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Last resort

I'm feeling very embarrassed about posting this. Chances are, several people have posted about this or similar things before, but here goes anyway. Put simply, I'm incredibly shy in the bedroom. I thought that was normal the first time, but oddly, the problem has got worse the more often I do it. This shyness is almost mentally painful. When it comes to foreplay, things usually start out fine. Until I suddenly freeze. There's no obvious reason for it. Not just freezing physically but mentally. My mind goes blank. It's almost as if I stop functioning. This has happened a couple of times now and it's destroying what little confidence I have in bed. And I just don't know what to do about it.

Maybe I'm just ranting, but I don't know where to turn about this. How on earth do you become confident in the bedroom? :(
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tell your partner that you are inexperienced beforehand so that she/he does not build up any expectations .... and don't build up any expectations of yourself either. Ok, so you may cum to quickly .. or not at all .. or he/she may not cum either etc etc .... being a good lover does not happen overnight ... everyone has to start somewhere .... so just try and mentally relax ...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She knows about me being inexperienced. Part of why I worry is she's slept with loads of men. When I mention that, she just says "Danny, I don't compare men to one another. I don't care what size a guy is, nor matter how many women he's bedded before me.". I want to believe her, but a side of me thinks she's just saying that for comfort. Do women compare men with each other sexually? :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote:
    She knows about me being inexperienced. Part of why I worry is she's slept with loads of men. When I mention that, she just says "Danny, I don't compare men to one another. I don't care what size a guy is, nor matter how many women he's bedded before me.". I want to believe her, but a side of me thinks she's just saying that for comfort. Do women compare men with each other sexually? :confused:

    If she felt that way, then why would she stay with you? She obviously loves YOU first and your cock is secondary ...

    Reverse the situation. If you were an experienced man and you were going out with the most fantastic girl, would it bother you that she was inexperienced? Knowing what I do about you from your posts, I really doubt it.

    You're thinking too much and putting too much presure on yourself. Just enjoy what she has to teach you and and try and find out what gets her going ... you'll be fine. ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just a small suggestion, take it as it is.

    When you're all by yourself, either in your own bedroom or the bathroom, just stand completely naked in front of the mirror. If you have a tall mirror this works better, but any mirror will do. Especially right after a shower, just stand there a bit longer after you turn the water off or when you step out.

    There's no rhyme or reason to this excersize, just stand there for a length of time, completely naked.

    If you're already comfortable with your own body... perhaps try it with your partner. Obviously don't say it's an experiment or excersize or whatever, that might weird them out. But see if you can just be naked with them for a certain amount of time, you don't have to actually be doing anything, other than just being there.

    I think it's just a matter of being comfortable with the situation and acceptance.

    When I get nervous about something, anything, and do that mental "freeze" I try to refocus my mind and keep a running dialogue in my head. I look around and think about my environment, what I'm doing at the present time, what others around me are doing. I find that this mental excersize helps me stay focus. I practice the same thing in bed so I don't end up physically freezing up and forget what I was doing. Eventually it just becomes second nature and I don't have to think about it, I just do it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i've only been with two men, but the only way i've compared them is how they have treated me.

    think you will be alot more comfortable with it all when you are not just having sex casually. Sex with someone you love (and within a relationship) is about expression, not poking something in at the right time.

    it's not something you can get from shagging an ex or a one night stand.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    confidence is a funny thing.....

    if you are worried about performance, the more you worry, the more you'll freeze. try to just relax. there are books you can read too, like the lovers guide and stuff.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the advice, I'll bear it in mind.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think you need to relax more rather than just jumping into it so to speak, take your time get intimate, tease eachother - it does wonders ;)
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