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Male / Female Friendship

is it possible to achieve a true friendship with the opposite sex?

For ages I thought it was not possible and still doubt it a bit really.
I never had any real female friends, that might explain why.

Most girls that are the closest of female friends are girlfriends of my mates.

And if they are single I always find that it is hard to relate to them and if there is a tight of attraction it will affect the way I act around them which means I am not acting as myself and can not achieve true friendship.

Also I am starting to think otherwise cos been mate with a girl for few months (via msn), there was never any attraction between the two of us and I can really talk about anything and just be myself. It is weird really, but probably cos I don't have the habit of it.

I have always had trouble even having male friendships, so I guess I shouldn't be surprise it is even harder with the opposite sex.

Do any of you got true male / female friendship or do you find it hard to have a true friendship with the opposite sex without having attraction being present or affecting the relationship?
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    of course, one of my very best friends is female, i love her to bits but theres no attraction there what so ever
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have more male friends that female friends - one of whom (male) I'm extremely close to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes and no. If there is no attraction to each other then yes, but if one or the other has some attraction then it may cause some problems in the friendship.
    I mean, some of my best friends are guys but that is because being sexually attracted to them has never crossed my mind. Just like when you hold a friendship with the same sex.

    However, I'm struggling to hold a friendship with my ex. I find that is impossible, because there's always going to be one that will still hold feelings for the other.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes and no. If there is no attraction to each other then yes, but if one or the other has some attraction then it may cause some problems in the friendship.

    Talking from experience, I totally agree with this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    is it possible to achieve a true friendship with the opposite sex?

    Oh for sure NMM. I have what i believe to be a true friendship. The person i call my best friend is female.
    Yes and no. If there is no attraction to each other then yes, but if one or the other has some attraction then it may cause some problems in the friendship.

    Oh i dont know about that C2Bk.

    There is, on my part an attraction to my best friend but for me it does not interfere in the friendship at all. If anything it makes it more special to me. Maybe it's just me and the way i think that allows me to have a true friendship with a person of the opposite sex that i have an attraction for, beyond friendship. Whatever it is i do believe in true friendships. Absolutely.

    To me, like a relationship, If you want a true friendship you have to feel you can trust and rely upon the friend(s) in question. You have to be able to feel that whatever happens you know you can always turn to them. You can talk about anything with them, be open and honest with each other. I think the word i'm looking for is bond. You have to develop a certain bond with a person.

    There have been times when I've thought i'd done something to ruin my friendship with said person and from my POV it's only gone on to prove how true the friendship it is. I have a good, solid true friendship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Of course, sometimes.

    All relationships are different, whether they're same sex or opposite, so to say they do not work (full stop) is quite extreme. I do think the reason that really good female/male platonic friendships are hard to find and almost impossible to maintain is that a lot of the things that go into a great friendship, are the same things that go into a really great loving relationship (enjoying spending time together, respect, closeness, being there for one another etc.). So if the friend in question is also a member of the sex that you're romantically interested in; then problems are inherent and will probably arise fairly often. I reckon too that this is why so many people can't resist the temptation to try and turn their platonic friendship into a loving relationship. It can pay off, if you're both on the same page, but more often than not a friendship is mutilated beyond any likely redemption.

    I have a fair few male friends, and I think that at one point or another (and to some degree) one or both of us has entertained the idea of it becoming more. That's why I maintain a distance in my relationships with fellas that I don't with my female friends.

    In terms of partners having friends of the opposite sex, I think it's a hotbed for jealousy but an important hurdle for any relationship. I always felt vaguely uncomfortable when my ex spoke highly of another woman who wasn't a family member. I guess that says more about me than anything else, though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah I think it can happen, although USUALLY there is some attraction on one side and then that person settles for friendship, either that, or as you say, its because theyre the partner of a friend. I have had maybe 2 or 3 m/f platonic friendships that have been purely platonic and no attraction, and ive had plenty more where it was more of a case of them fancying me, but i didnt fancy them back so we just ended up as friends. I used to be ok with that, but nowadays im really not, and if I think a guy secretly fancies me, it affects the friendship as im always trying to make sure they dont get the wrong idea etc, and also I would hate the idea of making a guys girlfriend feel insecure.
    so yeah, its possible, but not as straightforward as same sex friendships, and youve got to be careful too, especially if you develop a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex, that its not gonna develop into something else that you werent expecting - well, unless you want it to that is.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    EDN1 wrote:
    Oh i dont know about that C2Bk.

    There is, on my part an attraction to my best friend but for me it does not interfere in the friendship at all. If anything it makes it more special to me. Maybe it's just me and the way i think that allows me to have a true friendship with a person of the opposite sex that i have an attraction for, beyond friendship. Whatever it is i do believe in true friendships. Absolutely.

    It's great that you are able to hold yourself back in not holding anymore feelings for her. Personally, I would find that hard and awkward to hold a good friendship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    briggi wrote:
    Of course, sometimes.

    All relationships are different, whether they're same sex or opposite, so to say they do not work (full stop) is quite extreme. I do think the reason that really good female/male platonic friendships are hard to find and almost impossible to maintain is that a lot of the things that go into a great friendship, are the same things that go into a really great loving relationship (enjoying spending time together, respect, closeness, being there for one another etc.). So if the friend in question is also a member of the sex that you're romantically interested in; then problems are inherent and will probably arise fairly often. I reckon too that this is why so many people can't resist the temptation to try and turn their platonic friendship into a loving relationship. It can pay off, if you're both on the same page, but more often than not a friendship is mutilated beyond any likely redemption.

    I have a fair few male friends, and I think that at one point or another (and to some degree) one or both of us has entertained the idea of it becoming more. That's why I maintain a distance in my relationships with fellas that I don't with my female friends.

    In terms of partners having friends of the opposite sex, I think it's a hotbed for jealousy but an important hurdle for any relationship. I always felt vaguely uncomfortable when my ex spoke highly of another woman who wasn't a family member. I guess that says more about me than anything else, though.

    I agree with all this 100%
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Also do you think it is easier to achieve it as a female rather than a man?
    As sometimes men tends to have more easily sexual thoughts.

    I always used to think it is easier for women, but by seeing some replies in here I am not sure as few men seems to have no trouble creating a proper friendship with the opposite sex.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have a lot of female friends. Most of them gained through smoking blow and drugs in general.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was thinking about this, I think that if neither of you are attracted to each other than yea, but sooner or later one of you will start to wonder "what if"... This link was interesting clicky
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This link was interesting clicky

    Good link.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think thats a true article, they do get attached too quickly to males. Many a time I had female friends, we are all ok chatting away then BAM "you ok with our status" im like o.0

    I had one female friend who was strictly a friend and I was (well we was) close, she became stuck up got a bf he took her virginity and then she came crying to me :S now we just hi bye friends.

    I believe they can exist but only to a certain point/time but meh some people do have just friendship for years
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you can definetly. Pretty much all my mates are blokes
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah definatley i have quite a few good guy mates and one of my bestest bestest friends is a lad and i can safely say (and this goes for all my other guy mates too) that there is no attraction on either side or no sexual tension or whatever.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah you can, but if you of a similer age and both straight there will always be an extra, slightly flirty dynamic to the relationship I think this is the case evern if both parties would deny it
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah you can, but if you of a similer age and both straight there will always be an extra, slightly flirty dynamic to the relationship I think this is the case evern if both parties would deny it

    I really honestly don't think so, i treat my mates male and female the same, but maybe i'm just weird then.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They do work. I prefer bloke friends to girly friends because I'm just more comfortable around them. I used to have a blokey bestfriend but he decided to have a crush on me and that all went to pot.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    beans wrote:
    I really honestly don't think so, i treat my mates male and female the same, but maybe i'm just weird then.

    So if one of them told a dirty joke to you there wouldnt be a slightly different atmosphere than if it was another girly instead. Or maybe they wouldnt tell you a dirty joke, even more telling.
    So your male friends wouldnt comfort you differntly if you were upset, or they wouldnt be protective if some dodgy guy was chatting you up.

    Im not saying your viewing them sexually but there is that extra part to the relationship thats mostly subconscious. It goes beyond just the difference between men and women, If you have cousions I expect you treat your female cousions more like your female friends than you do your male cousions.

    I like Chris Rocks quote
    "A Womans platonic friend is a dick in a glass case break in case of emergency"
    Probably only partly true but a good quote
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes and no. If there is no attraction to each other then yes, but if one or the other has some attraction then it may cause some problems in the friendship.

    I have personal experience of this. Have a really close friendship with someone for about a year, then I realised that there was an attraction there on my part. Could never say something for fear of losing the friendship!

    I bond with men quite well, better than women actually - but with every single male friend I have I always think what if...?!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've got more female friends than male friends but my two closest friends are male. Of those one of them is ugly and the other one is gay.

    The gay one used to think he was bisexual. One day he saw me naked when I had just got out the shower. He went off women for good pretty much straight after that! (Not quite sure what that means about me...)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ive found that i tend to get on better with men than women.

    My best friends are female, and one gay male. I get on with 2 of my male housemates *so* well whereas ive never been able to hack living with women so far.

    And we've had no trouble with having feelings for eachother, its just not like that! I can see that they are good looking, and great people, but its never crossed my mind about attempting at taking things further.

    So yes to conclude, it is definitly possible.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tough one. i have male friends who i hang out with but i know for a fact they'd all take it further if i wanted to. thats why i maintain some distance.. i don't see them as often as i see female friends.
    i ended up in bed with a male friend once when we were drunk and we've barely spoken since :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sometimes even if there is an attraction between sexes it can still be a really good, platonic friendship. In some cases I've got on even better with a girl who I probably liked a bit 'in that way', because you feel more comfortable talking about certain things. As long as you know your limits of course, if anything happens between you then obviously you've ballsed it up!

    As for ones without attraction, yeah definitely they can work. One of my housemates is one of my best friends, and she's probably quite attractive but I've never thought of her in that way at all. She's just great to talk to and we can have deep conversations about just about anything! In that respect perhaps some girls are better than boys to talk to, most of the time they seem to find it easier to have deep thoughts and conversations? Could that be true?

    I also find gay men quite good to talk to actually, perhaps not if they're coming on to me, but apart from that yeah...I have a good mate at work who's gay, he's a great laugh. He's not like the opposite sex of course, but he's definitely more feminine than most men!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'm going to say yes, i was friends with this girl for a while and we nearly ended up getting together but decided it best to just stay friends, i dont have any feelings for her in that way anymore and she is a really great mate so yes, males and females can be just friends! :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So if one of them told a dirty joke to you there wouldnt be a slightly different atmosphere than if it was another girly instead. Or maybe they wouldnt tell you a dirty joke, even more telling.
    So your male friends wouldnt comfort you differntly if you were upset, or they wouldnt be protective if some dodgy guy was chatting you up.

    To the dirty joke thing, no not really, as for the other things that's surely just the difference between males and females as standard really.
    I think i would feel a bit weird beign friends with someone knowing that given the chance they would take things further.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    turlough wrote:
    I have a lot of female friends. Most of them gained through smoking blow and drugs in general.

    Likewise. I prefer taking drugs with females - easier to relax without having to keep up macho appearance.

    People who can't have platonic relationships with the opposite sex make me cringe tbh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hell yeah!of course it's possible to have a platonic relationship. sometimes i think being my guy friends are way better than my girl friends (that excludes my two best friends!)..because they're way more honest with me (when it comes to how i look,to what a dumbass i can be sometimes, and to relationships....) and they can take my blunt honesty as well! and they're very protective of the girls when we all go out!(ie; they help to keep all the drunken psychos away!!)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinydancer wrote:
    and they're very protective of the girls when we all go out!(ie; they help to keep all the drunken psychos away!!)
    thats very true actually. my male friends are really protective of me and i know i won't come to any harm when i'm out with them.
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