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flat mate problems.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
my flat mate is really annoying me.

firstly, she keeps opening my mail. (and its really annoying and wierd). you know how some things that are dilivered are really private like bank statements and stuff, i mean she has opened my bank statements and all my other mail. the other day she opened a letter about a training thing i had coming up and she was like "oh, i didn't know you did that?!" ... i just felt like saying "yes. but its not any of your business is it" - i didn't know what the hell to say really. i cannot get to my mail either becasue we have to open the mail box with a key which we always have in the kitchen... and she keeps 'hogging' the mail key, so only she can get to it... and now she keeps opening it.

and secondly, she makes a complete mess of the kitchen and never never never cleans it. one of my other flat mates isn't in very much so i always end up having to clean up her mess and take the trash out, etc. and she does fuck all tbh.

i know i need to talk to her... but i don't know what to say! - unless i was really harsh, but i couldn't imagine doing that, esp. as i have to live with her. and tbh i'm beginning to think she is a total freak... and its scaring me... because there is so much personal stuff that people can know about you from your mail!!!

i did actually talk to another friend about this; but the only thing she could come up with (we were pissed!) was that i should order a load of pornos and bondage stuff... to give her a heart attack when she opens it!! :lol::lol::lol: - but i don't think so... it doesn't exacly solve the problem does it?!

anyway... any help / advice on what to say / do wba.
cheers.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well the mess is just general complaining heard it loads of times, but opening your mail is different you need to make it clear that thats not on,
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's illegal to open someone elses mail. Although I don't know how you can stop her doing it. Do you let people walk over you, maybe you need to make your feelings clearer?

    My flat mates are scum too, they never take the rubbish out, or clean anything. It starts to annoy you and then builds up until one day you have a huge screaming row. Try not to let it escalate to that. How much longer do you have to live there?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Opening your mail. That's just wrong and I know it's illegal in the US but I don't know about here, I'd guess it is though, it's certainly morally wrong. What we do with our mail as it's a shared house is just put it all on the radiator in the hall so you can get what's yours and leave the rest. You need to get that sorted and tbh I think you should be harsh about that, in shared accommodation you do need boundaries to respect other people's privacy. For example, I would never enter one of my housemate's rooms without knocking first or asking their permission if they were out; reading your mail comes under the same heading. If you don't want to have a go, it might be an idea to post a letter to yourself saying something like "Isn't it annoying when other people read your mail?" - she can't moan about that as if she wasn't reading your mail she wouldn't have opened it!

    Re: Mess. This is unfortunately just part of student life as I've found it. I've had two messy housemates this year and have tried everything. If you talk to them they promise to change and don't; if you clean up constantly after them all the time they get annoyed at you for messing with their stuff and you knacker yourself out; if you just let it go and get more and more messy in the hope they will eventually clean it, you will find they have no bottom level for mess. The only times I've got my housemates to clean is when I've had a visitor or the landlord coming and I've asked them to clean for that reason, or when they've felt like it themselves - not very often but it happens, They're keeping it clean at the moment because our tenure ends at the end of next month so we're all trying to keep it clean to minimise the stuff we have to do. I know it's difficult but try not to let it bother you - our house ended up turning into a them and us situation because of the mess and it got so stupid and put a dampener on most of the year and harmed the friendship I have with them. It'd be nice to have a clean house but it's not worth sacrificing friendships over. Whenever I got really stressed with it all I just made the promise to myself that after uni I will never do the housemate thing again! Makes me feel better when I get stressed with shared living!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Actually opening somebody elses mail is steeling THE QUEENS property as each letter belongs to the Queen untill it reaches its destination
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    otter wrote:
    my flat mate is really annoying me.

    firstly, she keeps opening my mail. (and its really annoying and wierd). you know how some things that are dilivered are really private like bank statements and stuff, i mean she has opened my bank statements and all my other mail. the other day she opened a letter about a training thing i had coming up and she was like "oh, i didn't know you did that?!" ... i just felt like saying "yes. but its not any of your business is it" - i didn't know what the hell to say really. i cannot get to my mail either becasue we have to open the mail box with a key which we always have in the kitchen... and she keeps 'hogging' the mail key, so only she can get to it... and now she keeps opening it.

    and secondly, she makes a complete mess of the kitchen and never never never cleans it. one of my other flat mates isn't in very much so i always end up having to clean up her mess and take the trash out, etc. and she does fuck all tbh.

    i know i need to talk to her... but i don't know what to say! - unless i was really harsh, but i couldn't imagine doing that, esp. as i have to live with her. and tbh i'm beginning to think she is a total freak... and its scaring me... because there is so much personal stuff that people can know about you from your mail!!!

    i did actually talk to another friend about this; but the only thing she could come up with (we were pissed!) was that i should order a load of pornos and bondage stuff... to give her a heart attack when she opens it!! :lol::lol::lol: - but i don't think so... it doesn't exacly solve the problem does it?!

    anyway... any help / advice on what to say / do wba.
    cheers.
    You do need to talk to her, cos opening your mail isn't on. And why is she like hugging the keys so much?? Whether you take the harsh approach or the softer one is up to you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    wtf, who does she think she is opening your mail?!

    tell the silly mare to naff off.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    next time the key is there, take it. And keep it.

    If she asks for it say no because you dont want her opening your mail.

    As for the tidying up bit, i had this problem too. I find that the subtle approach never works. Get a washing up bowl each so that your own washing up goes in your own bowl and doesnt clutter up the sink preventing others from using it. I found the only way to get the message through to uni slobs is to scream "clear up your fucking shit you disgusting lazy slob!"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if someone was opening my letters like that i would seriously flip and have a tantrum at them, thats not on.

    as for the mess, im not one to speak cos im well messy. play her at her own game, never ever tidy up, she'll cave in one day
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think its actually illegal to open other peoples mail without their permission. Its a form of tresspass.
    Totally out of order anyway. I would seriously tell her you need to have a word.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Send a letter to yourself, telling her to f-off. :D

    That is bloody cheeky - defo have a word and tell her to never ever open your letters again.

    I know a few people who have had problems with flatmates. The best thing to do is to (a) live with people you know reasonably well and trust, and (b) lay down house rules at the beginning. It doesn't need to be formal, but if you all know what each other will accept from the start then it makes living together easier.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :yes: i know i need to talk to her. - i will talk to her. thanks guys.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    and she's left the cooker hobs on - the kitchen is absolutly roasting hot - we could have had a fire! :rolleyes:
    and this is all i've just said "did you know you left the cooker on?!" :yeees:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kentish wrote:
    Send a letter to yourself, telling her to f-off. :D

    :lol: Thats too good.

    Seriously though i would put her in her place, really why does she feel the need to open you mail. Either have a word with her yourslef or get someone else too, and if she gets arsey sick your ground because she is the one in the wrong here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    otter wrote:
    and she's left the cooker hobs on - the kitchen is absolutly roasting hot - we could have had a fire! :rolleyes:
    and this is all i've just said "did you know you left the cooker on?!" :yeees:

    you need to build the courage to say something to her now. Before its too late. When it gets to the point that people could get hurt (burning themselves on the hob, burning the house down) i think you should just say something or you may regret it like i did, i lived with a girl who used to drive crazily but i never really dared tell her to slow the fuck down; what happened? She ended up almost killing us both in an accident

    DO IT NOW!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You should say something.

    I wouldn't tolerate anyone opening my mail. My boyfriend and I have been living together since September but I still leave his mail for him, even if I know what's in it. It's just downright disrespectful.

    Mess, well, just do what I did: put it outdoors/outside her room.

    Leaving the hob on could be an accident. If she does it again, leave a big note: REMEMBER TO TURN THE HOB OFF and stick it on the kitchen door.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would either grass her up to the landlord/lady or spoof a letter from the police.

    I had a dickhead of a flatmate who once changed all of the lightbulbs in the house to red ones. Because of my colours thing, it made me quite scared. Anyway, it only cost me a couple of quid to replace 12-odd lightbulbs. He lost out really because the red ones are about six times as expensive. Because of the cost implications, he only did it the one time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Monserrat wrote:
    my colours thing
    :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If somebody was doing that with my mail it would make my blood boil and I'd wanna give them a good ol' bitch slap.

    Obviously, I'm not suggesting you do that, or maybe you could, probably wouldn't help matters but it would feel oh so good.
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