Another chance???

Former Member

So....

If your ex partner did something bad (i.e. cheating, lying, abuse) would you give him/her a second chance?

How many of you here has given ur ex partner a second chance? Why did you? Was it worth it? Has the relationship been successful?

And how many chances would you give until enough is enough?

Under what circumstances would you NOT give your partner a second chance?

Discuss.

Former Member

There is noway that i would ever forgive a partner that cheated on me because to me that would feel like the most severest form of direspect towards me...
Howevere i stayed in a very abusive relationship for nearly 2 years where my partner took everything from me and gave nothing back.I think i stayed in it because i beleievd that someday he would change and that we could be happy.
But now...i flinch at the first sign of this behaviour in partners and will run out the door faster than you can say "so i it take that its over".
GUess just because ive been hurt i dont believe in alot of comprimise.I dont treat people like shit and therefore dont expect to be treated like it.
Need to sort it out a bit as it tends to be a bit slef destructive on my part... :banghead:

Former Member

if someone cheated on me then i'd like to think that'd be it and i wouldn't give them another chance, but i can't really say until it happens (hopefully it won't!). though i'm not excusing it, there are sometimes reasons. but i'd like to think i'd get rid 'cause i know i could never trust them again.

Former Member

lucifer devil wrote:

if someone cheated on me then i'd like to think that'd be it and i wouldn't give them another chance, but i can't really say until it happens (hopefully it won't!). though i'm not excusing it, there are sometimes reasons. but i'd like to think i'd get rid 'cause i know i could never trust them again.

I feel the same way about the whole trust thing. Currently, my ex partner has asked for me back. He claims he has changed, that he wont do it again (cheating, lying), and that we should give the relationship another chance.

I dont trust him, but I care about him loads.

Former Member

chan-chan wrote:

If your ex partner did something bad (i.e. cheating, lying, abuse) would you give him/her a second chance?

:no: i think its too easy sometimes to give in and give someone another chance on the promise they will change. if they have done it once what would stop them doing it again? but it alos depends on what the "bad" thing is?!

Former Member

well my dads protective of me - even though he doesnt show it
but he did tell me if a bf ever hit me then he'd go find him and sort him out.....he doesnt stand for it because he was abused for many years as was my grandma. So if a guy abused me i dont think he'd even be able to be given a second chance. Like i'd give it to them anyway!

Former Member

theindiekid wrote:

There is noway that i would ever forgive a partner that cheated on me because to me that would feel like the most severest form of direspect towards me...
Howevere i stayed in a very abusive relationship for nearly 2 years where my partner took everything from me and gave nothing back.I think i stayed in it because i beleievd that someday he would change and that we could be happy.
But now...i flinch at the first sign of this behaviour in partners and will run out the door faster than you can say "so i it take that its over".
GUess just because ive been hurt i dont believe in alot of comprimise.I dont treat people like shit and therefore dont expect to be treated like it.
Need to sort it out a bit as it tends to be a bit slef destructive on my part... :banghead:

What made you finally leave him...what changed?

Former Member

otter wrote:

:no: i think its too easy sometimes to give in and give someone another chance on the promise they will change. if they have done it once what would stop them doing it again? but it alos depends on what the "bad" thing is?!

I understand completely...but what if they have really changed? Would you still get back with them to find out, or would you leave it and never know?

Former Member

chan-chan wrote:

I understand completely...but what if they have really changed? Would you still get back with them to find out, or would you leave it and never know?

may be you don't need to get back with them to know if they have changed or not. and i think, personally, i'd prefer to leave it and never know than to end up in a cheating / lying/ abusive relationship again.

Former Member

otter wrote:

may be you don't need to get back with them to know if they have changed or not. and i think, personally, i'd prefer to leave it and never know than to end up in a cheating / lying/ abusive relationship again.

I agree. You can never be sure.

Former Member

chan-chan wrote:

What made you finally leave him...what changed?

Cos i suddenly realised that 2 years down the line i had no money,no qualifications,no friends,no self esttem and no goals all because he had taken so much away from me and severly held me back from reaching my potential,so things had to end or i would have gone crazy.
Things are all sorted now tho without him in my life and ive found alot of freedom

Former Member

i got back with my bf after finding out that hed cheated on me there was a lot of reasons y! mainly cuz i left him to go away so i thought if hes willing to give me another chance then y not!!

i carnt say that its been easy trusting him again and i dont think i will trust him 100%, but who can u trust 100%, thats my point, and things have been beter and he has changed, so have i, i think we both realised what we had and grew up!!

im not saying everyone deserves a 2nd chance, its just what ever u feel is best! but it CAN work again

Former Member

Someone wouldn't get a second chance if they cheated on me and physically or even mentally abused me in anyway, cause that can be even more damaging than violence.

I think more than two chances is enough for anyone, anymore than that and your with the wrong person.

Former Member

no, i wouldn't.

in my experience, if they cheat, and you take them back. 9 times out of 10 they cheat again, but just get more sneaky about it. even if they never cheated again, i wouldn't be able to be with them knowing that they did that to me. even if we sorted it and got on with our lives, it'd always be in the back of my mind somewhere.

this is especially true if they did it more than once (with the same person, or different). once could possibly be a mistake. more than once is deliberate, and is NOT acceptable.

Former Member

~*Girl_Interrupted*~ wrote:

I'm not saying its easy. Learning to trust him again is a really hard thing to do...alot comes and hits you after being cheated on and giving them one last chance such as paranoia and anxiety/panic attacks.

do you think it's worth it?

that's not a dig, btw. that's an honest question.

Former Member

kaffrin wrote:

do you think it's worth it?

that's not a dig, btw. that's an honest question.

You see, I dont think it is worth it. My ex wants me back. He has cheated three times with three different girls, has mentally abused me and minipulated me in the past.

Now he realises what a fool he was, he wants me back. And although i do care for him, I cant go back to a relationship where the trust has been broken. It would do my head in...he'll go out and I would be like, "is he with another girl" etc.

I dont need that kind of stress. I know I wont be completely happy, I know I would always have a niggling thought in the back of my mind, and I know it will eventually drive me insane, even if he was truely being faithful and honest.

Former Member

How did you make it work again?

I can't imagine it working out if me and my ex got back together. And isn't it like always in the back of your mind? Don't you think he could do it again? (im not putting a bad mouth on ur relationship or anything).

Former Member

themouth wrote:

i got back with my bf after finding out that hed cheated on me there was a lot of reasons y! mainly cuz i left him to go away so i thought if hes willing to give me another chance then y not!!

i carnt say that its been easy trusting him again and i dont think i will trust him 100%, but who can u trust 100%, thats my point, and things have been beter and he has changed, so have i, i think we both realised what we had and grew up!!

im not saying everyone deserves a 2nd chance, its just what ever u feel is best! but it CAN work again

the above question for you, themouth.

Former Member

chan-chan wrote:

the above question for you, themouth.

well when i found out i was devostated like anyone would be!

we had a long chat and realised that we both loved eachother, he never used to open up to me, but he did and it made me realise that we had both been acting so stupid, ad that i was worth giving it one last go!

as for things beeing in the back of my mind, then oh yes that has been the biggest problem, and i still bring things up, almost every week infact! but its about us working togeather as a team, rather than working againsted eachother. i think u both have to be 100% committed to making it work.

im at the point now were i know that we will work through r problems.
and at the end of the day if it donsnt work out then atleast we have gave it an honest go! at the end of the day thee is no such thing as a prerfect relationship, and im not looking for one! im happy the way we r!! :thumb: