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Was it ok for her to say this? Really confused...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Well i've been ill alot recently and i have panic attacks before school somtimes. And then theres the possible depression. I've had 2 days off this week with conjuntivitis and went back today. When i said to my mum my eyes were still irritating she thought i was saying it to get out of school and lost her temper with me and said ''we should lock you up in a room and leave you there for the rest of your life'' she'd also been moaning all morning so i'd had enough - i got out the car and slammed the door and walked into school.
School was fine, i had a chance to cool down, but when i had to meet my mum in town after i caught the bus i was distant with her cause i was still pissed off at her for what she said. Then she got mad again saying i'd got a face like a slapped arse and moaned that i wasnt talking.
Then later in the car she was still at me - saying i act ignorant all the time by not talking to people and that i dont make an effort and so on....and that they should have me fostered.
Since ive been ill alot of the time she thinks im making it up to get out of school (she knows ive had huge problems with going recently) but she loses her temper at me and says things. It's like a cylcle cause when i feel ill - i'm afraid to speak up, even though i do in the end but its rarely good.
Friends ive spoken to have said to speak to a childline but, i feel like im making a fuss cause im not being neglected or anything and i never have. And i'm afraid to speak up cause we've always been a happy family and i'll seem like a typical attention seeking ungrateful teenager making a song and dance about it.
I'm really confused - any advice would be great. Thanx
School was fine, i had a chance to cool down, but when i had to meet my mum in town after i caught the bus i was distant with her cause i was still pissed off at her for what she said. Then she got mad again saying i'd got a face like a slapped arse and moaned that i wasnt talking.
Then later in the car she was still at me - saying i act ignorant all the time by not talking to people and that i dont make an effort and so on....and that they should have me fostered.
Since ive been ill alot of the time she thinks im making it up to get out of school (she knows ive had huge problems with going recently) but she loses her temper at me and says things. It's like a cylcle cause when i feel ill - i'm afraid to speak up, even though i do in the end but its rarely good.
Friends ive spoken to have said to speak to a childline but, i feel like im making a fuss cause im not being neglected or anything and i never have. And i'm afraid to speak up cause we've always been a happy family and i'll seem like a typical attention seeking ungrateful teenager making a song and dance about it.
I'm really confused - any advice would be great. Thanx
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Comments
If you want a rant then here is a good place to rant. If you want to rant at someone in particular, then loads of people will listen, I know I will. If you want to discuss things more deeply then you could ring ChildLine or The Samaritans, or if you would prefer to deal in the written word then you could email jo@samaritans.org.
I think that your mum is probably stressed or tired, if these outbursts are completely out of character. If you are reluctant to go to school at the moment that is a big worry for parents, as happy kids don't mind going there. try not to take it too personally, but I don't think she should have said those things.
I think you're wrong. Would you tell your kids that you should have had them fostered if you were 'just in a bad mood'? Doubt it.
Talk to someone ballerina, teachers and your friends. Or even just to us on here.
yeh i agree, maybe i'm just thicker skinned than her. i didn't mean it to sound the way it perhaps did. me and my mum used to argue like anything, and she said some horrible things to me but it didn't mean she meant it.
Look, I'm not making excuses for her, she definitely shouldn't have said she would have you fostered. But on the other hand she IS a person as well as your mum, you don't become some kind of superhuman when you become a parent. The usual rules apply and like everyone else we make mistakes and say things we don't mean.
And it's confusing. I mean REALLY. You've got this kid, who isn't really a kid anymore, but isn't really an adult either; you want to let them find their own way and make their own mistakes but on the other hand you want to protect them, from the world and themselves. You want to make everything OK for them. But you can't. Not least because you just don't have a CLUE what is going on in their head or why they are acting the way they are. It's not enough to have been a teenager once, because in the meantime the goalposts have been moved.
It's like being given a particularly complicated piece of equipment, like, say, a particle accelerator without an instruction booklet. But you are completely responsible! Oh yes, you'll never be able to forget that, even if the fact didn't virtually give you an ulcer to begin with, the message comes from all sides. If they don't go to school enough, you are responsible and may get fined (or even imprisoned). If they (God forbid) get pregnant, you are responsible. If they do anything that might be remotely classed as antisocial, even if you think it's fairly normal teenage behaviour and not that serious, society will frown on you, wag its finger in your face and possibly make you go to parenting classes!
So cut her a tiny little bit of slack eh? She's only human, she's probably just like the rest of us, bumbling around trying to get through life and do the right thing and usually cocking it up.
Miffy tells it like it is
Miffy ROCKS.
When I was diddy, I went through an odd, non-sleeping phase. I cried instead of slept and my mama used to threaten to put me into care because even though it was me feeling it all, she wasn't sleeping ove it either and she didn't know what was wrong. She used to get incredibly angry and used to shout and curse at me, but I couldn't really explain what was wrong with me. Somedays she broke, just cuddled me and said sorry for the things she said and told me she didn't know how to help me. Maybe your mother feels the same - like your down day in day out and she can't help you like she wants to and feels frustrated, angry and wanting to push you to a degree that you'll push yourself out of it because she doesn't know how to otherwise?
Malt x
Blimey.
I think Blair is right. You should keep busy, and just cool off a bit.
aye, that's what your call an answer borne from experience! i hope i'm like that when i'm a mum.
sometimes people say things to people they love that they really shouldn't, and that they don't mean. for loads of different reasons.
when i was a young teenager i said some awful things to my mum. including the standard 'i hope you die'/'i wish i'd never been born'/'i HATE you' type comments. that's what kids do. but then a mum dares to say a few things back (that could even have been badly judged jokes aiming to relieve a bit of tension) and suddenly juniors adding childline on speed dial.
have you tried saying to your mum that when she says stuff like that it hurts your feelings? she probably hasn't realised. that's step one, i think.
the thing is, i have NEVER EVER dared say i hate you, i wish you'd die etc to my parents. I never have cause i'd know i'd get hell for it.