If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Good laugh
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in General Chat
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. And now,
the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to
his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of
its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a
finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to
the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered
for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving
the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a
crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over
his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was
able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes,
the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove
back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's
her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into
a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun,
and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The
man, frustrated, walked away.
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home
near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to
trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor
home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to
press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd had in years.
victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. And now,
the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to
his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of
its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a
finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to
the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered
for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving
the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a
crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over
his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was
able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes,
the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove
back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's
her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into
a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun,
and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The
man, frustrated, walked away.
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home
near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to
trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor
home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to
press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd had in years.
0
Comments
ah, there's the good laugh :thumb: