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what to do?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hi i really feel like i need some help and am i finding it difficult to talk to friends. im really confused at the moment me and my bf splitt up on boxing day and i am really upset but it was my decision he was really upset as well beause we have been together for nearly four years. my reason for wanting to splitt up with is that at the end of november i realised i was pregnant i was so upset and didnt know what to do. after talking to my bf and no one else we decided to have an abortion. but now everytime i look at him it makes me realise what i did and it makes me so upset to the point that i cant look at any more and i suppose i blame him aswell even though its probably my fault as much as his. but he didnt have to go through it. now we have splitt up i really dont know what to do. i dont know whether i should get back with him or whether we should stay apart. he says he wants us yo get back together but i really dont know how i feel. any replys would be great thanks :)

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had an abortion in July and found it hard to be with my boyfriend because it reminded me of what I had done, even though the decision was made by the both of us. I always loved my boyfriend through this and we managed to get through it and are still together. If you still love your boyfriend then maybe its worth continuing the relationship. Have you thought about counselling? I was offered some after i had my abortion and they also offered it at my 3 week check up.

    It does get easier with time, I do think about it from time to time especially when my period arrives. But you must have had good reasons to have an abortion I know I did.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i havent really thought about counselling as i find it really hard to talk about it. i have got so many emotions and not to sure how i really feel about anything. im not even sure if i still love my bf.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    get some counselling. You would have had some already but you're obviously not dealing with it as well as you thought you would.

    The abortion is not your boyfriends fault, ultimately you made the decision and he may not understand how difficult it was for you to actually go through with it. Also he may be as upset but unable to talk about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    vodka babe wrote:
    i havent really thought about counselling as i find it really hard to talk about it. i have got so many emotions and not to sure how i really feel about anything. im not even sure if i still love my bf.

    but you must have seen someone when making the decision - it's part of the abortion service.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think Milky Way is right, if you still love your bf then you might just need time to get your head around what has happened, counselling would help.

    If he wants to get back together with you then he must still love you.How long have you been apart?
  • ClaireBearClaireBear Deactivated Posts: 467 Listening Ear
    Hiya vodka babe,
    *Hugs* and lots of them. I know you've said you find it really hard to talk about what's going on, but if you think you could, and don't want to talk to friends or family, you can go and see a counsellor at your local Brook Centre, it's free and totally confidential. If there isn't a Brook Centre near you, you can search the Youth Access directory of services to find a free counselling service near you. It might really help.

    CB
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i did see someone but not really to talk to they just said am i sure about my decision. that was it and then they booked me to have it. i know its my bf fault but in a way i knew he didnt want to keep it so i thought i didnt.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The whole still thing is still very raw if it was just the end of november, do your family know about it? maybe what you need is some time apart from your boyfriend to work out how you really feel. ive never been in this position but i did have a miscarriage last year and i know what its like to get yourself worked up with what-ifs and looking for someone to blame, it may help if you had another close family member to talk to, someone who wasnt involved. hope you are ok *hugs*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks. i told my mum and dad after i had the abortion when me and my bf had split up cus they wanted to know what happened. they were really upset but i dont feel i can talk to them as my ex is very much a part of my family. so they agree with the both of us. i think i do work myself up one min i can be fine the next im crying my eyes out. i just dont want to tell friends as they might think bad of me i know they probably wouldnt but i have tied and the words just dont come out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im sure your family will want to be there for your, your ex may be part of the family but you're not asking them to take your side or anything, i just know from experience that its not good to bottle everything up. have you explained to your boyfriend exactly how you feel? you might find that he needs support just as much as you do, if you found out how he was feeling it might make you more clear about your relationship. just an idea, hope you're ok xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks i have explained to my bf how i feel and i know he is as upset as i am. i think its worse aswell because when people find out i have had abortion they always ask how i am but never how he is. so i think that must upset him aswell. i just dont know how to feel about anything or what to do :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    From what you've said it looks like you've two things to think about,

    -How you're feeling about the abortion
    As people have said above, counselling will help, as will talking to friends and family about it if that feels confortable.It's a really difficult thing you've been through but people are there to help.

    -What your going to do about your bf
    This may be very hard at the moment but i think that to answer this you should be looking past the abortion and think to yourself do i love him? if the answer is yes then when your ready maybe you should think about seeing him again.

    Sorry for the really straight forward e-mail, i know it's not as straight forward as that in real life!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for all your advice me and my ex bf met up on sunday and we had a big chat about everything and how we both have happened. there was lots of tears but we are going to stay splitt up for a bit and see how it goes. i still dont know if i love him but i care for him so much and dont want to hurt him.-
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey vodka babe, I just wanted to say good luck with everything. I've never been through anything of the sort personally, but I know this can be a very difficult time for you right now. Hope everything works out well...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bluewisdom wrote:
    Hey vodka babe, I just wanted to say good luck with everything. I've never been through anything of the sort personally, but I know this can be a very difficult time for you right now. Hope everything works out well...

    thanks :)
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