Can guys and girls ever be just close friends?

Former Member

the reason im asking, is cos it seem every time i have a male friend something always happens! like i mean i wil end up liking them or they wil end up likin me or we end up goin out, stuff like that. alot of my friends have had similar experiences.

just wondered if others have had these situations happen to them or if they do have close friends of opposite sex?

Former Member

Most of my friends are girls. Though, to be honest, I've fancied most of them at some point.

Former Member

I went out with a boy when I was about 14, we broke up, but remained friends but later on I had feelings for him on an off, more on that off actually but in the past 2 years I can happily say that we both have feelings of just pure friendship (im 18 now) and Im pretty sure that will never change, I love him to pieces as a mate, I know he'll always be there and vice versa, can talk to him about almost anything, so in answer to your question, it is definately possible

Former Member

I tottally agree! All my close mates are boys, i trust them more than girls, they can be more honast....brutally honast! plus its great to have their perspective on all your guy problems!!! :chin:

The only thing id change is that they can be WAY over protective of me!!!

But hey, its nice to know they care!

:wave:

Former Member

argh some people will hate me for this but the majority of the time, in a boy/girl friendship, there is usually sexual atraction on 1 side. Even if it's never admitted, even to themselves. I've lost a few male mates because their true motives become apprant and I have got male mates that I know fancy me or have fancied me in the past. The same vice versa.
These feeligns either wear off, get stronger or you both find feelings for each other....though there are the exceptions as always

Former Member

I often find I get on better with women than men.

Former Member

Personally I think the answer is no. From my experiences, and from what I have seen I don't think that a guy/girl relationship can ever be just friendly feelings. I know some of you may not agree with this but I believe that either the guy or girl has more feelings than the other person.

Personally, I attend an all-girls school, and of the limited male friends I have, I either like them, or they like me and I don't fancy them in return.

But I guess some people can sustain friendships accross genders.. I just haven't witnessed it yet.

Former Member

Of course they can, my best mate from Durham is a lass, and in both my student houses I was the only bloke.

It's easier when you are older, and both people are settled with partners.

Former Member

Yes.

Former Member

Yes

Former Member

Nope, not in my experience. One always ends up fancying the other.

Ilora x

Former Member

VinylVicky wrote:

argh some people will hate me for this but the majority of the time, in a boy/girl friendship, there is usually sexual atraction on 1 side. Even if it's never admitted, even to themselves. I've lost a few male mates because their true motives become apprant and I have got male mates that I know fancy me or have fancied me in the past. The same vice versa.
These feeligns either wear off, get stronger or you both find feelings for each other....though there are the exceptions as always

i agree wid ya! there is always going to be sum kinda sexual fing goin on and some times it wont be mentioned.If you like the guy then thats great myt even b fun but its a bit harsh wen u genuinly like the guy as a m8 n he xpects more cuz turnin him dwn is nasty! But it just depends on what u want from your freindship 2 init?

Former Member

sweet_gal wrote:

i agree wid ya! there is always going to be sum kinda sexual fing goin on and some times it wont be mentioned.If you like the guy then thats great myt even b fun but its a bit harsh wen u genuinly like the guy as a m8 n he xpects more cuz turnin him dwn is nasty! But it just depends on what u want from your freindship 2 init?

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease don't keep using text talk my dear

My bestest mates have always been blokeys. Although once one of my best mates liked me, that was when we were diddy. We grew up, it wore off and now friendship blossoms so no...there's not ALWAYS something sexual going on.

I have found though, that some male friendships wore thin when I said I wasn't interested otherwise...but the 'true' ones withstand as they ain't interested - we've known each other too long in most cases to bebothered with fancying one another...!

Malt xxx

Former Member

The majority of my friends are female and unfortunately i have to say that at some point or another, the friendship boundary has been crossed with a number of them. But saying that, im still friends with everyone thats ever happend with and in some cases, better friends...

Peace

Former Member

I wonder if any of us can say for sure.

I have female friends who I don't fancy and am completely comfortable with as friends...but that doesn't prove anything. For all I know, they might fancy me. I know this because I'm completely in love with one of my female friends but I can't tell her for fear of screwing up our friendship.

She might know I suppose. It might be really obvious. But I'm guessing she hasn't got a clue what I feel for her.

Former Member

malteser monkay wrote:

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease don't keep using text talk my dear

I have found though, that some male friendships wore thin when I said I wasn't interested otherwise...but the 'true' ones withstand as they ain't interested - we've known each other too long in most cases to bebothered with fancying one another...!

Malt xxx

I've experienced this several times, and as you say it just shows who the true ones are, but one of my best friends is male, he's been in love with his gf for over a year and i have a boyfriend and I can confidently say that neither of us have feelings for the other past friendship and thats great

Former Member

My exe had a girl as a best friend, and I was cool with it at first, but then he ended up cheating on me with her :impissed: So I don't have a positive view on this situation. lol. But I do have a lot of male friends that I don't have any feelings for.

Former Member

It can work, Im very good friends with some of my friends partners. Its kind of cool that you can spend time with them and feel relaxed as they know that you are not trying to hit on them and vice versa. Its cool to have female friends like that to give a female perspective on any issues I have in my own life. I value my close friends of 20 years plus highly and would never hit on their girlfriends and they know that.

If both parties are single then being close friends can often merge into something more, but then why not? The only time that it dont (right or wrong as it seems) happen is when one party is out of the others league and both know it but don't like to say.

Former Member

Slightly different perspective, but most of my friends at uni are gay and I don't have any problem being friends with the girls. It's not that none of us ever have feelings for each other but things tend to get resolved and the people in question move on without even really disturbing the group dynamics.

So, yes, it is possible to be just friends even if occasionally things develop further.

Former Member

My best friend is female, we get on very well and grown quite close in the last 6 months but the problem is that I've fallen for her big time, she doesn't feel the same way and is seeing one of my mates and it's extremely hard to see them together. That said, I'd rather be best friends than nothing at all.

Former Member

Completely depends on the people. I have some fantastic boy mates who are just friends. Then I have some that its a bit most complicated.

Former Member

My best mate is a lad, we are extremely close but only in a friendship way. We went out in umm year 9 but it was only for 2 days and since then we have been best mates. I know I can tell him anything and he knows the same to me, I always ask him opinions on things clothes, lads, etc etc coz I know he'll be honest with me. Same with him though, he can ask me my opinion on anything and ill give him my true one.
I think lad-girl mates can work out, I have tons of lad mates but I have tons of girl mates too. Different things work for different people though.
Millsy_Magic

Former Member

VinylVicky wrote:

argh some people will hate me for this but the majority of the time, in a boy/girl friendship, there is usually sexual atraction on 1 side. Even if it's never admitted, even to themselves. I've lost a few male mates because their true motives become apprant and I have got male mates that I know fancy me or have fancied me in the past. The same vice versa.
These feeligns either wear off, get stronger or you both find feelings for each other....though there are the exceptions as always

I have a fantastic female mate who I've never been involved with or fancied, and she's never fancied me, although we do get on well and have chemistry. Whether you would define that as sexual chemistry I don't know

Former Member

I think when you are 15 you are more likely to fancy your friends.

I have several close female friends and don't fancy them, and they don't fancy me. It becomes a lot easier when people are settled.

Former Member

I have male mates and I don't fancy them one bit.

Former Member

TheShyBoyInTheCorner wrote:

I have a fantastic female mate who I've never been involved with or fancied, and she's never fancied me, although we do get on well and have chemistry. Whether you would define that as sexual chemistry I don't know

As I said there are always exceptions.....but I'm not going to comment on what that chemistry is that you 2 have cos it might make you start wondering and thinking way too deep

Former Member

*gone*

Former Member

VinylVicky wrote:

As I said there are always exceptions.....but I'm not going to comment on what that chemistry is that you 2 have cos it might make you start wondering and thinking way too deep

I've thought about it before and it really is unique. I am going out with her best friend who she's practically twins with, but my relationship with my friend is unique, I've never got on with someone the same. *shrugs*

Former Member

definetly!!! ive got 3 really close boy mates that i've never had feeling for in "that way".... and one guy who i used to fancy but now we are really good mates!!!

Former Member

Well i cetaintly say so, I have one imparticular good friend who is a girl, I find I can talk to her about anything and she really helps me with my problems and I try to help her when she wants me to. I admit that I fanced her when we first met, I didn't act on it and regreted it for a while as we didn't see eachother much for about a year. When we met again properly I found that all feelings for her that way had vanished and have not felt any since. I seriously doubt she feels anything for me. Apparently I give good relationship advice to her, but I still need her help as I can never sort out my life properly.

Although I can see the counterpoint as I have seen the situation happen where a guy and girl become good mates and then one makes an unexpected move.

Former Member

I have a had a few situations personaly and I think the best thing to do is not to get too close as friends when sexes are opposite because it is inevitable in many cases to start feeling on the part of one or the other an emotion that is cultivated because of constant attention and openness.