Young Carers of The Mix, we need you! Tell us about your experiences of our services and give yourself a chance to win £50 of Amazon vouchers.

Giving but not receiving

2»

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how much u care about getting yours!

    Not that much, I just didn't want a one way relatoinship.

    So to answer my question as to whether it is unreasonable for me to stop doing it to her, your answer is yes it is?

    From what I can make out from this, most people are of the opinion that I should continue giving her oral even though I don't like it and she would never do it for me.

    I honestly thought I wasn't being too unreasonable wanting to stop giving her oral, but as many of you think it is, i'm starting to think maybe it is wrong of me to want to stop. So, for the time being at least, I will continue to do it for her.

    Thanks for your opinions everyone. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    red_jelly wrote:

    So to answer my question as to whether it is unreasonable for me to stop doing it to her, your answer is yes it is?

    if you love her, you will want her to be pleased, regardless of if you get yours.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This whole "if you love your girlfriend you should please her regardless of whether or not you get what you want" thing sounds nice in theory but it's not very realistic. The reality is that if you found yourself in an inequitable relationship like this then I'm sure you would feel the same too. I'm not saying people only do things to get something in return, not at all, but I think eventually you're going to feel a bit pissed off if you NEVER, even after one year, get anything back in return as seems to be the case here even though you give and give and give.

    I wonder what this thread would be like if we were talking about something other than sex. If a girl came on here saying something along the lines of "me and my boyfriend live together, I have to buy all the shopping, cook all the meals and clean the house and he does nothing in return" then no way all you people would be saying that if you love him it should be worth it. I know this is a bit of an extreme example, but sex is pretty important in a relationship and in sex, like everything else in a relationship, there should at least be some degree of equity.

    Basically, just stopping going down on her isn't going to help. This clearly bothers you (and fair enough in my opinion) so you need to have a proper discussion about it and tell her what you feel. Maybe she doesn't realise that it bothers you? If you make it clear to her it does, and she still doesn't even make the slightest bit of effort to do something for you then I find it pretty strange.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sephiroth wrote:
    If a girl came on here saying something along the lines of "me and my boyfriend live together, I have to buy all the shopping, cook all the meals and clean the house and he does nothing in return" then no way all you people would be saying that if you love him it should be worth it.

    That's actaully very true. :chin:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if you love her, you will want her to be pleased, regardless of if you get yours.
    Sorry but this is bullshit cos it could be said exactly the other way round "If she loves him, she will want him to be pleased" and he's clearly not pleased so does this mean she doesn't love him??
    I hate these double standards off lasses, really does my nut in.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry but this is bullshit cos it could be said exactly the other way round "If she loves him, she will want him to be pleased" and he's clearly not pleased so does this mean she doesn't love him??
    I hate these double standards off lasses, really does my nut in.


    so you're saying that you know me do you? you're saying that if i did it all for my boyfriend and he gave me nothing i wouldnt love him?! you dont know anything about me, my relationship is about love, not sex!

    and dont tell me im using double standards, im not, you're the one who brought it up!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sephiroth wrote:
    I wonder what this thread would be like if we were talking about something other than sex. If a girl came on here saying something along the lines of "me and my boyfriend live together, I have to buy all the shopping, cook all the meals and clean the house and he does nothing in return" then no way all you people would be saying that if you love him it should be worth it.

    that has got nothing to do with the original question though! if it was about that then either leave or tell him he has to pitch in or you'll leave/it wont get done/watever. this is nothing to do with that!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Since when has "fair" been an issue.

    If you are expecting something in return then you have the relationship all wrong. You give because it pleases her, not because it means you get a blow job.

    If she doesn't want to blow you then tough. Don't pressure her into doing something because she'll only resent you for it.


    he said he dont lik doing it but hes willing to do it to please her, its jsut she doesnt have the same attitude

    its about compromise, he needs to seriously talk to her about it as shes taking the piss a bit
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if you love her, you will want her to be pleased, regardless of if you get yours.


    hypocracy that is, so he's expected to do something which he could live without doing, when she does the same its fine :s

    this guy seems extremely reasonable, and seems to care a lot for her feelings its just getting to him that their sexual relationship is very one-way - he needs to talk to her, and she seems to not very willing talk about things, so shes taking the piss out of his kindness in terms of communicating with eachother


    my advice is try to talk to her, so at least even if hse dont want to still you understand why she dont want to do it - and if youre unable to talk to her, withhold from the sex :D you hands can do wonders, remember ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you both need to talk about it together. Its best if you dont bring it up while you are being intimate. She may well have given oral to previous partners but may not be confident with you for a reason. It might help if you perhaps ask her to just gently lick and stroke it for a bit but without the pressure to make you orgasm, if she goes for it tell her when it feels good and communicate, if she decides to stop dont pressurise her. Perhaps buy a book that specifically helps couples in the bedroom I havent read it but Tracey Cox has a book out called supersex perhaps something along those lines could help. If you explain that you would like to work at ensuring you are both pleasing each other it might help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I think it sounds a bit unfair that always giving but shes not even willing to TRY :eek2:

    If she just tried, ya never know... she could actually really enjoy giving it! Especially if she can hear how much your getting off on it.

    So yeah, as other people have said... you should just talk to her in a nice manner about it... she might start to consider it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    so you're saying that you know me do you? you're saying that if i did it all for my boyfriend and he gave me nothing i wouldnt love him?! you dont know anything about me, my relationship is about love, not sex!

    and dont tell me im using double standards, im not, you're the one who brought it up!
    Never said I knew you or knew anything about your relationship. We are not talking about you, we're talking about this lad.
    You said "if you love her, you will want her to be pleased, regardless of if you get yours.". But If she loved him, she'd want him to be pleased aswell and he's not pleased so basically your saying she doesn't love him. Which as I said before is a bullshit comment. Nothing to do with you or your boyfriend, just your comment, ok?? Wheresmyplacebo explained it a little better.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had the exact same problem with a selfish bastard I once went out with. So I simply told him I wasn't going down on him again till he gave me head first.
    Needless to say, I never had to suck him off again. :rolleyes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Johonne wrote:
    I had the exact same problem with a selfish bastard I once went out with. So I simply told him I wasn't going down on him again till he gave me head first.
    Needless to say, I never had to suck him off again. :rolleyes:

    That sounds quite different. Here the girl has done it before and has said she was going to try. If in your case the guy just point blank didn't want to do it then he is hardly a selfish bastard. Unless of course girls have the right to pressure guys into doing whatever they want or they become selfish bastards.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That sounds quite different. Here the girl has done it before and has said she was going to try. If in your case the guy just point blank didn't want to do it then he is hardly a selfish bastard. Unless of course girls have the right to pressure guys into doing whatever they want or they become selfish bastards.

    I didn't pressurise him as such, I just saw no reason as to why I should do something when the favour was never returned.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So if he had given you head first you would be obliged to suck him off even if you didn't want to?

    To go more extreme if he licked your arse then you would have to lick his?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just thought i'd let you guys know, since first starting this post I had been deciding what to do and during that time I wasn't giving her oral, so all in all about four weeks went by with her not getting any (not because I was intentionally not doing it, but I still hadn't decided what to do yet/how to approach her). Anyway, she went down on me the other day. I didn't ask for it, and haven't mentioned it for months. I'd even come to the decision that I was probably going to just carry on giving it to her anyway.

    So now it seems like the problem has sorted itself out. The experience wasn't the best (both times she tried, although of course I told her she was great at it) but she tried and that's what counts. And needless to say I have gone back to giving her oral.

    Thanks to everyone who gave their opinions and advice. :)
Sign In or Register to comment.