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Teenage Pregnancy-----What to DO????

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
HI there,

Im 15 and iv just found out im pregnant, and im confused on what to do???

You see im a straight A student and iv a lot going for me, iv got a really good place at a 6th form and i could get a grant to go to university, but to do this i'll need to have an abortion.
But there is a really low chance of me having children because of personal problems, so i dont want to have an abortion if i cant then have children because thats the main thing i want out of life.

So i dont no what to do?
The father is whilling to stick by me but my family is going to dis-own me because there so strict, and if his parents do we will have no where to go?

Please help me decide what to do?
Tell me what you would do?

Please Please Please HELP ME

Thanks Katy-Louise
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is a tough one...

    Personally, I would chose to terminate. The chances are you will be fine in the future to have children, and also if the situation is bad in that respect, medicine is advancing all the time and so your chances will be much much higher.

    I feel that with the opportunities you say you have, keeping this baby would throw things completely out of whack and things would never get quite back to what they could have been.

    You just sound totally like you're not ready for a child as well - as can be well understood at 15!! Think of all the growing up, partying etc with your friends you will miss out on.

    Yes, just going on what you say, I feel you would be best terminating. Just my opinion, which I know some may not agree with.

    I hope you make the right choice for yourself!

    Gx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I personally think there are always other options to abortion, for example adoption but I'm sure people will also tell you that your baby is just a formation of cells right now and it's not the same as a formed human being. At the end of the day it is your body and your choice.

    I will say however that I'm certain a lot of colleges and Universities offer creches for students with children, and there are colleges out there especially for young mothers. If you don't feel mature enough to bring up a child, you could consider adoption. I'm sorry your family are being so horrible. Marie Stopes clinics are good for counselling during an unplanned pregnancy. I don't have a link but you could try google.

    And in future please use protection every time and think clearly before you have sex. You are having underage, unprotected sex and that carries a whole host of other problems like STDs etc.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    were you using protection?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok

    i thought before you think im a hussy or whatever,
    We did use protection but you no its not always 100%
    Ok?
    i thought of these but after carrying a child i dont think i could give it up!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kittenk89 wrote:
    i thought before you think im a hussy or whatever,
    We did use protection but you no its not always 100%
    Ok?
    i thought of these but after carrying a child i dont think i could give it up!

    As mentioned, there are many choices out there, and adoption is one of the hardest (from experience of people I know) simply because, as you have mentioned, after carrying a child to term, having to give it away would be pretty much impossible in my eyes.

    I don't think I could do it (and i'm a guy).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'd still advise an abortion - it'll be even harder to give it up once youve carried it for 9 months and given birth.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    i'd still advise an abortion - it'll be even harder to give it up once youve carried it for 9 months and given birth.

    Agreed.

    At 15, and with the opportunities seemingly on offer, even carrying a child to term would impact hugely on everything. The disruption to your studies through the first year of your further education could simply be too great.

    G.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am a long-time lurker on this forum, and I had a look back on your previous posts to get an idea of the situation - and I noticed that you posted back at the beginning of February about being pregnant. Is this the same baby, because if it is I fear that you have left it too late (I can't remember offhand how long you can leave it before having an abortion).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    rebelangel wrote:
    I am a long-time lurker on this forum, and I had a look back on your previous posts to get an idea of the situation - and I noticed that you posted back at the beginning of February about being pregnant. Is this the same baby, because if it is I fear that you have left it too late (I can't remember offhand how long you can leave it before having an abortion).

    Just checking back as rebel did - your previous posts are rather erratic, regarding abuse, 2 miscarriages etc. Is this a seperate pregnancy etc???
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote:
    Just checking back as rebel did - your previous posts are rather erratic, regarding abuse, 2 miscarriages etc. Is this a seperate pregnancy etc???

    woah, wtf? is that true?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    whether the father is willing to stick by you or not is not really the issue.
    you need to decide whether or not you are ready to bring up a kid yet.
    and make your decision based on that.
    from what you've said in your post, i would think you are probably not ready.
    in which case you need to decide whether to terminate it or see a pregnancy through and put it up for adoption.
    however if on the other hand you do feel ready and the father is wiling to stick by you, and having a baby is what you really want... then consider having it.
    as for your family: its you life, its your body and its your decision!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In the end the decision is upto you. Whatever you decide, don't let yourself be pressured. Do what you think is right.

    Do you really feel able to handle this?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whatever we advise, it doesn't matter because at the end of the day, only you know your life, what goes on and what is best for you. Whatever you'd want in the form of a parenting option i.e. adoption or raising the baby yourself, you have to now decide if you want to continue the pregnancy or not.

    This is thesites section on pregnancy

    Unplanned pregnancy, adoption and abortion

    Good luck
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No

    No its not the same pregnancy, but its cos of them the % of me having children has lowered, me falling pregnant the chance has falled to 25% and the chance of the child surviving and not having a miscarriage is also about the same
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    OK, without being too judgemental - I really think that you need to read and learn more about contraception and safe sex. There are plenty of articles on this website to help you.

    When you said above that you did use contraception, well I'm not going to accusing you of lying, but you said that you've had two miscarrages before and you were pregant earlier this year too? If this is the third (maybe even fourth) time you've been pregnant by the age of 15, then I really worry that you're not protecting yourself.

    Whatever you decide, just make sure that you are happy with the decision and take more care of yourself in future. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ...

    This is to answer all questions,

    Yes i no how to use contaception, i no iv bin pregnant before but one was through rape and the other was a stupid mistake i want to forget.

    Yes i no im only15 and im pregnant but it happens to lots of girls, and it just happens im asking for help.

    So plz help,
    Do the council have to give me and the father a house if we keep it and have no where to go its my last resort but im considering all the options?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you want council housing, you need to get your name on your council's waiting list. But basing your pregnancy outcome on what you can get etc might not be the best way to go as circumstances change.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kittenk89 wrote:
    This is to answer all questions,

    Yes i no how to use contaception, i no iv bin pregnant before but one was through rape and the other was a stupid mistake i want to forget.

    Yes i no im only15 and im pregnant but it happens to lots of girls, and it just happens im asking for help.

    So plz help,
    Do the council have to give me and the father a house if we keep it and have no where to go its my last resort but im considering all the options?

    wtf? ... a lot of girls do not get pregnant so many times whilst still legally underage. :no: no. the council do not have to give you a house... yes. you would have to go on a long waiting list. but they could just as well put you in ANY accomodation they have avaliable but only once the baby is born in the councils eyes would that give you a better chance of getting a roof over your head. but getting a house off the council is hardly an appropriate reason to have a baby! you'd also, have to proove that you had nowhere else to go, or else you might as well stay at your folks. but, if you are seriously thinking of going through with a pregnancy just incase the council offer you accomodation, then thats wrong. and given what you said at the beginning of this thread... wtf? and i really think you could benefit from some safe sex information... check out thesite.org sex section.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Think

    Hay, im 15 and 5 weeks pregnant! i still have to tell my mum and i'm really scared! BUT.... there is no way i'm giving up my child! this is a life your talking about not just a piece of flesh! if you relly don't want your baby then have him/her adopted! Did you know that when you have a termination that your child can feel it?? they feel pain! This decision is up to you but PLEASE look at other ways, terminations are horrible and they should be ilegal!

    Jess XxX
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This decision is up to you but PLEASE look at other ways, terminations are horrible and they should be ilegal!

    This means: It's your decision BUT I'm going to do everything I can by telling you lies so you can feel extra guilty about it!

    Kitten is free to do what she chooses to do, but arming her with misinformation isn't going to help her to make an informed decision.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jessP, as has already been said that is your individual decision. but i would like to point out that different people do have different opinions with regards to abortion... however, if it is done early enough, technically it would be impossible for them to feel pain as the central nervous system isn't developped. but again, its an individual decision. on a more personal note, do you feel when you tell your mum she will be supportive?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    and its also worthwhile saying that it would be of no help what so ever to turn this thread into an ethical debate about abortion - okay?!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well when your able to have a termination - it's not technically a baby is it? Its still a foetus and therefore a part of the mothers body. I'm 15 and if i got pregnant now im afraid i'd have to have an abortion. I wouldnt be able to cope with a baby growing inside me for 9 months and then going through the whole birth and deciding what to do with it. If i had it adopted - there's always the thought of knowing you've got a child out there, and wondering what they're like etc....and that would kill me. It'd be way too early in my life to go through something like that. I'd want to enjoy my younger and free years while i can. And i wouldnt want to bring a child into the world with a mother who isnt ready for him/her because its not really fair.

    But thats just my opinion.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Heloooo

    i do see everyones point and must admit that i was saying very much what i think she should do, but i must say that none of what i said were lies!
    How far gone are you? and have you considered adoption, although it is a very scary thought.
    sorry about me going off on one its just something i feel so strongly about i get a bit :crazyeyes over it! lol!

    XxX Jess
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    me again

    sorry i forgot! Yes my mum will be supportive. the reason i find it so hard to tell her is because she will be disapointed. me and my mum have such an amazing relationship that her feeling that would brake my heart! :blush:

    Jess XxX
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats okay. we all have things that we feel stongly about. :)
    well its good you do get on so well with your mum. so may be you should just try and get it out in the open ... she cannot be supportive if she doesn't know can she? and i guess, it will be important fo you to tell her at some point, so now might be as good a time as any, do you think?!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jess, a lot of people on this site have had abortions. I work in an abortion clinic. For someone to make such claims about foetal pain seems rich as you don't seem to have done much research on the embryonic development of the cerebral cortex and central nervous system, nor do you take into account anaesthetic crossing the placental barrier, or in later cases, dilapan sticks being so strong that they kill the foetus before the abortion takes place.

    I hate hate hate people being given the wrong information, whether it's about abortion or cleaning doorknobs, especially if that information is given in trying to sway a person's decision. Kitten hasn't even been asking many questions relating to abortion.

    Your mum sounds like she's pretty supportive. She might seem upset at first, but it will probably be the shock of hearing that you're pregnant. Do you have any other supportive adults e.g. an aunt, sister, youth worker who could sit with you while you break the news? It might help having someone else there.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    me, again!

    :shocking: im soooooooo sorry! i was going on what i got told at school by my nurse, but i wont doubt what you're saying!

    it's wired coz my mum is in the room next to me and i could just go in there and tell her! but instead i've told complete strangers, which i don't mind, don't get me wrong, its just an odd thought.
    I mean i would need my mum soooooooo bad in this pregnancy because the father is a complete w****r! (not in front of the children)!! i don't know why i can joke really! i'm in deep poo!

    Jess XxX
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jess, In an ideal world, noone would need to have abortions, but in the past when they were illegal, people still had them anyway, lots of women bled to death. You may have a supportive family, but not everyone does. Everyone who has an abortion has their reasons and they do whatever is right for them at the time. I understand you feel strongly and that is your right. I feel strongly that everyone should have the right to choose what happens with their own bodies, and if they dont want to carry a pregnancy to term, then thats their choice.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jess however your mum would feel about it initially, I'm sure she wouldn't want you to go through all this alone. And pregnancy isn't a walk in the park, you'll need lots of support, physically as well as emotionally.
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