PLEASE HELP: Should I transfer?

Former Member

I've been at Kent Uni for about a month, and everything would seem perfect from the outside. I like the Uni, the social life is good, the weather is better than at home, the course seems good, I don't find the work too overbearing and have been lucky with flatmates because most of us are good friends already.

The main problem I have had though, is that I'm so far away from home. I'm originally from around the Liverpool area, and it's roughly 250 miles away. I went home last week and came back on Sunday evening, and my mum (who drove me down) left yesterday to drive back. Before that point, I thought my homesickness was getting better, but on the day we were leaving home to come back to Canterbury I cried on and off all day, and on and off yesterday because I knew my mum was going back home.

All I could think was that I wanted to go home and didn't want to be here anymore, that I haven't adjusted and maybe a place nearer to home would be better for me, because here I talk to my parents mostly every day because I miss them so much. The only snag is, I wouldn't want to disappoint my parents and others by leaving a place that took ages for us to find (because of needs relating to my disability) just because I want to be nearer than 7 hours away.

Should I try and transfer to a Uni that is closer to home?
If so, how would I go about it?

PLEASE HELP

Former Member

Personally I would say that a month is not enough, I would say that you should stick it out for longer.....

Do you know why you are feeling so homesick considering that it sounds like things are going quite well?

Former Member

ah I feel for ya hun. *big hugs* The 1st time you move away from home is daunting and takes time to get used to. The more settled you are at uni the easier ur home sickness will become. There are lots of others in the same position for you. There are guidance counsellors at most universities who will talk through this with you and explore all your options. Don't rush ur decisions and do talk to your parents about how you feel. Take care hun and let us know how u get on

Former Member

I don't know why it's so bad... I never expected it to be. I think I got closer to my family since I chose it as my first choice though, so it's harder to leave them. It feels like I'm counting down the days until I'll be home again, or waiting for the next phone call from home.

I know myself that a month isn't enough, I was going to leave the actual decision 'til Christmas, because apparently they let people into courses in January (although I don't know whether that's just here)

Former Member

hey. i understand where you're coming from, i've jsut started uni in manchester and im originally from cambridge. i think just try and grin and bear it and it'll become easier. well thats what im hopin anyway

Former Member

I did talk to my parents about it, and although they had a lot of questions about it I guess they just want me to be happy. My dad seems to take the idea into consideration, but my mum seems more disappointed and has said that if I want to do that after her taking me all over to look in the first place, I'll have to sort it myself. She's been much harder on me, I think on purpose.

Former Member

In your first post you did put a lot of positive things- you like your course and get on with your flat mates so that has to be a good thing.
I'd definitely give it a little longer to see how you feel. Most people will be feeling exactly how you are to some degree- leaving home and living away from your parents for the first time is a big deal so it's only natural. Talk to people, tell them how you feel. You'll be surprised at just how many are feeling the same and it'll be good to have people around you to support you.
Ultimately, only you know what's going to be best for you. If say, at xmas, you know deep down you're not going to be happy at your uni for the next 3yrs then consider moving to one near home. It's your life- you need to do what makes you happy.
Your parents will want you to do what makes you happy to- don't stay somewhere you're not happy with just because you don't want them to be disappointed in you. They won't be. Im sure they'd be more disappointed and unhappy if they knew you'd stayed somewhere you didn't want to be just to keep them happy.
So, yeah. Try and give it a little longer, you need time to adjust and settle in. And talk to people around you about how you feel too.

Former Member

You're probably going to be homesick anywhere, unless it's practically on your doorstep. My advice would be to try and stick it out, because it will get better with time. Concentrate on the good things about being at Uni, like hanging out with your friends. Though it's nice to talk to your family, phoning them every day, all the time, will only mean that they're always on your mind. I'm not saying you need to learn to forget, just that it will get better and you need to focus on your course and cherish the time you have with your family, not miss it all the time.

Live every moment to it's fullest, etc. etc.

Former Member

Do the first term at least.

A friend of mine quit Oxford after a term, for various reasons. If you feel absolutely certain at Christmas then make the decision. Until then make some friends, do some work and take a trip up to London while you're in the vicinity. Canterbury's nice.

Former Member

Give it more time, one month is not enough.

Former Member

Give it more time. Moving away from home and having to be independent for the first time is daunting and scary and your feelings are only natural. Just about everyone there will be feeling the same way. You'll never stop missing home in some ways, just those times you want spoiling when your not feeling great, or someone to talk to when things go wrong that you can trust. But you will learn to love the freedom and independence in time. Just throw yourself into making friends, keeping busy and enjoying the social life and you should start to feel better about being away from home.

Former Member

Short answer: no.

Long answer: no. You've only been there about four minutes. Homesickness is normal and common, and fades soon enough.

Former Member

No, definately not, you dont know how good you have it, Kent Uni has a bloody excellent campus and Canterbury itself is a groovy little town, stick with it.

Former Member

i say you should stick it out until christmas.. and if, by that point the homesickness has not gone away then maybe then you should think about packing in.

i just started my first year at uni about a month ago too and before i arrived i was extreeemely worried about me being homesick (i live in the isle of man and im currently at uni in cardiff - maybe the same distance away from home as you are! if not more!)
fortunately ive been landed with the best flatmates i could have asked for and ive been out socialising quite a bit so i have not really had time to think about home!
if i were you id tend to focus on the good time youre having and not what youre missing at home. if you spend your time missing people then your time at uni is just going to get worse!

Former Member

You've got to leave home at some point, Uni is as good as you will get it, you move away yet you dont have the stupid adult worries that come with a job and a proper flat/etc.

Former Member

you would still be home sick, unless you went to the uni in your home town! and u probably wouldnt get accomodation if you lived that close, so u would have to live at home! Therefore missing out on all the fun things that come with living in halls!

i live 4/5 hours away from my home and most of my friends who live an hour away see their family as much as i do,(just at holidays) and are just as home sick as i am! sometimes its just not practical to go home, even if its close! stick it out a little longer!

you said you have good friends! i wouldnt chance moving somewhere else and having to make friends all over again because everyone will have their friendship groups by then, making it harder for you to fit in!

Count youself lucky that you get on with your flatmates. some of my friends hate theirs and feel more home sick because of it! tell your friends how you feel. i bet they will all tell you they feel exactly the same and then you can all support each other!

stick it out a little longer! if you REALLY feel unhappy by christamas then you will know in your heart to go home! but if you only feel a little homesick its completely normal and should fade sooner or later!

good luck chick! hope all goes well!

Former Member

Hey,
I can completely understand how you feel.
I stuck it out at uni for two years, but then I had to learn that I had to do what made me happy, I think its worth you trying a little bit longer, but theres no harm in looking at your options for transfering.Talk to a guidance councellor, or I spoke to a tutor who I really respected.
Whatever you do, dont stay there just because you feel you are letting everyone down if you transfer, if your parents are anything like mine, they will forget to tell you that they do really just want you to be happy. My mum has finally understood my decision, but she didnt until I had left and she saw such a massive change in my happiness, they will understand and respect your decision, even if its not at first!

As to the people who tell you to stay at canterbury because its a nice town, you dont have to agree! I went to uni there and i much prefer visiting it to living there. I hated living there!

Anyway, from someone who has been in a very close decision, who had a great course, lovely friends, housemates etc, my advice is to follow YOUR heart, I hope it goes ok!