perception of people who self harm

Former Member

right... this should be a really simple question...

self harm (cutting)

QUESTION:-
if you self harm by cutting yourself, are you a danger to other people???

- i've just been told that by the dean of students at my university.

i can't have counselling becuase i was "dependant" on my counsellor at the time. and now, also because (- and, this is a 100% new reason! -) because i had started to self harm at the time... and i was suicidal at the time... so apparantly... that made me a potential danger to the counsellor i was seeing, and potentially put her safety at risk??? - i mean WTF?????

i've NEVER cut myself in front of anyone ever!!!!

so, i said that you can't say that. to say that she was in danger because of my self harm is slanderous. people who self harm do it to themselves, they turn their emotional pain in on themselves... not out on other people. (so then i was told that that is not conclusive.)

anyway... apparantly they don't have anything to base this on. and no one at my university who has self harmed has ever hurt anyone else. - etc.

i really can't believe that they can think that. i mean, they are making me out to be a really bad person, and i never did anything fucking wrong. telling a counsellor you self harm, - is apparantly making them feel like they are in danger.

okay.. honestly... i did use my self harm as a way of punishing myself... hurting myself... it controlled flashbacks... etc...

how can a counselling service NOT know about self harm and suicidal feelings?
i mean i really can't believe this...
they say one thing than they change it to something else... etc... :banghead:

has anyone else been told similar, that they are a danger because they cut themselves?

i mean, i don't cut myself anymore... i don't!!!!! - i'm not allowed counselling though!!!

i am SO sick of my university!!! - they treat me like shit... and it's always one rule for most people and a different one for me... and i promise i'm not exageratting or anything.

H E L P!!! :banghead: :crying: :crying:

Former Member

Yep, you're ghoing to go maaaaaaaaaaaaaad with your little razor and start drwoning people with your blood. And you'll torture kittens. Someone think of the kittens!

Send me a PM, tell me which university it is.

And then I would suggest talking to your local CAB.

ETA: screw the university and their poxy counselling service, it isn't what you need.

I used Durham's counselling service and it was shit: they didn't understand what I was doing either, and so I only went once. They were beyond useless. So I went back to my doctor after she'd suggested there, and she then referred me to the specialist unit in Newcastle who, after quoting me an 18-month wait, bumped me right up the queue and found me a place in Durham. Only after three years of going there am I "better" (or as much as I will be).

tbh, if you are seriously self-harming then some pretentious moron called Kevin isn't what you need: it's time to call in the pros.

Former Member

You obviously had the shittest counselling service in the world, specifically set up only for people who dont actually have problems. What a farce.
Have you tried the samaritans?

Former Member

rainbow brite wrote:

You obviously had the shittest counselling service in the world, specifically set up only for people who dont actually have problems. What a farce.
Have you tried the samaritans?

In my experience, university counselling services are good for a bit of homesickness blues, but not much else.

But I can only speak for Durham, who were useless for me and my friends.

Former Member

I can only speak for Durham

and i can only speak for staffordshire university...
i REALLY can't believe this!!!

i burst into tears infront of the dean too ... i felt so embarassed... and so like shit.
i feel like dirt that one time got stuck to "the counselling service's" shoes, got wiped off, thrown away... and they never wanted anything to do with ever again - that's me!!! :crying:

and I DO NOT CUT MYSELF ANYMORE!!!!!!!!

i really felt today... like nobody want me to be a student at the university.
i mean, i go, i attend my lectures, i cover my scars so no one has to see them, i work, i study, i have my problems but i try to get on with it... and i'm made out to be some sort of psycho. by people who surley should know better?!

i should quit! i mean what is going to be on my references at the end: hard worker but a danger to staff???

Former Member

They won't back down, so hang 'em. Deans and VCs are a collective of cunts anyway, shooting them would be too kind.

Get proper help, and screw the two-bit nobjockeys. Unless you feel homesick they are clueless mongs anyway.

Former Member

you are right Kermit :yes:
i should screw the bastards. (pardon the french!)
it's just i've had so much grief because of this. :banghead: :crying:

Former Member

otter wrote:

you are right Kermit :yes:

Another member of the fan club :thumb:

i should screw the bastards.

Nah, screw me :flirt:

it's just i've had so much grief because of this. :banghead: :crying:

And now to be serious.

The trouble with counsellors and counselling services, especially university ones, is that the counsellors quite quickly get out of their depth. They can cope with dysphoria, homesickness and mild loneliness, but they don't have a clue when presented with a full-blown nutter. My university counselling service didn't know what to do with me, either, and unfortunately yours have panicked and don't want to get involved.

Counselling isn't what you need if you are as bad as you imply: you need something more intensive and more professional. Go and talk to your GP, and explain to him/her what the situation is, and see what they can do to help. Unfortunately the mental health service is dire, especially in north Staffordshire, so expect a long wait; I was bumped up the queue, and was still waiting over six months from my initial referral.

Former Member

full-blown nutter

thank you.

but tbh, i was at the counselling service to try to deal with sexual abuse... and the way i can't (couldn't) cope with it.
- i mean, i've probably avoided saying that before, but ... there you go!

and yes, it messed up my head... having said that though, i think a counsellor should know how much that fucks anybody up... but obviously not!

and can i just re-iterate: i don't self harm anymore and i'm not suicidal at the moment. :no:

Former Member

I knew what was wrong, you've said:)

They aren't trained, medically or professionally, to deal with serious issues. So go to your doctor and find someone who is.

Former Member

find someone who is

:yes:
sound advice.

Former Member

there was a bit on the BBC site about self harm today
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/mental_health/emotion_selfharm.shtml#childhood_sex_abuse

Former Member

its a well know fact that self harm is a coping mechanism just like crying is.

My attitude is 'screw anyone who doesn't even want to try to understand'

I self harm myself and I'm not proud of it. My boyfriend hates me doing it but understands why I feel the need to do it. Its his support thats helping me stop.

Its heartless comments by people who should know better that are likely to make you feel even more alone helpless and like you can't cope.

Ignore it (or try to)

Phoenix

Former Member

Kermit wrote:

In my experience, university counselling services are good for a bit of homesickness blues, but not much else.

But I can only speak for Durham, who were useless for me and my friends.

I personally found Durham quite good, but then again my problems weren't anywhere near as bad as yours so our experiences aren't really comparable. Who did you see? I saw Linda, she was nice.

Former Member

BumbleBee wrote:

I personally found Durham quite good, but then again my problems weren't anywhere near as bad as yours so our experiences aren't really comparable. Who did you see? I saw Linda, she was nice.

I think they're good for lonely people, if that's all they are, but even then it's sketchy. I know other people who have needed to go to them becaus eof loneliness and they haven't been that good.

I saw a bloke called Kevin. Moron.

Former Member

i hate the stigma that surrounds self harm...best thing you can do is find a good counseller and then prove to them that their perception of you is wrong. i'm sure that discrimination against people who suffer with this is illegal though.

i'm really sorry you are having to go through this, bloody ignorant bastards.

Former Member

Have you registered with a GP near your uni that you can talk to to try and get a proper referral?
If that's not an option, try this link to find a local counsellor in your area - or call one of these helplines to just get your immediate anger out:

SupportLine
Offers confidential and emotional support on the telephone for children, young adults and adults
020 8554 9004
www.supportline.org.uk

SANELINE
Offers practical information, crisis care and emotional support to anybody affected by mental health problems.
Web: www.sane.org.uk
Tel: 0845 767 8000

Don't let the atrocity of your student services stop you from doing well at uni and having a future - you can access help elesewhere it just might be harder to find. Good luck

Former Member

Have you registered with a GP near your uni that you can talk to to try and get a proper referral

i'm registered with the university GP.
and my GP didn't even believe me, that i wasn't allowed counselling. - bloody knob head! (sorry, but i'm pissed off!)
i don't think i could feel anymore isolated... now that, according to them - making me out to be a bad person and, i put people in danger apparantly.
thats how my university sees me... for no reason at all... i self harmed... so what?!
i mean, they must see other students who self harm, or who have felt suicidal - and they don't exclude them?!
it's just me.

... and i'm not a bad person :crying:

Former Member

Kermit wrote:

In my experience, university counselling services are good for a bit of homesickness blues, but not much else.

But I can only speak for Durham, who were useless for me and my friends.

Just to defend uni counselling services in general, I found the counsellor I saw at UCL to be very helpful the only downside was that the uni only allows you 6 appointments. However, she dealt with a referral for me so that's good.

Former Member

Kermit wrote:

In my experience, university counselling services are good for a bit of homesickness blues, but not much else.

But I can only speak for Durham, who were useless for me and my friends.

Same with the councillors in my college.

Former Member

otter wrote:

i'm registered with the university GP.
and my GP didn't even believe me,

Sorry to hear that. Some GPs still have an unbelievably bad grasp on mental health issues - especially among young people - but you'd think a uni GP would be a bit more clued up.

otter wrote:

... and i'm not a bad person :crying:

Of course you're not, and it's totally understandable that your situation is making it hard for you to keep remembering that - but you really must try and help yourself here rather than letting them get to you. PLEASE - call one of the numbers I gave you and see if that helps - I'm sure they will listen and make suggestions for you.

Take care x

Former Member

And just to add to Spanner's list, if you are frightened of the tele[pghone but need a listening and friendly ear, then you can always email jo@samaritans.org and they'll reply very quickly.

Former Member

I found the counsellor I saw at UCL to be very helpful the only downside was that the uni only allows you 6 appointments. However, she dealt with a referral for me so that's good.

honestly, when i was allowed counselling at my university - i found the support helpful too.

but that was then... :shocking:

but nobody has ever given me a referal; even though i'm not allowed any counselling now or ever again.

Kermit and Spanner - thanks for those helplines. i haven't phoned/emailed yet though...

but i think with that link you gave me... private counsellors are really expensive... :eek:

... also, i will never mention self harm to anyone ever again... :no: :crying:

Former Member

otter wrote:

also, i will never mention self harm to anyone ever again...

I think that's the saddest thing, really. I found being open about it helped me, when it becomes a dirty secret it becomes worse, and more internalised and harder to feel like it's possible to escape from it.

I'd hardly say I wear my scars with pride, but I don't care what people think of them.

Former Member

Kermit wrote:

I think that's the saddest thing, really. I found being open about it helped me, when it becomes a dirty secret it becomes worse, and more internalised and harder to feel like it's possible to escape from it.

I'd hardly say I wear my scars with pride, but I don't care what people think of them.

And thats the way I'm working towards being. Otter it fucking sucks that you've had such a bad experience. Try not to let it stop you from helping yourself and doing what you want. I've been there and had a doctor laugh in my face when I told him I'd been self-harming for 3 years. But I'm going back to see a different doctor tomorrow. I'm not letting that fuckhead stop me. Maybe try finding another doctor, I don't know much about this kinda thing but maybe registering with a new one?

Former Member

piccolo wrote:

Just to defend uni counselling services in general, I found the counsellor I saw at UCL to be very helpful the only downside was that the uni only allows you 6 appointments. However, she dealt with a referral for me so that's good.

I found the UCL counsilling service a complete waste of time. I think if someone had one very specific problem e.g. homesickness or something they would be more helpful but for bigger or more general problems they are out of their depth.

All that my 6 weeks there did was delay the time it took me for my GP to refer me to anywhere that might actually help.

Former Member

I was just talking to my mum about this (shes a trained counsellor) and she suggested getting in touch with your local CMHT (community mental health team) Most areas have them, and your doctor would be able to put you in touch. They are used to dealing with people with mental health problems of ALL types, and they will be far more use to you than a university counselling service that has to deal with such a huge number of students.