Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

Dating my best friends girl

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am really in need of advice!! I recently moved to a new city, where I have some good friends, but dont know a ton of people. However, one of my best friends here, has this absolutely amazing g/f. From the very first time that I met her, I was pretty sure that there was something between us. Than the more and more I saw her (even though always with him) it became even more obvious. She would very blatantly come onto me when he was just in the next room. Than it progressed to her calling me when she knew that her b/f wasn't there. Just this past week, one of our conversations eventually turned into us admitting that we both have feelings for each other, and are attracted to each other. However, she also said that she doesn't want to cheat on her b/f, but she sees it happening between us. I told her that I wont let it happen, because of much as I like her, I dont want to ruin a friendship. Currently this girl goes to school out of state, but is transferring here next year. I dont know what is going to happen this next year, but she allready told me that she really doesn't see her and her b/f staying together for much longer. She has allready told me that she wants to hang out with me all the time next year, and that if they break up, she would want to date me. I dont know what to tell her, or what to do, I really am unbelievable attracted to this girl, and think that her and I would be perfect together. However, I dont want to lose a friend in the process. However, my friend doesn't really even seem to care about their relationship that much (at least when he is around me), and constantly talks about other girls, so he might not even mind. However, even if he doesn't mind, and we did start dating...I am also worried that she might be constantly comparing me to him, which is alot of pressure...I just dont think I can go on forever never acting on my feelings for this girl, especially now that I know it is mutual...I have told her that as long as they are together that nothing can happen between us, and if they break up, we will see what happens from there....Please help me....What should I do?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My advise would be not to interfere all the time she has a boyfriend. She may like her boyfriend as much as she does you, in which case she just wants the best of both worlds and you don't want to touch her with a spermicide-coated barge pole. If she does like you and wants to leave her boyfriend for you then don't do anything until she does actually leave her boyfriend.

    Personally, I wouldn't bother, but it's really upto you. Whatever you do, just don't rush it, it may be a passing thing
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hm. this is a tricky situation and you have to be careful about it. you really cant do anything while she is going out with your mate - whether he's really into her or not and as you have said, it could ruin a freindship and would be a breach of your trust. If they do break up then everyone is going to have to be honest with each other, dont rush it but talk to your mate before anything happens with the girl if that does turn out to be the case.

    otherwise all i can say is, as much as you might not want to (and i know exactly how it feels...see one of my other posts as i am in a not quite so different situation myself right now), pull yourself away from the situation a bit - dont be too distant, keep the friendship but try to spend a bit more time with some other friends and get used to not being around her. I'm sure it will all work out in time (thats what i'm hoping for me anyway!) and who knows, you could meet someone esle where the situation is a lot easier!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Towards the end of your post you seemed to be giving reasons why letting things happen with this girl would be ok...
    she allready told me that she really doesn't see her and her b/f staying together for much longer.
    my friend doesn't really even seem to care about their relationship that much (at least when he is around me), and constantly talks about other girls, so he might not even mind.

    You're already beginning to think about what it would be like to be a couple...
    I am also worried that she might be constantly comparing me to him, which is alot of pressure...

    Whatever you do, try not to be the reason they break up... you're bound to lose this guy's friendship if you are.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the replies everyone!!! Please keep them coming. In my first post I forgot to mention two things. She and my friend have been dating for about a year and a half...they are from the same hometown....and also we talk on the phone alot now, even when they are still together...should I cut this off? I am nervous that if I cut this off, we will become too distant for anything to ever happen, since I will probably only see her a few times this summer..and they will only be a few mins apart from each other. I dont want anything to happen right now, while they are together, but I dont want her to lose interest either.. Just let me know what you think...thanks
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    re:

    My god, does this take me back or what. In God's honest, truth, I know exactly what you're going through. Anyone who's familiar with my name will know as well because I didn't stop for months on here asking people what the hell should I do. A guy I went to school with and was mates with for about 2 years had a gf of about a year when I met her. Something clicked the moment me and her met. A week later he told me that she fancied me. I find this hilairous, but then I'm hearing it from other people as well, like the mates who I worked with who knew her as well. I was still finding it funny. I then find out that him and her were starting to argue more because she told him she fancied me, nothing I can do really. Me and him were still talking, but I knew we were drifting, despite me ringing him, emailing him pretty often. Then later on, she was trying to set me up with people, one of her friends in particular(who thankfully I'm still friends with). Nothing happened with me n her friend but we still kept in touch, met up, etc. This making my mates gf jealous I find out, as she told me in a txt. So I get confused as it was none of her business and this is the person she was trying to set me up with. As I'm thinking this, it's hit me that I feel the same way about her. We gradually got closer and I fell in love with her. I ended up telling her because he had stopped talking to me more or less, so I put my own feelings first. She then ends up saying she doesn't know how she feels about me. She said this a number of times and from her side(even though I haven't herd his side as we haven't spoke for over a yr), he'd given her an ultimatum. So me n her stopped talking for a while and all I wanted to do was to hurt him because I was so angry. I didn't do anything to him, but it ended up with me and her falling out because she played her part in this also. I then found out earlier this year that she'd finished with him. I thought about gettin in touch again, but I didn't. I now know that she's bascially someone who plays around with anyone now, and yes, although I know that that is not what I want, because I haven't met anyone who has give me the same vibe since(apart from her friend a little), I'll still have feelings for her.

    Now I obviously don't know this girl, dont' know what she's like. Hopefully you could be luckier than me, and this girl goes by her words. But I would just agree what other people have said, don't do anything until they have separated, if that is in fact they do. Then when that situation arises, you have to decide that one by yourself, no books, videos, people can tell you.

    Some people say, "women/men come and go, friends are forever"

    then again, some other people say ,"follow your heart"

    There's no right or wrong answer. You make the move then.

    Hope that helps.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    this is something you will need to think bout on ur own...you dont want to lose your mate...a best friend is always worth more then a girl friend..if you ever end up with this girl your friend will probably encourage you and say whats best for you but inside him he'd be angry and jelous...i was in this same situation before but the girl broke up with my mate and thats when i went out with her..but my friend said i suit her and everything and that he encouraged me too stay with her...but inside he was sad and angry i guess...after i thought bout it...i decided to break it off because i dont want my frend to be stubboned...

    its up 2 u what u wanna du...hope u du wats best for yah =]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    keep out. shes his not yours get over it and so on an so forth.
    just wrong ok? leave it whilst shes with him its the sickest thing on earth to cheat.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    people dont belong to other people
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Keep away, at least until they're well and truely over and she's got over the end of rel hurt, cos whether or not she's finished with him, she will be hurting and have regrets, it's only natural.

    After that, then maybe if you talk to ya mate and make sure he's ok with you seeing her should you make a move or you may well lose ya best friend.
Sign In or Register to comment.