Is it better to have loved and lost...

BillieTheBot

...or never to have loved at all?

Former Member

Loved and lost. Absolutely. That always seems to be the point I'm arguing when I break up with someone....but I do honestly believe it.

Former Member

Of course it is.

I think the pleasure of love is greater than the loss of it, even though it may not feel that way at the time it disappears.

Another way I like to look at it is that love has influenced and inspired so many people (and continues to do so). If they'd retreated from love for fear of getting hurt then we'd be missing a lot of the inspirational music, art, literature etc that we take for granted.

Former Member

I'm at odds with this sentiment. I used to think that, yes it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all but for me all i've ever had is heartache, and that goes on so currently i dont believe it is better at all. Maybe i only say this because i always find heartache and not love. Perhaps if i ever find love I'll change that thinking.

-briggi wrote:

Of course it is.

I think the pleasure of love is greater than the loss of it, even though it may not feel that way at the time it disappears.

Another way I like to look at it is that love has influenced and inspired so many people (and continues to do so). If they'd retreated from love for fear of getting hurt then we'd be missing a lot of the inspirational music, art, literature etc that we take for granted.

That's quite a good way of looking at it i suppose. You might have just got me having second thoughts on my opinion now

Former Member

I would rather never love because then I am not at the risk of hurt nor do I have to change.

Former Member

Love and lose. I'd rather the extremes of life both good and bad than to just go through the motions

Although admitedly the last month has been very low but fuck it ... only way is up and all that :thumb:

Teh_Gerbil

-[MoonRat]- wrote:

I would rather never love because then I am not at the risk of hurt nor do I have to change.

:thumb: True. If you dont know what your mising, cant miss it!

JsT

Loved and lost deffo.

Former Member

Jon_UK wrote:

Love and lose. I'd rather the extremes of life both good and bad than to just go through the motions

Totally agree!

Former Member

Definatly loved and lost. Because after the hurt is gone you can reminise(sp?) though I do wish it wouldnt hurt so much.

Former Member

Loved and lost. :mad:
6months ago i might have said different but was very upset and hurt at the time so. But we live we learn. I'd hate to just life out life thinking there isn't anything better out there. what would the point of living be.

Former Member

I think it's best to have never loved at all.

Love can bring you a lot of happiness, but it can also break you like nothing else.

And the way I see it, when a love is lost, then even good memories don't feel as good anymore and the pain is always greatest than the good moments.

Former Member

i think better to have loved and lost. I agree that it can break you like nothing else can, but id still rather have my memories.
If there was no love, im not sure i could be bothered to live.

Former Member

rainbow brite wrote:

i think better to have loved and lost. I agree that it can break you like nothing else can, but id still rather have my memories.

Memories that can make you insecure and fucked you so bad you can never trust anyone at 100% which will affect future love.

Some people can't live with love, but when you have loved and lost, love isn't there anymore is it?

And if it comes back, well, see first sentence.

Former Member

Nah I'd rather be me... I won't change for anyone and to be fair, I don't technically believe in the whole "love" thing anyway. I think it's just an attachment... Somebody who makes you feel more secure within yourself.

littlemissy

nihilisticmadman wrote:

Memories that can make you insecure and fucked you so bad you can never trust anyone at 100% which will affect future love.

Not everyone is like that though.

I would rather have loved and lost. I would rather experience this than be too scared of getting into a relationship because it may end and therefore I may get hurt or hurt someone else. It's being a bit wussy. I would rather experience and embrace love rather than back away from it time and time again out of fear or whatever.

Former Member

littlemissy wrote:

Not everyone is like that though.

Yep I agree on that, everyone is different and deal with lost differently.

Former Member

Loved and Lost...being in love with someone of the opposite sex is a life experience imo...different than loving family members....people who choose not to love are afraid of something...very insecure people imho.

Former Member

I don't think you can choose love or not, if love present itself there isn't much you can do to stop it.

I think it is more likely than people saying it is best to have never loved at all are people that have been in love already and probably lost it.

Loved and lost teach you a lot tho.

Former Member

Never to have loved at all, I might change my mind in a few months though. It's awful to lose someone you care so much about I wish I had never met the last guy I lost because its awful not having him around at all especially knowing I'll almost definitely never see him again, I miss him loads and can't even remember the good memories right now, hence better to have never loved at all.

ps Sorry bitter bitch right here!!!

Former Member

nihilisticmadman wrote:

I don't think you can choose love or not, if love present itself there isn't much you can do to stop it.
.

Yes there is. There's no such thing as love at first sight. You can get an immense crush at first sight but not love. You have to allow yourself to love someone. It takes time. Some people don't let themselves fall in love because they're afraid it might hurt them. And 95% of the time it does but who gives a fuck? At least you experienced it and learned from it.

Former Member

turlough wrote:

Yes there is. There's no such thing as love at first sight. You can get an immense crush at first sight but not love.

Good point, I probably think otherwise because it never afraid me so I always jump right in there.

turlough wrote:

At least you experienced it and learned from it.

So true, at the end any experience is still good, even if it end up badely.

Life is a bitch and a sure way to learn that is to have loved and lost.

Former Member

your experiences are what makes you who you are.
All life is a big lesson. Sometimes you get fucked over, but you live, you learn.

Former Member

Loved and lost. I've just come out of a long term relationship and I'm feeling pretty shit right now. I don't ever regret having the relationship though.

Former Member

[

QUOTE=EDN1]I'm at odds with this sentiment. I used to think that, yes it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all but for me all i've ever had is heartache, and that goes on so currently i dont believe it is better at all. Maybe i only say this because i always find heartache and not love. Perhaps if i ever find love I'll change that thinking.

yeah,i used to think that it is better to have loved and lost...but the prospect of getting hurt again just scares the crap out of me!but then again, that's the kind of thing that helps you to grow a little more and helps you to become a better person hey? you live, you learn!

Former Member

nihilisticmadman, I'm curious as to what made you ask this question?

Former Member

EDN1 wrote:

nihilisticmadman, I'm curious as to what made you ask this question?

Well cos most people I know say loved and lost and I think otherwise, so wanted to see what everyone in there was thinking about it.

I have loved and lost, I even have loved and lost things I never really had and well, I had already lived enough crap before to know life sucks, I didn't needed a reminder and I really really hate wasting time.

I know people say live and learn, but I haven't learn anything I didn't know already.

Also I would say I am glad my last "loved and lost" happend as it is the reason that brang me in this country where I met my gf who show me everyday that love can even go behind the limits I knew, which were already quite extreme.

Former Member

Turlough, you speak in your own opinion. I have never experianced love at first sight, but i think it may exist for some people. I think that what nihilisticmadman said is true because i couldnt stop falling in love, its a force i dont think you can stop.

I think that loved and lost is probably better, but i wont feel like that in about a week. I met a guy recently and were now going out, and im falling in love with him, you cant stop it, it just happens. I lost my virginity to him yesterday, im crazy about him. But he is moving to wales for 6 months on saturday because he is doing a course in training to teach outdoor extreme sports. So next week i will change my mind!

Former Member

The lessons you learn from loving and losing are invaluable but if I could I would have never loved at all

Former Member

YES!! At least you would be able to feel the way that one person makes you feel everytime you see them and when they kiss you! but when you finaly find love DONT let them go.....it hurts so much when you no the only one for you dosent want you anymore! :crying:

Former Member

Nikki-Bean wrote:

when you finaly find love DONT let them go.....it hurts so much when you no the only one for you dosent want you anymore! :crying:

if someone doesnt want you nymore, what the hell are you supposed to do? When we lose someone we love, its not because "we let them go"