Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

Confused

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi there.

I'm in need of a bit of advice. I have been going out with my boyfriend for just over a year minus 2 months over the summer when he broke up with me. Things were going well until he showed me a message on his phone one day and I noticed that in his list of messages he had loads from another girl. It was the same girl that I had seen a message from last year saying that she would wear a low cut top for him so that he could see her boobs. So, when I saw how many messages there were I was a little concerned. I did a really bad thing and looked through these messages without him knowing. I know it was wrong of me to do it and I did feel guilty but if I had asked him instead he would have denied anything and I wouldn't have got the truth, or he would have accused me of not trusting him. So I looked and there were messages about her telling her parents something and asking my him if it was what he wanted and if he was happy with that, then another one saying she told her parents but her mum now won't talk to her. It sounded to me like she was on about telling her parents that they were going out or she was pregnant or something but I just didn't know. Then the last one I looked at was a picture message of her posing in skimpy, black, lacy lingerie with text underneath saying "make me wet. send..." I didn't read anymore or look at when it was sent because I was in too much shock, disgust and upset. Later that evening once I had calmed down a little I confronted him, he lied, I apologised and confessed I had looked at his phone then the truth started coming out and he said that he hadn't seen this girl since they broke up over a year ago when he came to university but that they had been texting each other. He said nothing had happened whilst we were going out and that it all stopped when we got back together again. A few days later I mentioned it again and he admitted that it had been going on when we were going out before but nothing is happening now and that he has grown up and realised how much I mean to him. He has changed and is putting in so much more effort than before and I am 95% sure that he doesn't contact this girl anymore but I can't stp thinking about it and in some ways I regret staying with him after it because this haunts me so much and its not fair on either of us but I can't imagine not being with him.

Has anyone been in similar situation and if so how did you deal with it/get over it? Anyone got any advice? I would appreciate it a lot. Sorry for the long post. xxx

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmm tough one, but it seems like you have two options.

    You can either believe that he has changed, and try and put what they did behind you and get on with the relationship, or you could knock it on the head and call it a day if you can't trust him. But you can't carry on as you are: together, and still insecure, because in the long run, you won't be happy like that. And if you're only with him because you can't imagine being without him, or being without anyone for a while, they're not the best reasons to be with anyone anyway.

    Sometimes it's best to go with your gut instinct - it's normally right. What's your gut feeling telling you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks, I have had a long time thinking about this now and talked about it with my boyfriend last night. My gut feeling is to stay with him and I have decided to, but I just hope I can learn to trust him soon otherwise we'll never go anywhere.

    Thanks for the advice x
Sign In or Register to comment.