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Help Me

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I dont know what to do. I am all over the place right now and think i may possibly have an eating disorder but not sure to what extent.

Why am i even writing on here i dont know. Cos i guess i really do think i have a problem and secretly want someone to know and jsut look after me.

i cant explain it but just now, to give an example, to punish myself for eating a bit of fish and chips (After a weekend of eating not healthily and amounts i dont usually get near) - i smashed the plate up to relieve my tension because i couldnt make myself sick this time and in the process cut my fingers which spurred me into grazing/cutting my stomach with my razor.

i dont know what to do. I cant get out of my routine of exercising and not eating - it doesnt work in my head. I have a pattern of going to the gym and going on runs and when i'm allowed big meals and when i'm not. it scares me that i am so controlling of myself. I know that making myself sick is bad and not good for me but i magae to jusify it when i feel i've eaten too much crap. i cant stop lookinga things in terms of how much fat they contain and how many calories i'm eating a day. i have just had a horrid horrid weekend of eating too many carbohydrates and fatty food and am terrified to weigh myself in the gym tomorrow. I was about 57.5kg on wed and now i'm scared it'll be 60 tomorrow.

thats what weekends away with my friends do to me. i 'let' myself have the weekend off and end up feeling so rotten with myself for not having any will power that i make myself even worse.

NOw i think i eat healthily but really i am not and i eat smallest amounts of food as i can. and i waste so much money on buying biscuits, nibbling one and throwing the rest away to make myself feel beter. for instance i jsut spent £3.50 on fish and chips which i definately threw at least 3/4 of away.
and i'm stressing about not having any money.


i am a complete mess. my life now revolves around my exercise regime and being at university.

if you've read any of my other posts you will probably reaolise i have no proper respect for myself. i have been trying so so s o hard to think positive lately but its like i have two personalities sometiems. Half of me is really really in despair about just being alive and the other half of me is determined not to give up and that something good will happen to me some day. i jsut am havign real trouble believing it. i really really hate myself.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there
    That was a really brave post. It's hard to admit it when things get really bad, and especially difficult to talk about how eating disorders and self harm have become part of your life. But you're not alone and you're certainly not the only person who has felt like this. I know it doesn't feel like it right now but life will get easier and better, but these things take time.

    You don't talk about if there is anything specific that is triggering your eating disorder. Have you been going through anything difficult lately that could be making you feel so low?

    Whatever the answers, you need to find a way to get some support. It sounds like you have a group of friends - can you lean on them for some support? Maybe if they knew what you were going through they could help you out?

    If you're not ready for that kind of step you could try calling a helpline - you could talk to someone anonymously and in confidence. I'd suggest one of these:

    Eating Disorders Association
    Information and help on all aspects of eating disorders including anorexia, bulimia and binge eating. They also have discussion boards and a special helpline for young people.
    Web: www.edauk.com
    Tel: 0845 634 1414
    Email: info@edauk.com

    Saneline
    Offers practical information, crisis care and emotional support to anybody affected by mental health problems.
    Web: www.sane.org.uk
    Tel: 0845 767 8000

    The Bristol Crisis Centre for Women
    They run local support groups for women who injure themselves, and also have a national self-harm helpline for women in distress.
    Tel: 0117 925 1119
    http://www.users.zetnet.co.uk/BCSW/

    You could also send a question in to one of our advisors via our askTheSite service: ask a question here.

    I'm sure there are lots of other people here that have been through similar experiences who can offer better advice than me and would be happy to PM you if it helped.

    Take care - and try and make that step towards getting some support
    :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There's a really supportive community here, you'll be amazed how many of us can relate to what you just said. For one corny moment I think I should say it became a lifeline to me more than once. You can say what you like, you won't be judged. And if you are by some prick, wonder if the opinions behind these anonymous avatars are really worth worrying about?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ive been there too, and occasionally still go there. Youre not alone (if that helps)
    I think eating disorders never go away 100% but you can stop doing it and stop thinking about it as much, and having an eating disorder isnt the only way of staying slim. in fact ive realised its not that efficient a method at all.
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