Should I back down?

Former Member

My ex and I broke up towards the end of September, not because things weren't working, but because I was going to uni in October and we'd decided not to try and stay together while I was away. We'd been together for about a year and I got on really really well with his family and he with mine; we both used to say it was like having 2 families. His parents have been having troubles with their relationship for a long time now, and it's been especially hard for his mum as she's constantly looking after his two little brothers and hasn't got a lot of friends to confide in. Well they decided to get a divorce about a week ago and his mum's phoned me 5 or 6 times to chat and get things out of her system; she's really cut up about it especially as she's from quite a religious family and her parents really disapprove of divorces.

My ex found out she'd done this a couple of days ago and completely went off on one at me, saying it was none of my business what his mum was feeling and it was weird for his mother to call his ex about her personal life.

I know he's really stressed at the moment with the divorce, work and trying to keep things light for his little brothers, but I can't help feeling that it was a little unfair. Should I tell his mum I can't support her anymore? Or tell him I'm being there for all of them, as they're all having a hard time? I don't know how much of him snapping was due to stress and irritableness and how much of it was genuine anger at what I was doing.....

Former Member

I agree, it was unfair from him to yell at you this way. I understand he's being upset but I think you should have a discussion with him. I would tell him that it isn't you who called his mother but that she did call you, not the contrary. Hopefully he will understand she needed to talk and he'll understand how unfair it was for you to be treated this way whereas all you wanted to do was help

Former Member

This is a totally understandable reaction from him. No one likes to see their parents split up, and he probably wishes that his mum could confide in him, rather than you as an outsider.

However, his mum obviously needs someone to talk to and it sounds lkike you have been helpful to her as a shoulder to cry on. Whatever your ex feels, you should do as much as you feel able to support his mum.

Maybe you could discuss it with your ex too and explain that it was her that made contact with you and that she wanted to speak to someone outside the family for support. Ask him how he feels about the divorce and if there is anything he would like to talk about too. I'm assuming you two are still on speaking terms?

Former Member

While I can understand why he is probably a bit upset about his mum confiding in you, I think you should continue to support her.

I am still really good friends with my ex's mum, we speak regularly, and I sometimes stay with his family as they are really lovely people. I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all, and would definitely support her through something like that regardless of how my ex felt about it.