Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options

feeling all jumbled up, not sure where i'm going anymore

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hiya guys and gals.

Not sure if i'm after advise or just need to get all this off my chest. As some of you may have read from some of the other posts, 4 months ago my wife left after i found out that she had been having an affair for about 6months. I kind of guess this was happening, just from the way she'd been acting and doing, but i never had the proof. When i had asked her she said no, and they were just friends. At which point i REALLY thought something was going on (could tell by her voice and eyes she was lying).

2 Months ago she moved out and left for good. We see each other every now and then when at the gym or if i need to get something or she picks up her mail. The guy she was seeing left her to go back to his wife and now shes seeing someone else and now treating me like S**T. At first i thought that i'd go out and have some fun and be a bit of a man whore lol. I've met a few people but its just not the same. Even after all that she's done and doing i still love her. dont get me wrong i would never take her back as i wouldn't beable to trust her, and i believe that trust is one of the base things in any relationship.

I'm now at a point that i dont have any idea on what i'm doing in my life. I've been putting alot of effort into work, and pickup an old hobby i've not done for 6months (airsoft, which is great as everyother sunday i go into the the new forest and shoot other people with 6mm BB's - great for stress relief).

I feel like i need to do something with my life, a change in job or life style etc... i was thinking of going into the police (maybe the NCIS, or SOCA) but to join the police i'd need to take a 5-6k pay cut that i cant afford. The other thing for me (like so many others) i've never been good at the whole being single thing. but i dont what to rush into a relationship with just anyone. I'm a very sensitive and emontional type of person.

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sounds like you're doing all the right things, keeping busy etc, but expecting results too soon. you were married to this woman, so there was obviously alot of love there+bcos she cheated, it's hurt you alot. Dont just expect this to go away soon, it could take years and if you try to rush yourself you may end up feeling worse. Id keep doing what you're doing, but maybe focus on making new friends more than being a man whore!!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah, i know it will take time, but even with keeping busy and being a man whore it just feels fake and not me. dont get me wrong i'm enjoying the causal sex but its not the same, as i know the person i'm whoring with has broke up with her bf abotu the same time but wants to get back with him. So i think i need someone new.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well then obviously you're not the kind of person who enjoys meaningless sex and you prefere lovin when you're in a relationship with a person you care about!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah i'd prefer to be in a loving relationship and love the person i'm having sex with, but i still enjoy meaningless sex (have a very high sex drive). think i just need to find the right women for meaningless sex with (open to try new things). current one is a bit shy.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, it isn't fair on the current one if she isnt right for you, it means you're just using her for sex until someone better comes along. Have you tried placing a personal ad, either in a paper or online? you could then meet someone who understands your position from the beginning, and with the same openness as you!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah i've tried the personal ads online (both normal and adult). yeah i know its not fair on her, but she has also said to me that all she wants from me is sex, and she's said she's happy with what shes getting from me. i've talked to her about it and she's happy to continue as things are for the time being, but i'm not sure i am
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, sounds like quite an ideal situation, in the respect of no one getting hurt. however, its rare that people can have just sex, without feelings getting involved eventually! What makes you think you arent sure??? how do u feel?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Even though she says shes happy with the situation, just casual sex. which is what i'm after atm, i'm not sure i'm happy with it with her. as i said i know she want to get back with her bf, but he doesn't. Yes we're both using each other for sex, and it works. but as i said i prefer to feel a little more for the person than just a piece of meat. i like the girl as a friend but we're too different for anything else, we had been talking on msn for a bit before we started shagging.
    and as i said i'm a little confused about everything atm
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    maybe its time to move on from her, especially as she seems to have issues of not being over her ex, even though he doesnt want her back. Maybe try the personal ad thing, but try for friendship first+see where it develops. you never know, it may lead to friendship, then compatible sex+maybe a new relationship, if you're ready!
    Hope im helping you!! We're taking over this thread!!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lol yeah we are aren't we. yeah i've placed a few ads but nothing really coming from any of them. yeah i agree with you on the me moving on bit as think her still wanting her ex is whats putting me off
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sounds like it. sounds like u want fun, with no strings. and her still having feelings for her ex means strings are there!! Where've u placed the ads??
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yahoo, dateline, match, loopylove, loopy4love and a few adult dating sites.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    a good adult one may by www.literotica.com on their personal ads bit of the discussion boards.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cheers not used that one. one problem i'm finding with the adult ones is their all up for it when emailing, txt etc... but when it comes to meeting up for some real fun they bottle it. or the ones i'm talking to are :banghead:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lol, can i ask what you're writing in your adverts? just thinking of ways u can attract more women, lol, from a woman's perspective.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    er yeah. depend the adult ones are worded different and cant really go to them at work to copy what i've written there.
    but the others are along the lines of

    "I'm a friendly, caring and sensitive male thats a bit of a romantic at heart, that is seeking some female company for friendship, possibly more (if the right woman comes along).

    I looking for someone share all the good things in life with. I love both the outdoors and indoors. I love going out with friends, having a laugh, watching films, go for walks, playing sports (airsoft, rugby), sailing (but not done much of that for a while and going to the gym. But i also love nothing more than to relax listerning to music while reading a book, or cuddling up on the sofa with a glass of wine and film (hopefully with that special someone).

    My music taste ranges from Eve Cassidy, Queen to Greenday and Foo Fighters. Films anything goes really, romance to horror to comedy to action.

    I like dining out but also like to cook but dont get much chance to do anything fancy while cooking for one.

    Wish you all the best of luck your search for friendship and love. "

    yes i know that this is more aimed at friendship or a relationship, but as you said i'd prefer to have friendship as soemthing else might bloom
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just tried www.literotica.com its got a link to another dating site, but the thing keeps telling me my post code is invalid for the UK. haven't looked at the boards there yet. boss sits a little too close.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    have you tried faceparty?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nope, not heard of that one. is it a singles site then?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no its just a site where you can put photos, a profile,browse the people on there, message people, meet up etc.
    I met my new blokey off there and hes fabulous. Its a good way of screening people.
    most of them are losers though, you just need to pick and choose carefully.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    might have to give it a try then, i'll let the women i work with know about that one too. she's doing the same thing as me atm.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    god i sound desperate
  • Options
    DancerDancer Community Champion Posts: 7,911 Master Poster
    Woah. This thread was made ages ago. I`m surpised that it hasn`t been closed yet.
    "There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
    "The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
    "I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 
  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Kasa2103 said:
    Woah. This thread was made ages ago. I`m surpised that it hasn`t been closed yet.
    I flagged it.
    Thanks, @Kasa2103
  • Options
    SienaSiena Posts: 15,557 Skive's The Limit
    ? Now i am confused
    Kasa2103 said:
    Woah. This thread was made ages ago. I`m surpised that it hasn`t been closed yet.
    There are tons of threads made ages ago, they only get closed if its been brought back up/someone replies - like youve just done. I think. @The Mix  ?

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Options
    TheMixTheMix Posts: 3,049 Boards Guru
    edited August 2018
    Hey @Kasa2103, @Shaunie @Aidan @Floxy  

    Thanks for flagging this thread, we've now closed it. We don't have a system to close all old threads yet, so it's something that we do manually if someone reports it to us or comments on an old thread :) 

    Thanks again!

    - Aife
    We're @Aife, @Ella, @Gemma, and @JustV - the staff team here at The Mix.

    Our DMs are monitored Monday - Friday (10am - 5pm) with limited cover on weekends. We have a great team of moderators looking after the community outside of those hours to check in on any reported posts.

    We're not able to provide support on this account. If you need support urgently for any reason, please call 999, go to your nearest A&E or contact Crisis Messenger by texting THEMIX to 85258.
This discussion has been closed.