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Hmm I have a dilema...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
...well, when i first met this guy (now my bf) i thought he was FINE. and he is. all my friends thought he was fit, so when he started texting me we all got really excited. we went out on a date and all was good...until we started going out. i'm only 17 but i've had a long term relationship before for a year and a half which ended up in a disaster, and my now bf has never had a gf. he had never kissed anyone before and was all excited about getting a girlfriend. his mum and my mum used to be best friends when they were at secondary school and were delighted when they found out we were going out. so we've been going out nearly 3 months and he's starting to drive me mad. he's always texting me telling me how much he loves me and how much he wants to see me, altho i have college all day everyday and work most of the weekends, he knows i dont have that much free time. he's always buying me really expensive gifts, which are lovely, but it all just gets abit much for me. he's becoming too clingy and i find myself being really mean to him even though i dont mean to. i dont know how to tell him that he's being to clingy and that its driving me mad. also, he doesnt drink alcohol at all, which is repect but, because i like to have a drink with my friends, i always end up feeling guilty about having him sat there being bored. he doesnt like it that i see my friends in most of my spare time, but they are the best friends i have ever had and really enjoy their company, and no one will make me loose them. so really, i just dont know how to tell him to back off, because if i dont one i day i know i will end up shouting at him and saying things i regret. so, any ideas on how to bring it up? any help would be greatly appreciated :) xxx

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds as if you don't want to be in a relationship at all tbh. You remind me of how I felt when I was 16 and the guy I fancied asked me out, it was all good but turned out he was far more interested in staying in and cozying up while I wanted to see friends. It ended badly but probably for the best, because since we broke up he started going out alot more and enjoying what life had to offer.

    If you're worried about how to bring it up - just say it the next time he rings you at an ackward time,
    "listen Billy, I do appreciate the odd phonecall but you're kind of tearing the arse out of it now."

    That probably didn't help at all but it's all I can sort of offer without knowing more :blush:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmm a difficult one. Its not a nice feeling feeling suffocated in a relationship. You just have to tell him the truth without being too harsh. Thing is, if you don't say anything like soon, you will explode and it wont be nice, so while you are in the "mode" just sit him down and say how you feel and what you want to change etc.

    Btw, what star-sign is he?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he's a sagittarius and so am i!! why?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im a saggi too.... hmm, was just wondering. Saggi men aren't really clingy. He must really like you!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    please. zodiac signs??? load of crap. horoscopes play on the generalisation of people and behaviour. you need to open your eyes so you can smell the coffee.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    please. zodiac signs??? load of crap. horoscopes play on the generalisation of people and behaviour. you need to open your eyes so you can smell the coffee.


    You must be a Leo then :p

    It was only a little joke/fun. No need to go all deep on us!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im a Virgo. But Im a day or two from a Leo. and I was born under mars and m&ms.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you really have the guts, send this thread to him in first person. Might teach him something :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds as if you don't want to be in a relationship at all tbh.

    I'd agree with this.

    I don't think it's fair for either of you. He's obviously looking for a serious relationship and you're not. He's not getting what he wants and neither are you. It might be best for both of you to go your separate ways here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some get relationship and ownership, control and possessiveness mixed up. I believe it is insecurity that is surfacing. You have to conclude (which you apparently ahve) if it is acceptable to you. It is also a vision into the future with a person that is possessive.You have several choices in my opinion. a. discuss it directly and clearly with him and demand that he change or its over b. accept it and live with it but gear up for a rough road ahead c. get out of the relationship

    IT is my opinion that a healthy relationship must not be about ownership or control but about trust within the relationship to fluorish as an individual.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Basically he sounds very insecure, buying expensive gifts to bribe you into liking him, calling all the time to make sure you're still breathing. All the hallmarks of an insecure wuss. He's definitely not looking for a serious long-term relationship, but he's probably just trying to hold on for as long as possible as you're his first. So you should tell him to shape up and be more confident with himself, or tell him to google david deangelo and learn exactly what he's doing wrong. Failing that, this relationship isn't doing either of you any good, so you should get out if he doesn't learn fast.
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