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Jealousy attacks...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, this is about my boyfriend and something that happened today, we went to the library together so he could check his emails etc and I was there with him, he didn't mind me being there or anything but then he opened one up and I read it without thinking, it was from an ex of his who he claims is his "best" friend and that she was all he ever wanted at one point until he got with her. I wasn't happy about what the message said. Anyway, this message really got to me and is eating me up inside. Do I tell him or am I just being completely insecure? Any advice would be appreciated.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it depends on what the message said...

    If it was a simple :-

    Hi how are you? - fancy meeting up sometime to catch up on old times,
    Then there may be nothing in it. Besides, it's you your boyfriend is with now, not his ex (who he split up with for one reason or another)

    If however, the message was more 'personal' then maybe you could mention it to him? - He may laugh it off and call you paranoid, but if you point out why your feeling like you are it would make you feel better, and he would then know how you feel ?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Talk to him about it - be totally honest about how you feel, honesty and openness are so important in a relationship - it proberly means nothing to him but you wont find out unless you talk to him. Above all, keep calm with him and dont worry.

    Good luck x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If my girlfriend was reading my emails, i'd slap her around.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dan Brown wrote:
    If my girlfriend was reading my emails, i'd slap her around.

    Your gonna be a lovely boyfriend.....

    Just be honest girl, in my opinion its so much better to talk about things rather then keep them to yourself. Hopefully your just being paranoid but make sure you speak to him calmly and explain that its hurting you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dan Brown wrote:
    If my girlfriend was reading my emails, i'd slap her around.

    Good job she isn't your girlfriend then :rolleyes:

    Especially as she was with him, not prying into his emails.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dan Brown wrote:
    If my girlfriend was reading my emails, i'd slap her around.

    You actually have a girlfriend?

    I get jealous over tons of things, photographs I stumble across, pictures he drew of his ex, stuff like that, but its just shit lying about the house. Its nothing to get mad about, although it makes me angry, but thats my fault, not his.

    My boyfriend told me that his ex asked him out for a drink. My stomach churned, my eyes bulged and my mouth went dry. Jealousy is not a pretty thing. I didn't get angry or upset. I just said 'Over my dead body' in a sweet manner, with a smile. I think he got the picture.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what sort of thing did the message say that made you feel insecure?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah, it depends what it said.

    if it was just 'how've you been, i miss having you around, how is the dog/fish/grandma/uni?' then might be overreacting slightly. although i think a lot of people would still be a little annoyed purely cause she's an ex and he's said all those things about her.

    but if it was more 'i love you, dump her and let's fly off into the sunset and do all those things we were talking about last night' then some serious telling off is in order.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You actually have a girlfriend?

    Not anymore, caught the silly bitch reading my emails didn't i...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dan Brown wrote:
    Not anymore....

    i wonder why?? :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry I haven't been on the boards in a few days, just wanted to say thanks to all the replies, as for the questions, the message said something to the effect of "hiya sexy...still care about you loads and miss how it used to be" that kind of thing just tends to eat at me. Maybe it was innocent and maybe I should speak to him about it but the longer I leave it, the less likely I am to broach the subject with him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That doesn't sound so innocent to me, but that isn't his fault - all depends on what he replied. I rekon talk (calmly) to him asap!!! You will know if there is something happening by the way he reacts - just need to look out for those tell tale signs...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Madgal99 wrote:
    Sorry I haven't been on the boards in a few days, just wanted to say thanks to all the replies, as for the questions, the message said something to the effect of "hiya sexy...still care about you loads and miss how it used to be" that kind of thing just tends to eat at me. Maybe it was innocent and maybe I should speak to him about it but the longer I leave it, the less likely I am to broach the subject with him.

    God, I would be so pissed and worried if some chick called my boyfriend "sexy". And if someone said it to me, I would make sure they didnt again. People need to respect when others are in relationships. I think you should talk to him about it. Sounds to me like she is trying to get back with him (sorry, you maybe didnt want to hear that)...If it was innocent, then no problems, and if it wasnt then you need to have a chat about it. Have you actually met this girl?

    Oh, and whats the deal with "Dan Brown"? That kinda talk scares me. I heard on the news that domestic abuse has gone up 10% in Scotland. I wish I could do something to help people in those situations, its so terrible :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    People probably sick of hearing about this but just wanted to say, I talked to my boyfriend about this and he sent her a message back telling her it wasn't acceptable and if she wanted to be friends then they could be but that's where the line is drawn, it made me feel quite a bit better, I'm pretty sure she wants him back though. Oh well, these things are sent to try us.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My boyfriend told me that his ex asked him out for a drink. My stomach churned, my eyes bulged and my mouth went dry. Jealousy is not a pretty thing. I didn't get angry or upset. I just said 'Over my dead body' in a sweet manner, with a smile. I think he got the picture.


    The message being that next time he has the opportunity to meet up with her he shouldn't tell you?

    Surely he can have whoever he chooses as a friend?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Madgal99 wrote:
    People probably sick of hearing about this but just wanted to say, I talked to my boyfriend about this and he sent her a message back telling her it wasn't acceptable and if she wanted to be friends then they could be but that's where the line is drawn, it made me feel quite a bit better, I'm pretty sure she wants him back though. Oh well, these things are sent to try us.

    I say put it behind you now and don't give it another thought, if she does decide she would like to be friends with him then try and make sure you make friends with her too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dan Brown wrote:
    Not anymore, caught the silly bitch reading my emails didn't i...
    That made me laugh :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    [PHP]Not anymore, caught the silly bitch reading my emails didn't i... [/PHP]

    Sorry, that made me laugh too
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think your right to be upset. basically, my boyfiend sorta did the same thing, got e-mails of girls he met over the internet and used to chat to them on-line, it made me jealous and feel really insecure. i didnt say anything at first, and it made me feel worse. if you dont tell him, he may think that hes doing nothing wrong....and the emails will proberly carry on.

    you have to talk to him, dont lauch a verbal attack at him, just explain and tell him how you feel. if he does love you then he will appreacaite how you feel and either not write back or maybe tell his ex that he has a girlfriend now,who he loves and that he still wants to be mates with her but shes got no chance.

    but you shouldnt forget anbout because from my expirence jealousy gets worse.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Am I the only guy here who thinks "I love you and everything but I'll talk to who I like"?

    Totally out of line to dictate to me who I can and cannot speak to. All the more so when I'm at fault for something someone else sends me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ginner wrote:
    Am I the only guy here who thinks "I love you and everything but I'll talk to who I like"?

    Totally out of line to dictate to me who I can and cannot speak to. All the more so when I'm at fault for something someone else sends me.

    I agree with you. Really does annoy me when people _think_ they can control who I can and cant see. Reminds me too much of my ex <shudder>

    I will always pick friends over a girlfriend who thinks she can control who I can and cant speak to. 1 bossy jealous girlfriend, or 30 friends who I get along with... hard choice...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've got the same kind of view as ginner, She(the ex) couldn write whatever the hell she wants, but if its out of line she can expect my fist to have a nice little meeting with he face. As long as theres no flirting on his part i dont care.
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