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Help Please, Innaproppriate customer

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, id really like everyones help on what i should do as its getting beyond a joke now, since i started work theres been an older man (customer) who'se 'taken a shine to me' at first it was just compliments etc which i could just laugh off. In november he came up behind me in a shop and put his hands on my waist which made me feel uncomfortable but i didnt say anything, now when he comes in he waits till i will see him and always says how much nicer his life would be if i were married to him and he'd like to take me on holiday, i have no attraction to this man whatsoever and try to be proffesional around him. however today when i was standing outside my work on a break he came forward and leant up and kissed me on the forehead, i said 'you really cant do that' but he just brushed it off saying its his way of saying hello etc, i really wanna bring this up with my manager but id like the know the possibilities of what can be done before

its made me really uncomfortable now, because at work im behind glass screens but the hands on waist and kissing thing has put me on edge that he thinks that he can do that, i cant see any way ive led him on to believe that im intrested in him whatsoever, i did think it would pass but now it seems theres no way of it dying down!

please help!!! Thanks
xxx

Comments

  • JsTJsT TheSite Graduate Posts: 18,265 Incredible Poster
    Inform your manager and ask her/him to keep an eye on his future conduct.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Next time he touches you slap him hard, and tell him it's your way of saying FUCK OFF. Tell your boss, and if he doesn't make an effort to make this bloke stop then you can (and should) take it further, either to his boss or to your union or somesuch- the citizens advice bureau in your town will help you a lot with a problem like this. I'm guessing you work in a bank or similar, so next time your lecherous old git comes in then get your manager to whisk him into that scary bank manager room and talk to him, which will probably scare him off.
    If you wanted to go for a quick fix in the event that your manager is unwilling to stick up for you, then a male friend may be able to help...

    Plus you should know that he is committing assault, because he is making you fear for your safety. I doubt that his hands on your waist or the kiss constitutes battery, but unwanted sexual contact is dealt with by another legislation and it's also one that police officers make people think twice about doing again if you complain to them about it.

    C
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MisterC wrote:
    Next time he touches you slap him hard

    C

    she'll probably get the sack for that.

    do you have any security men/women where you work?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    she'll probably get the sack for that.

    do you have any security men/women where you work?
    nope no security men unfortunatly it would really help if we did though

    im going to speak to my manager tommorow, perhaps put a complaint against him as it feels like such an invasion of my personal space that he kisses and speaks to me like this when its not what i want at all :(

    i dont believe he is a rapist i just dread to think about what could happen i.e if im not at work etc
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No so much an invasion of personal space as assault, technically.

    Inform your manager that this person make you unconfirtable, and why. Explain what has happened. Your manager should act to protect you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Char_Baby wrote:
    however today when i was standing outside my work on a break
    There's not a lot your manager can do if you're outside of the bank, apart from provide you with a staff room in which to take a break without fear of horny penshioners attacking you.

    Either way, this man's behaviour is not acceptable. I think you're going to have to be firm with him and just say that you aren't comfortable with his behaviour - say so when he does something inappropriate. If it's at work, tell your manager immediately and get him/her to speak to the customer.

    If it continues, you may want to consider getting the police involved, depending on how serious you think it has become.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is there CCTV in the bank or anything? Get a copy of the CCTV tape, and make a complaint to the manager or supervisor, and show them the tape. If nothing happens, get legal advice and ensure your lawyer contacts the bank.

    If there is a male / female friend you can trust, then ask him to come with you if you decide to have a word with the customer in question and make it clear that it is not appropriate, you don't like it and this is his first and final warning, that if it happens again, a formal complaint will be made to the police. The friend is there in case A) things get a bit heated, so there is a record of what is said, and B) in case he turns out to be a complete idiot and takes a swing or something, or starts getting verbal.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    J.D. wrote:
    If there is a male / female friend you can trust, then ask him to come with you if you decide to have a word with the customer in question and make it clear that it is not appropriate, you don't like it and this is his first and final warning, that if it happens again, a formal complaint will be made to the police. The friend is there in case A) things get a bit heated, so there is a record of what is said, and B) in case he turns out to be a complete idiot and takes a swing or something, or starts getting verbal.

    That conversation should be between the manager and the customer, not the employee and the customer.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You manager has a legal duty of care to your safety, he has to do all he can to make sure you are not put at undue risk.

    This apart from the legal issues arrising from him touching you could well be a legal issue for your manager too if he/she doesnt act.

    If you inform your manager and he does nothing and the unwanted attention continues you could easily have a law suit case against him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Char_Baby wrote:
    Hi, id really like everyones help on what i should do as its getting beyond a joke now, since i started work theres been an older man (customer) who'se 'taken a shine to me' at first it was just compliments etc which i could just laugh off. In november he came up behind me in a shop and put his hands on my waist which made me feel uncomfortable but i didnt say anything, now when he comes in he waits till i will see him and always says how much nicer his life would be if i were married to him and he'd like to take me on holiday, i have no attraction to this man whatsoever and try to be proffesional around him. however today when i was standing outside my work on a break he came forward and leant up and kissed me on the forehead, i said 'you really cant do that' but he just brushed it off saying its his way of saying hello etc, i really wanna bring this up with my manager but id like the know the possibilities of what can be done before

    its made me really uncomfortable now, because at work im behind glass screens but the hands on waist and kissing thing has put me on edge that he thinks that he can do that, i cant see any way ive led him on to believe that im intrested in him whatsoever, i did think it would pass but now it seems theres no way of it dying down!

    please help!!! Thanks
    xxx


    a customer who is obsessed with you :chin:
    you need to tell him clearly and firmly that you are not interested.
    also inform your superior.
    if he still doesn't get the message, get the police to have a chat with him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No!no!no!

    Sweetie - you do not have to stand for this in any way shape or form.
    The service offered there is banking, nothing else.

    Speak to your supervisor about it - tell them everything that has happened.


    There is employment law there to protect you from this sort of experience, you do not have to put up with it at all, if you don't want it tell the man NO!!!

    I went through a sexual harrassment proceeding with a colleague and that was bad enough, looking back (power of hindsite...) I would've started it sooner by a few months!

    You don't have to put up with this in work just like you don't have to put up with it out of work.

    See your supervisor, tell them everything. If they don't take is seriously, see the manager. Keep record of what happens, if there is someone else there with you when it happens, ask them to back you up.

    He can't do this to you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had a guy who took a shine to me when I used work in Tesco, he never did anything creepy just always used my queue and asked me loads of questions. He then sent me a letter and when my manager saw it, he told security to keep an eye on him just incase he tried anything. Just talk it over with your managers or security or maybe even attempt to change shifts so he doesnt know when your working.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Update please ... what happened? Did you tell your manager?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ooh dearie me i should be updating you people

    i explained it to my assistant manager who was really understanding and has told me to tell her when hes in the bank so she can keep an eye on things, and take notes on his behaviour, luckily ive managed to avoid serving him so far, i saw him outside my work but made a quick exit around the side before he spotted me.

    if things go well and nothing else happens ill leave it at that but my managers made it clear that she would happily put in a report to our head office about him if his behaviour continues, what would then happen would be he would recieve a letter of warning and if it continued further his accounts would be closed and asked to bank elsewhere

    its good in a way as i dont have to put up with feeling uncomfortable about it anymore but still makes me very edgy when hes around

    :)
    thanks for all your support and advice, without you lot i dont think i would have plucked up the courage to bring it further
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fantastic, well done, I hope it continues to be ok.
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