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familiar situation, anyone?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've just come back from an amazing weekend with my boyfriend at Leeds festival, just a couple of things sort of marred it....

For one thing, the elusive L-word - we've been together nearly 6 months now it sounds really stupid, but I keep wanting to tell him I love him, but the words get stuck in my throut - I think, what if I don't really, how do I know for certain? What if I say it and he doesn't say anything? So I just don't say it, maybe waiting to hear them from him first or something. It seems to me that too much importance is pinned on these stupid bloody words, which should be so simple, but just aren't.....

The other thing, maybe predictably, is sex. Although we've spent the night together many times, we haven't slept together yet. I'm fine with that, but I also wouldn't mind moving the relationship forward and I had condoms with me at the ready, just in case etc. but I, again at the risk of making a fool of myself, didn't bring up the subject or even tell him about the bloody condoms and now I'm quietly stewing, wondering why it always seems to be left to me to make the first move, which in reality I'm too cowardly to do......

Sorry about this boring rant, folks...


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You've been together six months and never said "I love you", or mentioned the lack of sex. And he has never hinted he would like to do it either? Is that correct? I am suprised.

    If you love him, just tell him. You'll regret it if you just leave things how they are and you'll just be wondering. (If he doesn't love you, you should know). After six months he's probably just as nervous as you about saying the three little words. If you don't mean them don't say them.

    I bet that your man is (literally) bursting to have sex, its been six months. If your ready, bring up the subject and see how he feels (you'll probably be playing 'hide-the-sausage' straight away). Again, I bet you he is just nervous at bringing up a potentially difficult and embarrasing situation. Is he shy about talking about sexual matters? Perhaps he wants to make sure you are ready and not frighten you off by rushing into intercourse. Or, perhaps he is nervous about his performance (is he a virgin?).

    Talk to him and tell him your ready. Or just tear his clothes off, either way you need to show him what you'd like.

    Love makes us do wierd things. Risk making a fool of yourself, it'll be worth it. If he laughs at you, then he isn't as sensitive as he sounds and you can get a real man. You could talk to him about it, however, you needn't rush into anything, you could leave subtle hints that you would like intercourse by mentioning it. I'm certain he'll be quite pleased, after all he is a guy! Having somebody tell you your special enough to share that level of intamacy with is unlikely to upset anyone.

    Don't wait for him, he may just be shy about his feelings. Women's lib and all, you can make the first move. Being honest can be difficult if a person means a lot to you. Go for it.

    Thank me when your relasionship really takes off. It's all about comunication. By the way, how old are you?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey, i woz in a similar situation 2 u a couple of months ago. I've been wit my bf 7 months, but when we'd been 2gether 5 months we went away 2 Greece 4 a week 2gether.

    I realised on the holiday that i loved him but like u didn't wanna say ne thing incase he woz put off or summat.

    Also we hadn't slept 2gether but that woz through other problems not coz we hadn't brought it up.

    On both occasions though, i had 2 say them 1st.

    It is hard, i decided i wanted 2 sleep wit him after we'd been 2gether 3 months but didn't really know how 2 tell him. I woz a virgin b4 sleeping wit him although he'd slept wit one person b4.

    In the end i just came out wit it. I just told him i wanted 2 sleep wit him & i felt ready etc.

    As 4 the love thing. It wasn't exactly how i planned it or wanted it 2 go. I didn't have the guts 2 say it during most of the holiday, but on one of the last days we had there we went out 2 this bar, got amazingly pissed etc & i blurted it out then.

    Lots of other shit happened & i found out sum stuff i didn't really wanna know but he told me he loved me back. I didn't believe him said he woz just pissed & woz just saying it but the next morning he told me again <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    I think u should just tell him, i know its hard but u have been 2gether a fairly long time now & prob know him well enough 2 decide 4 ur self how he will react. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    Just don't do it when ur pissed! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What you've got to do is just go ahead and say it.It is hard I know.But you'll know where you both stand with each other.My boyfriend told me he loved when we together for 7 weeks and it was really awkward because I didn't think it it was love.We had just started.Anyway,I told him straight.It toolk me 10 months later to realise I have really fallen in love and another few weeks to tell him.I went through it plenty of times in my head constantly questioning whether it was love or not,I know what you mean but sounds to me like it is love. So at the end of the day even if he doesnt think he is in love it doesnt matter at least he still likes.He is with you.You have just got to give him time.Don't rush anything.You may feel embarassed-he won't laugh at you.He'll be flattered more than anything else but don't be too serious when he isn't ready.
    Anyway,I reckon he probably loves you too.
    All these 'probably's, Go ahead and tell him.Whats the worst he can do and also confiding in us,you are keeping us all oin suspense.I want to know!Good luck.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    WAIT i think you may well be missing a very important fact! How old is meryn?? If your only like 13 then well, no wonders.

    On the side of telling a guy that you love him I can tel you from experience It would never put a bloke off, if anything simply intensify the relationship. Also on the sex side just say your ready or act ready ( maybe hint by openin you legs?? lol only joking) hes probably just worried he'll be pushing to far and to fast thats all. A guy is not exactly gonna say no if you say "I think we've been together long enough now...do you wanna shag" is he??

    Hope thats helpful
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by robobillyy2k:
    WAIT i think you may well be missing a very important fact! How old is meryn?? If your only like 13 then well, no wonders.

    Lol! I'm actually the grand old age of 19!! Just incredibly naive and inexperienced, hence these things that really shouldn't be a problem are causing me major headaches and getting pissed off with myself.

    And even though we haven't technically had sex yet, our nights together haven't exactly been spent chastely in seperate beds, so no, he's not that frustrated as we've done plenty of "other stuff" and the line between that and sex isn't that huge. So, yeah, we've already been pretty intimate, so I don't think he'd be that offended/scared or whatever, even though we are both virgins, which is probably one of the reasons it hasn't happened yet. I feel ready and I'd just like to know where he stands on that issue and I don't help myself by not mentioning the condoms!....

    Cheers for all your help, guys. Next time I see my boyfriend I WILL tell him I love him, as holding off from saying that does now seem to be a tad rediculous, as the more I think about it the truer it seems to be, and will also bring the "do you want to..." thing up at the appropiate moment, like a sensible person. I think I knew this all already, I just needed a bit of reassurance. Thanks!

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh and I'm not seeing him for another 2 weeks (he lives in London <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">) so you'll all have to wait to hear the end of the story!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can also tell a story about the fact that not to say what u feel is more than stupid.1 year ago I met a qute guy on vacation.We got along together very well and stayed the last 2 days together.Well,the drama began
    as he decided 3 weeks ago to visit me as we haven`t seen each other for 1 year.He lives quite a lot kilometres away from me and I was very nervous.When he came we moved from my parents` house to the apartment of my sister as she lives in a bigger and more exciting city than me.There was only one bed--but no problem.We got along very,very well again it felt as if we were on the same "level".At day he hold my hand and embraced me etc at night I just slept on his breast,we touched..it just felt right,you know,it was very familiar.But I was very confused as he had mailed me before that he wasn`t in love with me(no surprise,we haven`t seen each other for 1 year!)I always had this sentence on my mind.So I never took action 2 get near him it was always his idea.Anyway,we stayed 4 days in this flat--nothing happened!(surely,no one will believe me that!)But we still liked each other and he still wanted to have me near him while sleeping.The problem was we never talked about what was goin on.I couldn`as I was much too afraid that he would laugh about my confusion(I know that he has some female friends..Idon`t know maybe it`s just his way of showing affection..??)Well all the questions stucked at my throat as I´ve started to fall in love with him like with no 1 before.I don`t know why he did not clear this situation.After all,we had a good time still holding hands like a couple(nothing against it..but what the hell??)Even when we said goodbye we did not menshion this totally strange situation (I still just couldn`t tell him that he really means a lot to me!grr!)So,I decided to rip myself together and told him by sms that he means a lot to me..well,there is no more left to say as he hasn`t and doesn`t answer.(Silence is also an answer?!).Ijust was afraid of destroying
    the friendship(or whatever it was at that time!) This whole thing is soo ridiculous and I feel like a total childish fool!Everyone who reads this can shake their heads and have a good laugh,he?So I´ll probably will never get answers to the questions Was it my falt,should I have taken the first step or was he just really not interested??It didn`t seem like that,why couldn`t he just tell me ?I´ve never acted as stupid as in this few days.My sister (who was not in the flat with us)also told me that he really seemed to like me a lot.He always had to touch me while speaking(my hand ,my arm,my back)
    Well,blabla..just another broken heart.So just go on and tell what you feel,don`t be afraid of losing the special person as you can also lose him/her if you stay silent!
    All the best to y´all.
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