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When You Have Kids .. What Will You Do Differently?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
When you have kids (or already have some), what do you intend to do differently in bringing them up to how your parents brought you up?
I think just doing something special with each child is nice, like go fishing, or spend time with them kicking a football around a park and know enough about each one so you can buy them a present on their Birthday that you know they'd love rather then simply stick a few bank notes in a card because you have no idea of the things that interest them.
I think just doing something special with each child is nice, like go fishing, or spend time with them kicking a football around a park and know enough about each one so you can buy them a present on their Birthday that you know they'd love rather then simply stick a few bank notes in a card because you have no idea of the things that interest them.
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Reading that makes me sad, because to be honest I don't think I would do much differently. Not to sound happy clappy or anything, but I have had a really good upbringing. I've never wanted for anything, and my parents have always been supportive in everything I've done. In all honesty, I would want to bring up my children the way that I was brought up, because I've always felt loved and very secure in my family and that is the way I would want my children to be brought up
Just makes me realise how lucky me and my brothers and sisters have been really.
My parents raised us well though, neither smoke or drink because most of the family are either alcos, druggies or crack whores. :impissed:
Unfortunately the same upbringing hasn't made my brother into a well rounded and civilisaed individual so I suppose that shows that the way you are isn't just reflective of how you were brought up.
It'll probably turn out totally different to that, but ho hum.
and to the person who remarked about the step-parent, why not? i have the best step-dad i could ever wish for and he's by no means done me any harm. the opposite infact.
I also think I'll be quite an impatient parent. My mum doesn't yell or take notice of anything. She's like in a world of her own.
and i'd make sure my kids wont be spoilt little cheeky brats, i'd dicipline them....programmes like supernanny make you more determined not to let your kids get like that i think
my parents aren't perfect, no one is, but they've muddled along and done a pretty good job of raising us. i'm not going to say that i'd never do this, that or the other, because it's not as easy as that, and i probably will fuck up a few times.
the only thing i will make sure of is that my kids get enough affection from both parents. my mum is very affectionate, but my dad is as cold as a fish. he shows his affection in funny ways (helping with stuff, lending money, giving practical advice on stuff like money and DIY) but i don't remember him ever saying anything loving, or even vaguely complimentary (he's not mean though, either!) and i remember him hugging me once since i was about 4, and then only cause my mum made him.
now i can see that he does stuff like wallpaper my lounge cause he cares, but it's a lot harder to see when you're younger.
Another would be to let them know there is little that could make me ashamed of them, and there is nothing too far fetched that I wouldn't understand or that I would make their life difficult about. During my times of depression and SH, I turned to no one, and I would want my kid to know that they can always turn to me regardless.
Also kids are difficult even now so even thinking about how society is gonna change in another 10 years.........well lets say i dont even know if ill bother! lol
:crying: It's quite sad how many people posting here have said their parents have never told them that they loved them
Do they use the word Love when they write you a Birthday card?
Sorry, missed this question until Fiend quoted it. Because I've had a pretty horrendous time with mine. My mum's husband made me teenage life pretty hellish, and has left me incredibly bitter and angry. I'm also still angry with my mum for letting it happen. My stepmum is lovely and I get on well with her, but it took a long time to get to this place in our relationship. I am still angry and sad about my parents divorce (when I was 10, 13 years ago) but I am more sad and angry about the situation with my step-parents. I feel you have such a responsibility to your children... they don't get another childhood, and I would not want to make my children feel the way I have done; that they and their happiness have been put aside to make way for my love life. The way I see it is that I will have plenty of time to meet someone after they have finished growing up; they, however, don't get another chance at their childhood. I would rather we were all happy overall than risk their happiness for the sake of mine.
I am completely aware that this is my own viewpoint, and I certainly don't look down on anyone who does remarry if they have children. I do believe that it can work out really well a lot of the time. I have just been deeply affected by my experiences, and couldn't make the same choices my mum did.
But when I do have kids, i'll try my best to make sure they have all they need, are happy where they live, with their school , and generally with everything, and of course try not to divorce as so many people are today in the world!
I would also make sure they have a good education and make sure they are healthy (by not eating rubbish). I would always put my children first.