Why do women that get beat up by their boyfriends still stay with the bastard?

Former Member

JellyBabe123 wrote:

hows emotionally hurting someone differnt from physically hurting them?? both hurt like hell, both are deliberate...... most people just love them inspite of it, im sure he loves me inspite of things... i dont know

:wave:

emotionally hurting someone isnt always the person fault, the other person may just be oversenstivive, hitting someone is hitting as a form of control is just wrong no matter how hard or soft it is

Former Member

rainbow brite wrote:

because after the first time, theres still all the good times that outweigh the bad, and then after the second time, youve forgiven once, so youll do it again.
Its the same reason people stay in shit relationships even when there is no violence. Just reminscing and expecting it to go back to how it used to be.

exactly

no relationship can ever be a permement honeymoon, however if it goes to vilence or emotional blackmail then just leave

Former Member

I'll just say this: It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman, no one deserves to be beaten by their partner that is supposed to love them. I could understand it happening maybe one time, but I'd assume after that it would never happen again. OR the relationship would end.

Former Member

Indeed Moonglitter. I may have made it sound like a blanket statement for all people who have experienced such relationships - it wasn't meant to be. People aren't that simple. I'm also well aware that people break the cycle themselves sometimes...a moment of clarity if you will.

Glad to hear you're in a happy relationship now.

Former Member

wheresmyplacebo wrote:

exactly

no relationship can ever be a permement honeymoon, however if it goes to vilence or emotional blackmail then just leave

In theory yes, but if you love someone, then them acting badly doesnt make you all of a sudden stop loving them. If you dont love someone and they hit you, then of course you wouldnt put up with it, thats why its hard for people to understand why someone stays - because as an outsider, you dont love the person, but if you imagined the person you love hitting you, I bet you wouldnt immediatley pack up and leave.

Former Member

I think part of you thinks they'll change. After 6 months of niceness, we split, got back together, I was made to feel very guilty for wanting to split and it almost seemed like I was getting 'pay back', maybe to feel like it was justified as well.

I agree with there being a line between being oversensitive when it comes to mental abuse but having endured that step over that line, you really begin to understand the difference. The remarks I got involved my intelligance, my appearance, my opinions and me being pathetic, vulnerable and weak. The physical was harming when my opinion didn't match, raising a hand to provoke a response, outlining his capabilities. Only when out of that I realised how 'pathetic' in a way I'd become. I was bubbly and confident once - suddenly I had no confidence in the things I said, I was quiet, withdrawn and tore my appearance and character to pieces when I was alone.

When asked why I stuck with him, I would say "He used to be really nice, he used to treat me really good once" and he had me slightly convinced that by overpowering me, he'd protect me if the need ever arose...yet nothing could protect me from him, then he overstepped the mark and I hated the sight of him and yet was terrified to tell him to leave me alone, then there was someone else who wanted to protect me from him and I managed to get out. Othewise..I'd have stayed if I had to go it alone.

Funny world, loopy minds

Former Member

~*Girl_Interrupted*~ wrote:

This is a question I would love to know the answer to.

My Mum suffered domestic violence from the hands of her so called 'lover' for 5/6 years but she wouldn't leave him. Despite putting her 3 children through hell she just wouldn't leave him because she loved him. I never understood it. She once left him for a month but then got back with him because she 'missed' him. I mean, how can you miss somebody that puts you into hospital? My mum never deserved to be beaten up by that bastard but he kept doing it. He hasn't touched her in the last two years and they think me and my brothers have swept it under the carpet and forgotten about it. I've gotta live with those memories for the rest of my life. I would never stay with somebody who hit me, whether I loved them or not. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.

When it happened to me the first time, and the police was called, the police officer told me that 9 times out of 10 once they do it, they would do it again. I never thought he would do it again, after all he kept on apologising and saying it was out of order what he did, he was so sorry, he will change etc.

But it still continued. And I remember when I was a teenager, I always said i would not put up with it, I would definately leave it if it were to happen. And there I was taking the abuse over and over again. So what changed? It was because I was in love, and I thought he would change.

I wasn't totally sucked in tho, I left him for good, before he got a chance to put me in hospital.

Former Member

My bf and i of a year and a half have been pushing and shoving eachother for a while, its not to the same degree but even so i do think its wrong and bad enough that its got to that stage. So im ending it, its wrong! Its no longer love.