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Gay ?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
how do you know if your gay , what are the main signs .
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good question - pressure from society to conform can mask the more obvious signs.

    Music collection:
    Does it contain muic by Natash Bedingfield, the Spice girls, Cher, or Gloria Gaynor?
    Many gay men enjoy listening to songs by women with resonant voices. They probably also like music by men with big voices, but you don't get that in the charts.

    Does it contain music by George Michael, Robie Williams, Marc Almond?
    Many gay men pick up on subtle signals from other gay men ("gaydar"), which makes them seem more interesting, and causes them to buy the records even though they are shit.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Relationships
    Are you waiting for the right woman?
    Many gay men explain their lack of interest in women in general with this excuse.
    As a sub category, some gay men back this up by taking a religious stance, and often become the more shouty advocates of "no sex before marriage" - they've convinced themselves that their lack of interest is due to strong religious belief, and get very nervous when this "normal" behavior isn't followed by their peers. If this delusion persists - say into the mid twenties, they may decide the failure to find "the right woman" is a sign of thier calling to a higher duty, and enter the priesthood. This would be quite sad, except a lot of them find what they are looking for....

    Do you find fancy your mates' girlfriends?
    A very clever subconcious trick - having no critera to the attractiveness of women, you let people who know do the thinking for you. The best part is - they're already taken, so it's quite safe: you can tell your other mates you fancy her, but wouldn't do anything cos she's your mate's - they accept you as a lad, and respect your morals. Even if it does get back to her, and she's interested, you have the "you are/were my mate's girlfriend, I couldn't and wouldn't betray him like that". As a side note, if you find yourself finding one particular mate's girlfriends more attractive than others, you may wish to engineer/avoid situations where you and he are alone with large amounts of alcohol

    Do you go for the "pug-ugly" ones?
    A particular favorite of mine. You find the mental side of a relationship more stimulating than the physical side. well duh - anything is more than nothing! It also gives you a damn good excuse for youself when you don't get. horny around them. Also gives a good get out if she starts getting too pushy "My love, we don't see eye-to-eye on the socio-political aspects of the russian involvement in the Congo, I don't think this relationship is going anywhere. I'm sorry; it's not you, it's me...." - Her relationship defense will be "I don't care about the Congo" and your trump is "I know, that's what I mean."
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lol i saw a battyman in soho watching some guys arses lol :no:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wow the term "battyman" is really politically correct.

    Way to go.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tom Da Don wrote:
    lol i saw a battyman in soho watching some guys arses lol :no:
    Yes, I guess taking in an interest in who is scoping other guys, and hence might be a potential partner, could be a sign
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Homophobia
    Do you use knowing use derogatory terms about other gay men?
    Do you (want to) punish other gay men?
    Some gay men, not understanding the urges within themselves, surpress them and/or find them frightening. They may frightened by others who follow those urges, or outraged that the gay man is enjoying themselves, when they themselves are "rightly" denying themselves this comfort.

    Do you find portrayals of gay sexual activity - such as a kiss - immediately and overwhelmingly disgusting?
    This may well be down to a race between you synaptic conscious trying to stop your glandular beast before it gets going.

    Do you seem to tell a lot of jokes about gay men, and gay sexual practices?
    Perhaps you like thinking and particularly talking about them, and this is a way you find socially acceptable?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sex
    Do you enjoy masturbation a lot?
    Gay guys get it really lucky - not only do they have the pleasure of having their shaft stimulated, they get to play with a cock while its happening.

    Have you sucked you own dick more than once?
    men can be divided into two types. Those that admit they have tried to commit autofellatio, and those that lie about it. However, for those that can manage it, its pretty uncomfortable, so you really have to have the dual benefits of both being sucked and performing the spit-shining of a firemans helmet.

    Do you fear vagina dentata?
    that's normal - gay or straight.

    On closer inspection, are your fantasies gay?
    People can come up with some real weird shit, and believe it to be "normal" when it, if examined under the cruel light of day, might suggest they are not as straight as they think they are - some examples: 1) you find it easier to fantasise about being sucked or doing 'her' arse than the baby-making way; 2) She turns into your best mate, and you carry on; 3) She suddenly grows a huge dick and starts to do you and you come like you've never come before.

    When a girl needs to crash in your halls of residence, and chooses your room do you manage to spend a whole night with two of you in a single bed being a perfect gentleman? (what your mother would describe as perfect, not the girl!).
    OK, this asort of thing might not happen to everyone - although it seems to happen more to gay men than straight, but assuming you have a relatively healthy sex drive, to fail to take the opportunites offered might be indicative of homosexuality.

    Have you talked a woman into letting you go down on her, then realised something was missing when you got there?
    This kinda speaks for itself, but when it happened to one person it didn't set of any warning bells, so I mention it for you here.

    Do you find it difficult to obtain/impossible to maintain an erection while attempting penatrative sex with a woman?
    Personally, I found this one to be the one that forced a re-evaluation. Yes this can be explained by stage fright, medical issues, and so on; however never having had any issues with all the lads I'd been with spoke against those explanations.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tom Da Don wrote:
    how do you know if your gay , what are the main signs .
    i would say that the main one would be being attracted to the same sex!!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mel-H wrote:
    i would say that the main one would be being attracted to the same sex!!!!

    Agreed, wanting to have sex with other men is a sure giveaway
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Char_Baby wrote:
    Agreed, wanting to have sex with other men is a sure giveaway
    you'd think. But what if you havn't noticed that you want to have sex with men?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wanting to do a guys arse...or wanting your arse done by a guy!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you'd think. But what if you havn't noticed that you want to have sex with men?

    Then you're not sure what you are yet
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tom Da Don wrote:
    how do you know if your gay , what are the main signs .


    That you have sexual feelings only towards the same sex, i'd have thought THAT was pretty obvious..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    turlough wrote:
    Then you're not sure what you are yet
    Actually I was more along the lines that you only notice you want something when you don't have it...

    Seriously, I know several other people who didn't realise for a loooong time they were gay, despite it being obvious when you actually think about it.

    "Mum, I'm gay"
    "Yes son, I've known for years"
    "WHAT! why the hell didn't you tell me, I've only just worked it out"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    satehen wrote:
    That you have sexual feelings only towards the same sex, i'd have thought THAT was pretty obvious..
    I know things have improved, but I was taught by the state and my peers that men don't have sexual feelings towards men. Logic (as a result of this faulty axiom) tells you that what you feel towards other men is not sexual, so you explain it to yourself in a whole host of ways. Later, when you come to consider the question "Am I gay", you think if you feel anything sexual for other men - and the answer is no - because you've already explained away all the sexual stuff.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you think your gay then?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no i dont think im gay becasue i love girls . Looking at the asses . I get turned on by porn . I love them as in person . I am going out with a girl now as it is . But its just when i was sleeping with a girl once i never got hard and its always fucked with me since.

    I mean the fact she wasnt naked probably didnt help . It mite be puberty i dunno but beleve me i love girls . I have cried before when a girl broke my heart .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tom Da Don wrote:
    lol i saw a battyman in soho watching some guys arses lol :no:

    I saw a sex shop in Soho, I was most surprised.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Actually I was more along the lines that you only notice you want something when you don't have it...

    Seriously, I know several other people who didn't realise for a loooong time they were gay, despite it being obvious when you actually think about it.

    "Mum, I'm gay"
    "Yes son, I've known for years"
    "WHAT! why the hell didn't you tell me, I've only just worked it out"

    How can you not know if you're gay, straight or bi? You look at someone on the street and either find them sexually attractive or not surely? Can't you tell your orientation by what you wank over?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    How can you not know if you're gay, straight or bi? You look at someone on the street and either find them sexually attractive or not surely? Can't you tell your orientation by what you wank over?


    that's so stupid! can you not find someone of the same sex attractive and not want to screw them? or even want to screw them and not be gay or bi? i know there are girls where in the past i have thought if the chance ever arose i would have a threesome with that girl but i'm not bi. i just think society is a lot more accepting of wanting to do stuff with members of the same sex. i know im gonna settle down with a bloke but that dusnt rule out experimentation. i think part of it is as well that lesbians turn guys on and itd be cool to turn my man on like that. meh but gay guys rnt a turn on for girls. unless of course you're part of that whole crappy scene that goes by the name emo.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tom Da Don wrote:
    But its just when i was sleeping with a girl once i never got hard and its always fucked with me since.
    you're obviously gay then :rolleyes:
    not being able to get an erection happens. its normal, sometimes if you are stressed that can cause it.
    but unless you like other guys in that way - you're not gay.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tom Da Don wrote:
    no i dont think im gay becasue i love girls . Looking at the asses . I get turned on by porn . I love them as in person . I am going out with a girl now as it is . But its just when i was sleeping with a girl once i never got hard and its always fucked with me since.

    I mean the fact she wasnt naked probably didnt help . It mite be puberty i dunno but beleve me i love girls . I have cried before when a girl broke my heart .

    You protesteth too much ...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    How can you not know if you're gay, straight or bi?
    If I were bi, I would think I were straight. I might finally work it out in another 10-20 years time, but I doubt it.
    [/quote]
    You look at someone on the street and either find them sexually attractive or not surely?
    indeed - but you've already learnt that men only find women sexually attractive, so you don't think of what you feel as being sexual attraction - you call it admiration or respect. So you get aroused - but you've often got aroused when you admirte and respect someone, so thats just one of your quirks.
    Can't you tell your orientation by what you wank over?
    Come on, isn't it perfectly normal to think about playing with a dick while you're playing with your dick? Keep your mind on the job in hand. What's gay about that?

    The problem is, everyone thinks that they are normal. So they build a model of the world that tracks how others are different. For most things this works - except the stuff you can't see. football fans often think that people who say the don't like football do really, and are just saying it, or obviously haven't watched a match, or had it explained to them. Same with favorite music, same with soap fans.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    but gay guys rnt a turn on for girls. unless of course you're part of that whole crappy scene that goes by the name emo.
    they may not be a turn on for you, but you illustrate my point here by assuming the same is the case for all girls.
    I personally have had 3 women tell me they find it very sexy, two of who I shared a house with. Neither of who are goth, let alone emo.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    but i dont want to be gay , i love girls . I really do . But its just that one ocassion i dont know if its normal but it has fucking fucked wid me since.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tom Da Don wrote:
    but i dont want to be gay , i love girls . I really do . But its just that one ocassion i dont know if its normal but it has fucking fucked wid me since.

    I wouldnt worry if i was you, chances are you have just been nervous about sleeping with the girl and thats why you couldnt get hard. Perhaps if you were to go out with a girl and take things slowly before going straight to sex, get to know each other and generally do foreplay with each other for a while. Your first time is always going to be scary, even if you feel ready for it.

    Try not to put so much pressure on yourself and simply take things slowly, the fact that you are so worried about being able to perform is probably whats stopping you from getting hard.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why do gay people have that weird accent ? :chin:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tom Da Don wrote:
    why do gay people have that weird accent ? :chin:
    What weird accent?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tom Da Don wrote:
    But its just when i was sleeping with a girl once i never got hard and its always fucked with me since.

    I mean the fact she wasnt naked probably didnt help . It mite be puberty i dunno but beleve me i love girls . I have cried before when a girl broke my heart .


    Well obviously that means your gay! You once failed to get an errection and you cried when a girl broke your heart! Toss out your CD's and start a new collection of Shirley Bassey, Queen and The Village People! Man if only my own sexuality was that easy to come to terms with, it would have saved me a long time of uncertainty. Hmmm maybe i should write a book "How to know if your a batty man" what do you think? :chin:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    indeed - but you've already learnt that men only find women sexually attractive, so you don't think of what you feel as being sexual attraction - you call it admiration or respect. So you get aroused - but you've often got aroused when you admirte and respect someone, so thats just one of your quirks.


    Errr...there's considerable difference between admiration/respect and wanting to have sex with someone :confused:

    I don't find respect or admiration in any way arousing...
    Come on, isn't it perfectly normal to think about playing with a dick while you're playing with your dick? Keep your mind on the job in hand. What's gay about that?

    Eh? My point is you can surely tell orientation by what gets you off - whatever you wank over. Women, men, whatever. I'm not sure what you're getting at?
    The problem is, everyone thinks that they are normal. So they build a model of the world that tracks how others are different. For most things this works - except the stuff you can't see. football fans often think that people who say the don't like football do really, and are just saying it, or obviously haven't watched a match, or had it explained to them. Same with favorite music, same with soap fans.

    People do construct models as you say, but realising tastes are specific to individuals isn't a difficult realisation to reach.
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