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Sigh!!!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Why cant I get out of my head that my fella will cheat on me??? He's started goin to the gym about a month ago, and whenever he goes I just think he's gonna go off with some girl who is skinnier, prettier than me, makes him more happy than I do :( When he looks at girls in the street (I know he just looks, I look at men ect) and when he has them mags, loaded n stuff, I think, I wish I was slimmer, so then I think Im goin on a diet so I can be slimmer, but then I think I dont really want to be slimmer, Im happy and I think he's happy with my body.

I am a jealous person cos my ex cheated on me, and my ex started goin to a gym, and met her there and left me :impissed: So I just keep thinking is it happening over again?? :nervous:


Im just fed up :grump: We keep arguening, over silly things, we dont trust each other, and I know trust is the most important thing in a relationship, but we love each other. I've thought about a little 'break' cos I think we take each other for granted, weve been together ages, and if we have a little break it might do us some good :chin: but then again he could find someone and go off!! Uhhh, I dont know, im just fed up and fustrated :grump: :(


Sorry for the rant!!! If anyone has anythin to say, then there welcome!!!

Thnaks!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh my god, this is exactly what happened with me, i worried my bf would find someone else better then me, prettier, funner, thinner....i dont know what worried me more but i was convinced there were so many girls out there better then me in a variety of ways, I got completely paranoid. I started to get jealous over silly things, like the girls he'd slept/been out with before me, as two of them were part of a wider friendship group and we saw them pretty regularly, whenever they would be out i was terrified. Also i became paranoid over him looking at porn and masturating when i wasn't around, as if this was some sort of proof he was bored with me. The whole time I knew what kind of man he was, he fundamentally hates the idea of cheating, so i knew deep down he wouldnt cheat on me, but I couldnt get these worries out of my head.

    He tried to be understanding, he would always invite me out with him everywhere even when there wasnt really any reason for me to go (as in i wouldnt know anyone else at the party) and i know it was because he wanted me with him but it was also largely because he was trying to reassure me nothing would ever happen. He even started not going out when he knew the other girls would be there, but this was my problem not his and it tore us apart.
    Doing everything together actually made it worse, we never went out on a night out without each other and when we did, when either of us actually wanted to we felt guilty and the other one worried. I made him insecure and jealous too.
    I thought that we loved each other and that would overcome everything but in the end we wore each other down, no trust is a really hard thing to deal with.
    We broke up a month ago because he needed some space, and we both really needed to discover who we were. And theres not a day that goes by when i hate myself for not being able to trust him and put my stupid worries to one side.
    He never cheated on me once.

    Please, please try and sort your head out before its too late, i may have ruined the best relationship i'd ever had because i couldnt get over my own insecurities, id hate it if the same thing happened to you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ok u need to trust him ~ hes not your ex and he loves u and only u ~ my ex did the same thing to me but i trust my bf right now ~ u just gotta let ur ex go ~ i know its hard and everything but u really need to trust him ~ im guessing that it kills him that u dont trust him but he doesnt want to say anything because he doesnt want to make u feel bad or anything. to be honest i think u can trust this guy ~ and dont take a break cause thats pointless. if u need to take a break now then how are u gonna deal with other problems later? take a break from a marrage?? ~ i dont think so ~ if u think hes cheatin on u at the gym ask him if u can go with him
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh my god, this is exactly what happened with me, i worried my bf would find someone else better then me, prettier, funner, thinner....i dont know what worried me more but i was convinced there were so many girls out there better then me in a variety of ways, I got completely paranoid. I started to get jealous over silly things, like the girls he'd slept/been out with before me, as two of them were part of a wider friendship group and we saw them pretty regularly, whenever they would be out i was terrified. Also i became paranoid over him looking at porn and masturating when i wasn't around, as if this was some sort of proof he was bored with me. The whole time I knew what kind of man he was, he fundamentally hates the idea of cheating, so i knew deep down he wouldnt cheat on me, but I couldnt get these worries out of my head.

    He tried to be understanding, he would always invite me out with him everywhere even when there wasnt really any reason for me to go (as in i wouldnt know anyone else at the party) and i know it was because he wanted me with him but it was also largely because he was trying to reassure me nothing would ever happen. He even started not going out when he knew the other girls would be there, but this was my problem not his and it tore us apart.
    Doing everything together actually made it worse, we never went out on a night out without each other and when we did, when either of us actually wanted to we felt guilty and the other one worried. I made him insecure and jealous too.
    I thought that we loved each other and that would overcome everything but in the end we wore each other down, no trust is a really hard thing to deal with.
    We broke up a month ago because he needed some space, and we both really needed to discover who we were. And theres not a day that goes by when i hate myself for not being able to trust him and put my stupid worries to one side.
    He never cheated on me once.

    Please, please try and sort your head out before its too late, i may have ruined the best relationship i'd ever had because i couldnt get over my own insecurities, id hate it if the same thing happened to you.

    You sound so much like me!! Im jealous of his ex's cos he still sees one (at work) and the thing about going out, if I go out on a night out with work, I keep thinking he's cheating on me while I'm out cos he thinks im cheating on him, so the last time works had a night out, I didnt go :grump: Im just really fed up, I get angry at my self for feeling like that, but I cant do nothing about it!!! :banghead:

    Is there nothing you can do about your relationship?? :(

    Fallinlove - I've been to the gym, but when he goes Im at work, and his gym is in his work kinda thing. I know a break wont do nothing, but I just think we take each other for granted, but a break isint the answer to all this mess, I am! :blush: Well.... we are :rolleyes:


    ETA: Just to say thanks soooo much to both on ya! xxxxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Briony wrote:
    Is there nothing you can do about your relationship?? :(

    No, I dont think so, I think he will always think of me as the girl he had to reassure and was too paranoid...which makes me sad, but i cant change the past only the future and make sure i do change and learn to feel better about myself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you think that a break will benefit the both of you, then suggest it to him. It might be that time away from eachother is just the antidote for your problems. As you said, TRUST is a very important part of a relationship, without it the relationship will suffer...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you think that a break will benefit the both of you, then suggest it to him. It might be that time away from eachother is just the antidote for your problems. As you said, TRUST is a very important part of a relationship, without it the relationship will suffer...

    The thing is, it just aint me with teh trust issues, its him aswell!!!! Its not like I dont trust him all the while, its just something can trigger it off..... like goin to the gym!!! :impissed:

    Secondsophie- you know what they say, you learn by your mistakes :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't mean to sound nasty but you sound like you have incredibly low self esteem, and obviously it's tearing your relationship apart. You say you love each other.....so if he loves you he'll love EVERYTHING about you - so don't go saying you're gonna diet to make yourself thinner.....because it's not going to help anything. You've got to learn to trust each other because how can you be happy in a realationship if you're fretting over every moment without him? I suggest you sit down and talk with him and decide together what to do. Good Luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    haevn't read the other replies but all i can say is don't let a past bad experience dictate the rest of your future relationships. also, if he's going to cheat he's going to cheat. there's not a lot you can do to stop that. and besides, he's with you, isn't he?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The only way to have something profound with someone, is to let go of the baggage from the last one. I was having that same problem with my ex, he couldn't let go of the things his ex did to him (she cheated) and therefore it didn't work out for us. Please don't let that happen to you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've not read any one elses replys so I'm just gonna put what I think might help. You say your jelous that he goes to the gym, and then you say that you wish you were slimmer.....Why dont you go to the gym with him?
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