Who should say 'I love you' first?

Former Member

I just checked the front page poll and 38% of people said that the guy should say "I love you" first. This seems kinda silly as the poll also says "If it's love it doesn't matter who says it first", which is true. Why should the guy say it first? What does it matter who says it first?

Former Member

it doesn't really matter, i don't think. but i guess the traditional view is that men say it first...likewise they ask for their partners hand in marriage. personally, i don't think it matters who says it first..you say it when you're ready.

Former Member

it doesn't matter who says it first, but i think a lot of girls like the guys to say it first in case they say it too soon and he thinks they are some kind of crazy bunny boiler.

or is that just me ¬_¬

Former Member

kaffrin wrote:

or is that just me ¬_¬

nope, i think that's the general case. lads seem to be more commitment-phobe than girls so maybe that's why.

Former Member

Doesn't matter at all.

Former Member

Doesn't matter who says it first, after all people do fall in love at different times anyway...what matters is that it's meant when it's said.

*note to self not to send text messages when very drunk though telling her guy she loves him*

Former Member

http://vbulletin.thesite.org.uk/showthread.php?t=88021

Just some more thoughts . But as a guy, I don't like surprises and like to take charge in the relationship, cos at least I know where it's going. Same with proposing, I wouldn't like to think the girl would propose to me, because I'd be off guard and scared. At my own pace in my own time etc.

It's all just a facade really though, at the end of the day if you love someone it doesn't matter at all.

Former Member

Well im one of the unfortunate people who falls in love way too easily..I keep it bottled up for ages..when they say it..I feel more relieved..so I like to hear it from the girl first!

Former Member

I really dont think it matters who says it first, as long as its meant. I knew my bloke meant it when he first told me, cos he phoned me at 3am to tell me, yes he may have been rather drunk, but he says what he means when he's drunk... He then phoned me back in the morning to apologise for waking me up, and also to say that he meant what he said... bless...

Former Member

Kazbo wrote:

Doesn't matter who says it first, after all people do fall in love at different times anyway...what matters is that it's meant when it's said.

*note to self not to send text messages when very drunk though telling her guy she loves him*

i agree with this.. i should have made a mental note not to send text messages when very drunk telling my "friend" how horrible he is ( of course i didn't mean it but i was hurting at the time and we haven't spoken since...arg!

<---- so confused about that - so wish it didn't happen :banghead:

Former Member

I said it first with my wife, no-one else. I dont think it should matter, mostly its the girls who say it first but my wife was stubborn as hell!

Former Member

Who ever feels it first? Or when they decide the time is right to say. Although i don't think i would say it, if i didn't think there was a chance that they might say it back.

Former Member

In my previous relationship, I said it first. I just said it before I'd thought about it. She looked at me, I suddenly go "uh oh" before she blushes and says "aww, I love you too!". Close one!

Former Member

I remember when my boyfriend first said he loved me, i was tripping out from lack of sleep after staying awake for 3 days :crazyeyes i thought "how can anyone love me when i look like this?" :eek2: lol
~XXX~

Former Member

Previous boyfriends have always been the first to tell me that they love me.I told my current boyfriend i loved him befor he told me.
I dunno i agree with above posters there is some sense of security having the guy telling your first because men do tend to be rather phobic about that kinda thing.
However when it comes to marriage i fully intend my then boyfriend to pop the question to me and NOT the other way round.Im just a bit old fashioned that way.

Former Member

Totally!

Former Member

it all goes downhill from there.

Former Member

The social stereotype is that girls will fall in love easily, and get all gooey really quickly, whereas lads will be the typical male commitment-phobe. Therefore if the man says it first it is more "genuine" and "real", and it isn't the insane rantings of some bunny-boiling teddy-molesting teeny girl.

I think it does matter who says it first, because of this. It shouldn't matter, but I think a man saying he loves someone is more of a big deal than a girl saying it.

Former Member

I admit that I was told first- some 3 or 4 weeks into the relationship and it put me totally off guard. I dont think i've sat there for so long with my mouth open ever. Yes it scared me as well. (mind you she used to tell me this when she got drunk b4 we went out). I guess I felt obligated to say it back back I genuinely started feeling it a few months later and we're coming up to 3 years. God knows when the right time to say it is. I think I told anther gf after 3months when I was 16 and I honestly didnt feel true love, I dont know what made me say it then

Former Member

With my ex if we'd got that far I think it would have been him who said it first. He was very gushy and it just made me want to vom. lol. tbh i don't think it matters. I wouldnt be offended if I told someone i loved them and they didnt reply with the same. obvy as long as they didnt laugh or say anything cruel.all in your own time.