Feelings & When/How long til you fall in Love

Former Member

Hi - don't post here too often but had a wee query! :chin:

Been seeing a girl for 3 months now - absolutely stunning, 21 years old, and a really nice girl with lovely personality. We get on really well as we're both easy going, she has her own flat (rented with her mate) so all in all good. So there are no problems. Thing is - not sure if I'm like a girl in this respect, but cos I know she likes me and already would do quite a bit for me, I maybe don't feel as attracted as I should at this stage (ie, might pref a treat em mean kinda situation). I mean typically - how long is it before you develop deep feelings for someone, or love them. I mean I see no reason in the world to end things just cos I don't think I have loads of feelings yet, I'm just looking for an indication if maybe I'm looking for too much too soon (in terms of feelings). Does anyone have any thoughts?

Former Member

Treat em mean is utter bollocks, to start. Treating someone badly does nothing.

Well, it depends. You can like someone a lot and not love them. You can despise them and love them.

It's a feeling that comes when its ready. In new relationships quite often one partner has more feelings, it either balances out or it doesn't.

Just have fun instead of worrying about being in love. You'll know when you are, and it doesn't matter if you're not. You're only young.

Former Member

Yeah it comes at different times for everyone!

You will both know when your in love i think - ive never been in love.

But from the view of a girl - i dont like to be treated mean, it would keep me keen but would hurt me and if you were mean at the start of a relationship i would never stay with you for that long - you dont gain anything IMO

Former Member

Kermit wrote:

It's a feeling that comes when its ready. In new relationships quite often one partner has more feelings, it either balances out or it doesn't.

Exactly. Youre unlikely to both fall in love at the exact same moment. Some people fall head over heels really quickly. Others take longer.
My boyf fell for me after only a short time (well y`know, youve either got it or you aint ) but it took me a little longer.
It can be weird at that stage where its a bit unbalanced. If you feel theres potential though, dont worry if youre not madly in love immediatly.
I think you can tell to a certain extent whether its ever likely to happen though.

Bunnie

i have had different feelings with different exes at different paces...but (most) all meant the same to me. you have to decide if you can see yourself with this girl in months to come, or if you think you should like her because she is "absolutely stunning, 21 years old, and a really nice girl with lovely personality." rather than having true feelings for her...but sorry love, only you know the answer to that one!

Former Member

It takes exactly 7.4 months and half an hour.

Bunnie

my_name wrote:

It takes exactly 7.4 months and half an hour.

ahh you see, thats where ive been going wrong, i keep forgetting about that half hour and giving up!

Former Member

Yeah - I can def see me with her long term - we get on great! It's just going too perfect (if that can ever be the case)! No hitches, no-one is chasing the other too much, we both give each other freedom and there's no clingyness! Actually - funny thing is, I feel uglier than I ever have done in my life. Because she's so pretty everyone is saying to me 'how did I pull her'! It's a bit annoying but at the end of the day I know she likes me and I suppose thats all that matters. ANyway - thats a side issue.

re Treat em mean thing - I was kinda stupid saying that - it's just that I went with a girl a few years ago and felt like I fell in love immediately and I reckon it was because she was being distant and stnd offish and couldn't get her full attention. It was horrible but the attraction was huge! Think that's where my confusion is coming from. I'm having a mych better time this time just need there to be more. But I'm going to stick with it and see how it go's. No worries! :thumb:

Former Member

sounds lovely. I hope things go well for you :thumb:

and dont forget the half hour