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cheating and forgiveness

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok... simple question
Would you forgive a guy/girl if he f*cked one of your friends while u were going out and then not have the balls to tell you?
Imagine this happened in a fase when u were arguing like hell

What would you do? :chin:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd laugh at the idea of forgiving them and frown upon anyone who'd even consider it in a similar situation.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For me, it would be unforgivable. Whether he told me or not would be irrelevant, the arguing would make no difference, he would have crossed some line that is just like, uncrossable, and she wouldnt be my mate any longer either, dont think either of them could do anything worse to hurt me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no, I would dump them and cry for weeks. but that's just me :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Replicant wrote:
    no, I would dump them and cry for weeks. but that's just me :(
    TOTALLY agree with yoiu... the cryng part:P i think i would give hime some kind of "payback" if he really loved me... Off course that, if he really did he would never do that :rolleyes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kate2419 wrote:
    dont think either of them could do anything worse to hurt me.
    :yes:
    But i dont think its the fact that he did it, i think its more the fact that he did it with a "friend" and above all havent told.... :chin:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Marishka wrote:
    :yes:
    But i dont think its the fact that he did it, i think its more the fact that he did it with a "friend" and above all havent told.... :chin:

    yeah i think both those things make it worse, but he'd still be out if he did tell me he'd slept wi someone i didnt know
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kate2419 wrote:
    yeah i think both those things make it worse, but he'd still be out if he did tell me he'd slept wi someone i didnt know
    ur mean girl :D although i think the same way ;) the bottom line i think is: if he puts his hand in anyone other than miself he's outta here:P

    hummm, remebered smth...

    what if it was the other way? :yeees:
    Would you girls tell him orr even do it? :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    NO!!! I'd dump him and never speak to her again. I'd never forgive them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm really sorry to hear about your boyfriend cheating on you, and hope you're not hurting too badly.

    While I agree that this sort of thing should be unforgivable, I went through a very similar situation with my (still) boyfriend last September, and decided to work through it.

    We've been together over 5 years, and during a period when we were living apart (Birmingham and Fife) he got very depressed. It's not an excuse for what happened, but it goes some way towards explaining the circumstances. While visiting friends in London, and after we hadn't seen each other for over a month, he ended up drunk at a party and slept with a girl he'd met. This wasn't an isolated incident - it happened a number of times over the course of a few months.

    He told me about this three days before we were supposed to be moving in together in Glasgow. Over the phone.

    It was terrible. I wept and wept. We were best friends as well as lovers, and I never in a million years thought he'd do this to me. He was absolutely destroyed by it too.

    We agreed to try to work it out. After 5 years, you don't just walk away from something like this. I figured that if we couldn't get through it, at least we'd have given it a go. And because i knew how depressed he was, i needed to make sure he was going to be ok.

    I know it sounds pathetic. But i knew if i didn't try to at least understand the whole thing, i would never have a trusting relationship again. It was important for my self-esteem.

    And now, 9 months on, we're totally through it. He's cried so much and can't believe how much he's hurt me. The other day, he said "it didn't matter who she was. She could have been anyone", and that made everything suddenly ok. Because i was convinced that she was special, that he was constantly thinking 'what if....'.

    I feel stronger for it.

    So there are no clear cut arguments for and against forgiveness. Do what you know is right for you. But don't be walked over. Make it clear how you feel, and make sure any questions you think might come back to haunt you are answered before you move on.

    Take care :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Marishka wrote:
    Ok... simple question
    Would you forgive a guy/girl if he f*cked one of your friends while u were going out and then not have the balls to tell you?
    Imagine this happened in a fase when u were arguing like hell

    What would you do? :chin:


    That would be a deal breaker, i'd dump him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's over. When and or If someone cheats on you it clearly means they don't want you anymore and or don't care enough about what you two have together to be faithful. I would end things
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would love to say "she'd be out on her ear, the dirty bitch", but I don't think it's as easy as that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Blairx0 wrote:
    It's over. When and or If someone cheats on you it clearly means they don't want you anymore and or don't care enough about what you two have together to be faithful. I would end things

    same. in almost all situations.

    even if it was a mistake and they were sorry, i don't think i'd be able to get over it. every time they tried to touch me or kiss me, i'd be thinking about that other person.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    I would love to say "she'd be out on her ear, the dirty bitch", but I don't think it's as easy as that.
    Kermit has a fair point.

    In long term relationships, it's hardly easy to split up with them there and then.

    In my particular case, I'd have to break up with him, because he would have violated my trust. Trust is a big issue for me, so I really don't think I could carry on being with him without the fact that he cheated in the back of my mind.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've never been in the situation, so I wouldn't be able to say whether I would or wouldn't leave them.
    However, I'd find it incredibly difficult to forgive. I view sex as an incredibly private and intimate act and I don't think I could ever understand why someone did that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In the highly unbelievable scenerio in which you describe, then I think that the relationship would already be doomed at the arguing like hell stage.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mist wrote:
    I think that the relationship would already be doomed at the arguing like hell stage.

    I dont think so, arguing is a thing that u can talk about and understand the reasons and maybe work out some way that can minimize that... cheating is impossible to do that...
    I've heard that arguing is a necesary part of a relationship for you to understand how much you love the other person.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Chuck them!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Gotta say although i want to say for a bf doing something that bad to hurt me id finish him straight away but if im totally honest i dont think i could. I kno my guy would never do it but if for some weird krazy reason he did i think id probably finish at first out of pure anger but then realise about a week later i love him far too much and id rather forget it and be with him than spend the rest of my days apart from him! Wow that was cheesy and soppy but hey thats me!! lol this question realy made me think!
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