Your partners previous sexual partners - Does it bother you ??

Former Member

Hello all.
I am seeking your opinions on the subject of your girlfriend/boyfriends previous sexual partners. Im wondering does it / would it put you off know how many partners they have had?
Im asking becuase of my situation which is that i have been going out with a girl for about 10 months now, but every now and again i think of her partners. I havent really asked her before, but when we first started going out i remember her saying, i think she said ' Your my 16th ' ..... obviously that made me think woah 16th sexual partner !? she is 25 and was in a relationship for over 3 years at one point. The break between her last bf and me was about 2 years which makes me think she either started having sex when she was really young, or slept around between going out with her ex and the relationship she is in now.
What do you think ? should i stop being like this and thinking about it ? am i being silly ?

Former Member

youre being silly.

Former Member

No, you're not being silly as long as you don't let it effect your relationship with her. What's in the past is in the past and if you like/love her now then that should be enough. Her previous experiences are what has made her her, and the person you fell for.

Having said that though, it really bothers me about my g/f's previous sexual partners, I guess a big part of that is the fact that I have had none, so I constantly think she is comparing me to the others. I wouldn't know what someone feels like when they experience a new partner so I just worry about the worst going through her head.

Personally I would be put off if I knew my partner was very experienced, especially if it wasn't part of a long term relationship. I don't know I would like to be with someone who could separte sex with love. Fair play to people who do, but that's not for me.

Ideally I would have liked my girlfriend to have been with no one before me, and as she was my first I would have liked me to be hers, but at my age that's not likely to ever happen. I love her and so I just think about what I've got and try not to worry about her past. When I do though it makes me feel bad, best not to then!

Ironically, she worries that because she's my first, I'll get curious later on and try sex with someone new. I guess either way there's something to worry about if you let yourself!

Former Member

I think its understandable to think about the past partners list and feel a little bit daunted by it, but it doesn't make your gf dirty or unclean or loose or anything like that.

Personally I don't care, because I'm the best one;)

Former Member

It shouldn't bother you - as it's in the past and nothing to do with you.

Simple as.

Former Member

Doesn't matter if she shopped around when she was young, it was before she met you. You're being silly and if you continue torturing yourslef over it it's going to get on her nerves.

Former Member

its not something that particularly bothers me, whats in the past stays in the past. i would be very hypocritical tho if i started letting peoples sexual history bother me, but thats just me

Former Member

If someone's single and not willing to live like a nun, then it's inevitable that over the years, they may sleep with quite a few people. I wouldn't ask about my partner's sexual history, because I don't care to know about it, and I'd expect the same from them in return.

Former Member

most people have a past of some sort, but it's in the past for a reason. i really wouldn't worry - she's with you now. It doesn't really matter when she first started sleeping with people, it's not actually any of your business is it?

Former Member

yeah well she ended up with you so says something about you-
Dont know whether her telling you was either a good honest thing or not, think of it though if she had sex say every 6months and maybe once or twice while with her ex with someone it adds up pretty easy-
Most girls could rack up hundreds if they wanted in a singl year

Former Member

Provided that you use Condoms then you shouldn't really worry.

It's your insecurity which shows here...

Former Member

Man Of Kent wrote:

Provided that you use Condoms then you shouldn't really worry.

It's your insecurity which shows here...

Sorry dont use condoms ! shes on the pill !

Former Member

Business wrote:

Sorry dont use condoms ! shes on the pill !

I'm presuming that Man of Kent is referring to the fact that condoms help protect you from STI's - don't forget that while the Pill can protect against pregnancy, it doesn't protect you from sexual infections.

You can find more about Safer Sex here.

Former Member

im sure shes clean, weve been doin it for 6 months now, and i havent caught any thing yet.

Former Member

Business wrote:

im sure shes clean, weve been doin it for 6 months now, and i havent caught any thing yet.

'Being sure' is not the same as going to a GUM clinic for a full screening. Lots of STIs do not show any symptoms at all, (two-thirds of females will have no symptoms with chlamydia and one-third of men and over half of women do not have any symptoms with gonnorrhoea) so using the fact that you haven't noticed anything yet is not a good basis to assume you're both in the clear.

When I worked in a bloods lab, we had a guy who had no symptoms for *decades* as he had contracted something during the Second World War.

And to put it this way - if you girlfriend doesn't use condoms with you, what are the chances she used condoms with the other guys? And what are the chances that they didn't use condoms with their partners? That doesn't even include you in the equation, and given that 10% of young people have chlamyida, those aren't odds you want to play with.

Enough of the lecture, for your health and peace of mind both of you get sorted out

Former Member

my boyfriend was bothered about telling previous partners until he found out i had more than him, it knocked him for six so we just agreed that the past is the past and we try not to talk about it, it bothers me when we walk down the street and he say 'i shagged her once' though!!

Former Member

Hmmm.. IT doesn't bother me much that my Girlfriend has had many sexual partners, I suppose the fact shes older than me does make a difference,

Think of it like this, they couldn't have been very good or chances are she could still be with some of them and you must be doing something right if she is with you

I guess it is bound to bother everyone a little bit, but how much it bothers you is down to how jelous you get. Some girls/guys have had a big past so just because they've had a few sexual partners doesn't make them a slut or slag.

I mean my GF is 20 and has had 9, in my opinion I was more worried about having less than her, like I wouldn't be able to cope with the experience she's had as compared to hers mine were it is limited (3sexual partners), i think thats the only way it bothers me is that i dont think i can match up to her experience. as for her having tons of partners it isn't a problem to me, like people have said everyone has a past.

anyway thats my opiniion

Former Member

Think about it like this: you're her 16th, her ex was her 15th for arguements sake, and they dated for 3 years. Say she started having sex at the legal age. Take the 3 years away from her age (length of her relationship) and that's 6 years in between of having sex with 14 people - which equates to 2.3 people per year doesn't seem a lot now does it?

If that makes sense...

Former Member

My ex was my first, and I definately wasnt his, I dont have any idea how many other people he's slept with, but I imagine it will be a fair few, just because before we got together he was a major player. This has never bothered me though, have had this conversation with plenty of my mates that get paranoid about their partners pasts, and they just cant understand why i never got hung up on it. Its never something we talked about, not because we avoided it, just because it was never important to either of us, all that mattered was us, the present and our future.

Also, him being experienced, meant he could teach me everything he knew, and I am a fast learner, so we had a great sex life from early on. Him being confident, taking the lead, knowing how to put me at ease, made me glad I wasnt his first, I could just imagine that being a right fumbling mess!!

So, I thank all his previous sexual partners, for making him how he was

The only issue I have now, is my past getting in the way with future partners, always comparing them to my ex, not the other way round.

Former Member

Once i am with this girl for over 3 years ( which is the lengh of her longest relationship ) i reckon i will be so confident about everything i wont have any worries. By the way im 20 shes 26.

Former Member

what is the recent sexual history included a same-sex physical relationship?

Former Member

Hidrick wrote:

what is the recent sexual history included a same-sex physical relationship?

wot do u mean ?!

Former Member

The partner I was with until recently had had six sexual partners, I was a virgin. Did it bother me? Yes. Why? Because I suspected she'd be comparing how I "performed" to the other guys she'd been with. I told her about my worries, she laughed at me. She said that "when it comes to sex, I treat each partner as if they were my first. Believe it or not babe, I'm nervous about sleeping with you too." Hmm...

Former Member

hidrick wrote:

what if the recent sexual history included a same-sex physical relationship?

If say the g/f had had a sexual relationship with another girl or the b/f had one with another boy.

Former Member

why would that make a difference?

Former Member

a friend of mine has just told me what the girl i like used to be like when she was a bit younger and i never knew her......its actually put me off a bit.
i know thats wrong but i just cant help it, now every time i talk to her that thought will pop into my head

Former Member

No it doesn't bother me, but then i know there was only one girl before me, if we were talking about one night stands every other weekend of the month then it would probably bother me a bit more.

Former Member

hmm. well my bf and i haven't had any proper previous sexual partners, but he told me i'm his 17th gf, while hes only my 4th bf. he did finger a couple of his gfs, but i'm the first to please him, so i'm kinda chuffed by that . i still feel a little dumb when it comes to kissing etc, though. hes had so much practice, while he was my first (though he doesn't know that!).

Former Member

no your not weird for being concerned about a person's previous sexual partners its completely natural, I would wander how many mine has been with and what she has done to a certain extent. And for those who say your silly just people have limits when it comes to things like this and their own philosophy of what they want.

Former Member

Holly sh*t yes!:P
its more... It doesnt really BOTHER me... but when sometimes he talks about them i feel like hes comparing me and i get all f*cked up....

Former Member

by all means think about it, that is the point of being honest with each other- but the way i see it it really is all in the past - awkward moment comes when you walk into one of your partners conquests however, argh!