / female friendship or do you find it hard to have a true friendship with the opposite sex without having attraction being present or affecting the relationship?
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I mean, some of my best friends are guys but that is because being sexually attracted to them has never crossed my mind. Just like when you hold a friendship with the same sex.
However, I'm struggling to hold a friendship with my ex. I find that is impossible, because there's always going to be one that will still hold feelings for the other.
Talking from experience, I totally agree with this.
Oh for sure NMM. I have what i believe to be a true friendship. The person i call my best friend is female.
Oh i dont know about that C2Bk.
There is, on my part an attraction to my best friend but for me it does not interfere in the friendship at all. If anything it makes it more special to me. Maybe it's just me and the way i think that allows me to have a true friendship with a person of the opposite sex that i have an attraction for, beyond friendship. Whatever it is i do believe in true friendships. Absolutely.
To me, like a relationship, If you want a true friendship you have to feel you can trust and rely upon the friend(s) in question. You have to be able to feel that whatever happens you know you can always turn to them. You can talk about anything with them, be open and honest with each other. I think the word i'm looking for is bond. You have to develop a certain bond with a person.
There have been times when I've thought i'd done something to ruin my friendship with said person and from my POV it's only gone on to prove how true the friendship it is. I have a good, solid true friendship.
All relationships are different, whether they're same sex or opposite, so to say they do not work (full stop) is quite extreme. I do think the reason that really good female/male platonic friendships are hard to find and almost impossible to maintain is that a lot of the things that go into a great friendship, are the same things that go into a really great loving relationship (enjoying spending time together, respect, closeness, being there for one another etc.). So if the friend in question is also a member of the sex that you're romantically interested in; then problems are inherent and will probably arise fairly often. I reckon too that this is why so many people can't resist the temptation to try and turn their platonic friendship into a loving relationship. It can pay off, if you're both on the same page, but more often than not a friendship is mutilated beyond any likely redemption.
I have a fair few male friends, and I think that at one point or another (and to some degree) one or both of us has entertained the idea of it becoming more. That's why I maintain a distance in my relationships with fellas that I don't with my female friends.
In terms of partners having friends of the opposite sex, I think it's a hotbed for jealousy but an important hurdle for any relationship. I always felt vaguely uncomfortable when my ex spoke highly of another woman who wasn't a family member. I guess that says more about me than anything else, though.
so yeah, its possible, but not as straightforward as same sex friendships, and youve got to be careful too, especially if you develop a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex, that its not gonna develop into something else that you werent expecting - well, unless you want it to that is.
It's great that you are able to hold yourself back in not holding anymore feelings for her. Personally, I would find that hard and awkward to hold a good friendship.
I agree with all this 100%
As sometimes men tends to have more easily sexual thoughts.
I always used to think it is easier for women, but by seeing some replies in here I am not sure as few men seems to have no trouble creating a proper friendship with the opposite sex.
Good link.
I had one female friend who was strictly a friend and I was (well we was) close, she became stuck up got a bf he took her virginity and then she came crying to me :S now we just hi bye friends.
I believe they can exist but only to a certain point/time but meh some people do have just friendship for years
I really honestly don't think so, i treat my mates male and female the same, but maybe i'm just weird then.
So if one of them told a dirty joke to you there wouldnt be a slightly different atmosphere than if it was another girly instead. Or maybe they wouldnt tell you a dirty joke, even more telling.
So your male friends wouldnt comfort you differntly if you were upset, or they wouldnt be protective if some dodgy guy was chatting you up.
Im not saying your viewing them sexually but there is that extra part to the relationship thats mostly subconscious. It goes beyond just the difference between men and women, If you have cousions I expect you treat your female cousions more like your female friends than you do your male cousions.
I like Chris Rocks quote
"A Womans platonic friend is a dick in a glass case break in case of emergency"
Probably only partly true but a good quote
I have personal experience of this. Have a really close friendship with someone for about a year, then I realised that there was an attraction there on my part. Could never say something for fear of losing the friendship!
I bond with men quite well, better than women actually - but with every single male friend I have I always think what if...?!
The gay one used to think he was bisexual. One day he saw me naked when I had just got out the shower. He went off women for good pretty much straight after that! (Not quite sure what that means about me...)
My best friends are female, and one gay male. I get on with 2 of my male housemates *so* well whereas ive never been able to hack living with women so far.
And we've had no trouble with having feelings for eachother, its just not like that! I can see that they are good looking, and great people, but its never crossed my mind about attempting at taking things further.
So yes to conclude, it is definitly possible.
i ended up in bed with a male friend once when we were drunk and we've barely spoken since
As for ones without attraction, yeah definitely they can work. One of my housemates is one of my best friends, and she's probably quite attractive but I've never thought of her in that way at all. She's just great to talk to and we can have deep conversations about just about anything! In that respect perhaps some girls are better than boys to talk to, most of the time they seem to find it easier to have deep thoughts and conversations? Could that be true?
I also find gay men quite good to talk to actually, perhaps not if they're coming on to me, but apart from that yeah...I have a good mate at work who's gay, he's a great laugh. He's not like the opposite sex of course, but he's definitely more feminine than most men!
To the dirty joke thing, no not really, as for the other things that's surely just the difference between males and females as standard really.
I think i would feel a bit weird beign friends with someone knowing that given the chance they would take things further.
Likewise. I prefer taking drugs with females - easier to relax without having to keep up macho appearance.
People who can't have platonic relationships with the opposite sex make me cringe tbh.