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Crappy Classmates...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
edited March 27 in Work & Study
Ok so I'm in my second year. I missed a lot of the first year due to illness and although I knew people on my course I missed out on a lot of the drama and in house fighting that went on.

Anyway, so I'm back at university this year and I'm making an effort but after a few social outings I realise that my classmates erm, don't appear to like me much. I usually would consider myself to be paranoid but I actually heard them talking about me after they lied to me about what they were doing after class ("Oh we're not going to the bar we're going to go to the library, no nothing's going on tonight").

They were actually saying that they don't like me because I don't make the effort to be liked, that I expect people to take me as I am (I mean that's effing stupid). I've never been particularly popular but this has really annoyed me. It's made me not want to go to university, I've tried making friends with other people but by now everybody has got very cliquey and it's hard trying to fit in anywhere if you understand the logic.

I have great friends outside of university that I met at work and various other places and I have a wonderful boyfriend, but I feel really...stupid. Like I've come to university and through no fault of my own I've been ex-communicated. Whenever I try and make an effort people snub me or just take the mick. One night I went out with these guys I stayed at one of their houses, in the night I was sharing a room (Not a bed a ROOM) with this guy and he tried it on with me. Climbed in my bed and tried to kiss me etc and I ended up scratching him and punching him to make him go away and slept in the hall. I didn't hit on him, he knows I have a boyfriend and has met him. I didn't tell anybody but everybody was talking about it the next week making it sound like I'd been some sort of brazen hussy.

I really don't know what to do, because I enjoy my course but this whole social side of things has just put a real downer on things. Any ideas of how to make these people ...well be nice to me. There's no point in telling me to put my head down and just get on with my work because what sort of life is that? I mean I'll do the work yeah but...all work and no play makes StarCrossed tres miserable and could cause a lapse of my illness.
Post edited by JustV on

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah I had a sucky time at uni on the social ide. Not as bad as that but a few incidences and such. Basically if you dont live with people and clique early your screwed, unless you do the usual student stuff all the time eg get pissed tons, rant about Bush etc.

    Welln I guess I'd advise trying with girls firts. They seem to be more open to social contact, especially with other girls. Myabe even tell them about the incident that night int he room, it might sway them to your side.

    Other then that, maybe take it as a bad lot and contrate on your friends outside of uni and use uni as means to get a degree, work if you will.

    Sounds like you had a hard time and I'm sorry ffor that I hope it improves.

    I reckon people will say to jopin societies and stuff, though it didn't help me.

    I hope it turns out well for you.

    Good Luck!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some people just won't like you, and some people are arseholes. What normally happens is the arsehole starts mouthing off about you, and all the giggly cronies join in- not because they hate you, but because they don't want the arsehole to hate them.

    I hated university because it is full of little kiddies. The wife got grief from her flatmates because she didn't want to go out and get pissed every night, and got mardy when people used all her food and crockery without clearing up. I didn't get grief so much, but I did get the silent treatment.

    Big cliques are always like that. I made some great friends at uni, but none of them were in any cliques. I think that was telling.

    Don't bother with cliques, and get involved in social groups and such like. Most groups at unis are grateful for the new faces.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hated uni to start with, everybody seemed to have merged into cliques by the time I got there and all had faces like a cat's arse. :grump:

    The thing with cliques is that they all seem to have somethign in common and if you are desperate for friends you'll change your own personality just to have a bit of company. IMe and my friend from school were feeling like fools, turning up to freshers week "alone" but since we've met loads of peoplewho felt the same and now our group has become a large meshwork of different personalities. We're all living at home but we dont treat outsiders like shit, if they're sound then we all hang out.

    Why are people such assholes when it co :confused: mes to letting people join in? Pigeon holing is so immature and depressing when you get to my age.

    At the end of the day, you have good friends outside of uni (and what's a few hours a day spent with some arseholes?) so obviously you don't suffer from a smelly friend-repelling disease.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah it wa slike that at our uni. Didn't get too much of the nasty stuff, excpet on the message boards. Even the uni student officers were involved in it. The boards have been shut down now, for good I think.

    Also, apologies for all the typos in that last post lol. Sorry!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What course are you doing?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ironically....journalism.

    Strange thing is outside of university I have a great social life. I used to work as a door to door fundraiser and am quite sociable. But the people in my class are all just so....stuck up and need a damned good smack and I hate feeling like that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    so smack them, see that what they say lol!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I enjoy university, but all the people I share with are mature students. I actually feel more comfortable around a lot of the students in Kingston than the majority of friends back home, my flatmate is very funny, another is a complete hippy.

    My casses are Ok, but politics seems quite cliquey... However, human rights is full of very nice people, probably because we all have that interest.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I usually would consider myself to be paranoid but I actually heard them talking about me after they lied to me about what they were doing after class ("Oh we're not going to the bar we're going to go to the library, no nothing's going on tonight").
    Forget them. Anyone who is shallow enough to do that isn't worth the time or the effort. I've had several flatmates who carried on with that sort of behaviour so I don't give them my time anymore, although I'm still civil.

    Coming to university has taught me a lot. I find the environment to be far less mature than my time in college, with desperate cliques being formed. I find it best to not worry about things so much because you'll most likely find the people you click with sooner or later.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm having the same problem, the people I have been friends with for the last two years at college have all suddlenly stopped talking to me, and I get ignored by them. Its probably got something to do with the fact I was friends with someone that NOONE doing the course liked last year. I'm so fed up ofbeing ignored, I'm considereding starting a massive row with the head bitch or getting moved teaching groups.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i can't say i've ever noticed 'cliques' at my university and i've been there for 4 years.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no nor me, though i'm only in my second year. everyone just seems to talk to whoever! or maybe that's just me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    same ere, i haven't been there that long, but from what i've seen everyone just talks to anyone, of course we all have different people who we hang out with more, but we all get on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I found most people in uni to be really friendly. It's one of the only places where you can just talk to strangers and not get a dirty look (the others being a local pub, and a football match). Having said that though, I think that some of the American culture of societies (think any cliched teen movie) has crept over here, with people forming little exclusive groups that you have to fit into or be damned. But to be honest, no-one I hung around with was in any of these groups, so maybe that's where I went right.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just get on with your course, dont bother trying to be nice now theyll just mock you more. Idiots like that dont deserve your attention, leave them be you are there for you not to be popular or be liked. I know you just wanted to get along with them but they dont want that, leave em be.
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